Signs of being with the wrong person.
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The 8 signs you’re with the wrong partner

By David Joshua Jennings November 20, 06:00 am
Not sure about your partner? It’s totally reasonable to question the health of your relationship. In case you’re wondering, here are eight signs you might be with the wrong person.
You're unhappy

It’s not your partner’s job to make you happy all the time, but they should at least try to make things pleasant. Petty fights and arguments aside, you should generally be positive about your relationship. Time spent with your partner should make you feel better about yourself, not worse. If your partner undermines your confidence or always puts you in a bad mood, it may be time to assess your situation.

You feel uncomfortable around them

You should feel comfortable being yourself around your partner. If you find that you need to wear a mask, or are constantly trying to impress them, they may not be right for you. Your partner should love you as you are, and not try to mold you into an entirely different person. You should feel energised after spending time with them, not emotionally drained. They should lift you up, not drag you down.

You find them unattractive

Yes, attraction matters! They may not be supermodels, but you should feel some attraction towards them. If you find your partner repulsive, things probably aren’t going to work. You need chemistry for a relationship to
 flourish. You don’t need to be lusting for each other always, but you should have some urge to make love. Great sex won't make all your problems go away all the time, but it does allow you to lose yourself for a while, which is important in a long-term relationship.

You’re sexually unsatisfied

The right partner should be sexually compatible with you. If you view sexual intimacy differently, or have different libidos, taboos or sexual preferences, your relationship will be affected. In short, your sexual satisfaction should be important to them. But no matter how 'good in bed' someone is, there’s nobody as good as a partner you feel deeply in love with and bonded to.

They are untrustworthy or untrusting

If you begin catching your partner in lies, even small ones, watch out! A good partner should be honest with you. A relationship simply cannot function without trust, and this goes both ways. Not trusting your partner, monitoring their communication with others, trying to limit the amount of time they spend with those they care about – such actions are bad for the health of any relationship. If your partner is falling into these patterns, it’s time to take a break and rethink your relationship.

Your values differ dramatically

Differences in upbringing and lifestyle can add colour to a relationship, but if your core values differ you should think twice. If one values family and the other doesn’t, things are going to be tense. Likewise, if your life goals are irreconcilable, chances are things aren’t going to work out. You and your partner’s values and goals don’t necessarily need to be the same, but they should at least be harmonious.

You can’t communicate

Communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. Even if you are with the right person, that doesn’t mean you won’t have disagreements and face difficulties. You should, however, be confident that together you can work through such difficulties, and feel comfortable about bringing up sensitive issues. And remember: Communication is a two-way street. The right partner will not only speak honestly, but should listen patiently to what you have to say.

They try to control you

If your partner is always trying to control you and tell you what to do, get out while you still can. The right partner should value your individuality, not try to control your life. If it seems like they are more interested in the role you play in their world, rather than with your needs, you might be dating the wrong person. 

Read our article '8 Signs you're with the right partner.'

 

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Comments

Hi Lenah, so sorry about this. If you feel it is time and the relationship can no longer work, do let your partner know. Be honest with them but try an not be cruel. Have a look at the following at the following articles for additional tips;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up

After 5 months in my relationship I found out that my gal lied alot,qhen I ask she says she never wanted to loose me, and now am loosing her interest,we have a babie coming and am not even interest coz at fast I was not even ready and I had told her that but she ignored, should I go on or should I quit.

Hi Deno, you don’t have to be together since you have a child on the way. If you no longer wish to be together, let her know this. However, since you have a child on the way, it is is important that you think and then talk with her about how you will support her during this time and beyond. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/marriage/do-i-have-to-marry-someone-i-made-pregnant

Hello Ben, thank you for reaching out to us. It is indeed frustrating if you feel you do not gel well with your partner or if you feel things are not going well.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain your position and how you feel what is going on is affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

Ricky Erick
Fri, 03/06/2020 - 11:40 pm
Am dating a girl for about 5months now. At first she used communicate well, bt for the past 2months she has changed slot. When am going to see her she get some excuse of having a program to run in the evening which I usually I understand bt she can't even get a little time for me with her coz during the day and always at work so we can't see each other. She is just boring,she got no fun to make just expecting me to call her or txt her everyday in which am Being suspicious to her. She even can't to see me when am sick,she has an excuse of am busy busy in which am loosing interest in her...

Hello Ricky, thank you for reaching out to us. For a relationship to last, a lot of work needs to go into it from all involved. You have an idea of how you want to be loved but remember that not everyone loves in the same way. Try and find out what your love languages are and how you can speak them to each other.

This article has more information on Love Languages and should help further.

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/do-you-speak-the-right-language-when-it-comes-to-love

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