Woman with an afro thinking

My friend’s husband is cheating, should I tell her?

Or should I mind my business?

Even if you’re the village gossip, try to keep this one to yourself. 

If you’re a good friend, you won’t gossip about your friend with others.

So, what should you do? Do you keep quiet and mind your business? Or do you tell the person being cheated on.

Before deciding whether to tell her or not, you need to think carefully.

  • You may not have all the facts

    Have a bit of doubt about what you saw, or heard.

    Well, unless you caught him pants down. Literally!

    Yet, still, it’s not your place to say that’s cheating. What you consider to be cheating may not be the same for her. Furthermore, some people are in open relationships.

    You can tell her that you saw, or know of, something uncomfortable and let her decide if it is cheating or not. Don’t force her to take your information as the gospel truth.

  • She may already know

    A woman can smell a lie. Her intuition is one of her greatest gifts.

    It is possible that your friend has already either seen red flags or has concrete evidence of her man’s cheating ways.

    Consider this before approaching her and when you do, give her very little information first. If she’s not aware, she will have enough information to investigate the issue.

  • Most women choose to stay

    Many women will stay with the cheater after an affair.

    We’re not here to judge anyone.

    It is never an easy decision since there is a lot of things to consider. Many women won’t just pack their bags first thing in the morning, or kick him out.

    So, before you tell her, know that your role is to support her in her decision and let her know that you will be there for her.

    Just be a supportive friend. 

    Well, unless she asks you to fast for 40 days to pray for her cheating husband. 

  • She may blame the other woman

    We often say, ‘She stole her husband!’ Someone would think that a man is a wallet that can be snatched by anyone. Like they’re powerless to resist the temptation.  

    The other woman may be called a hoe, homewrecker, and all manner of names.

    To most women, it’s easier to believe the other woman is wrong and not their partner.  

  • The messenger may be shot!

    Choices have consequences. 

    Think about possible consequences of your decision.

    The messenger can get into trouble. Don’t go expecting a standing ovation. Or a bouquet of flowers.

    Some women blame the messenger instead of looking at the content of the message. You may be called a liar or be accused of hating the spouse.

    Your relationship may also be affected and they may no longer want to associate with you.


    If you decide not to tell her, think about what she would feel if she found out that you knew about the affair and didn’t tell her.


    If you decide to tell her, do it face to face. This is not the kind of message you want to share via WhatsApp, call, or SMS.

Talk to us, what would you do? Would you tell her?

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LoveMatters Africa

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