A steel butcher knife stabbed in a real heart. — Phil McDonald

My boyfriend stabbed himself

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. A few months ago, we were having dinner at his place we got into a big fight. He stabbed his leg with a steak knife because he was very upset. Should I be concerned that he is not stable? He’s never been like that before or after. All I can think of is how much blood there was!

Oh, my! What a shocker it must have been for you! I can only imagine the horror! That kind of violent behavior is bound to scare anyone. It’s not surprising you are now unsure of the future of this relationship. And for good reason. Most women, me included, would run for the hills and never look back- which will be the easy way out. However, all relationships face challenges and running away may seem defeatist.

This attitude is fed by the Disney’s fairy tale notion of Prince Charming. In most cases girls have to kiss (work on) the toads before he can become a prince charming. Then, when he is all shiny and well-groomed, other women want him, not knowing how far you have come with him.

I am sure your boyfriend has many good qualities; otherwise, you wouldn’t have stayed on for that long. He may have major issues from his past that you can’t solve, but you can encourage him with a lot of love to seek professional help. Please remember that only he can take the first step by accepting he has a problem and agreeing to get help. If he refuses, then you have no choice but to end the relationship, as he could be a danger to himself and to you. I also don’t think that in the current situation he would make a good father to your children if you were ever blessed to have any.

He definitely has anger management issues and has difficulties expressing his emotions. You need to watch out for other signs that he might get violent towards you. For example:

Jealous, possessive, controlling and insecure; checks your phone and social media, calls all the time, keeps tabs on where and who you are with. Shows up unexpectedly.
Sudden mood swings and hypersensitivity; gets upset easily with just the slightest provocation.
Nasty to others and mostly a loner; he has no time for family and friends and neither does he want you to have friends of your own.
Always angry and doesn’t take responsibility for his rage; it’s always someone else’s fault why he is upset. He blames others for his mistakes.
He might also be very rough during sex.

Everyone deserves a second chance but there is a limit to how many one should get. So, be careful, support where you can, encourage as much as possible, but draw a line and be ready for a single’s life if things don’t work out. Good luck, you certainly need it.

For more from Getrude Mungai, check her blog.

What would you do in a situation where your partner became violent toward him- or herself? We would love to hear from you on our discussion board, Facebook, or just drop us a note below.