• Love & Relationships
• Relationship Problems

Caught in the middle of a cheater and a friend

By Anthony Okoth on

Willis is in a difficult situation. He prides himself in being honest. Will he risk doing the right thing knowing it might mean the end of his friendship with Jeff?

Stick to your principles

I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a liar. I was one of those kids who would be beaten for telling on themselves. I wish I could say it’s because I’m a great person. In all honesty, I just really sucked at lying. Because of this, I also don’t get involved in other people’s lives. People just tell too many lies in my experience. I understand that this is the world we live in- men lie, women lie, especially to each other. It’s not ideal, but most people can’t be bothered to change.

A while back, I accidentally found out that my best friend was cheating on his girlfriend- a woman who is also a good friend to me. Cheating is something I don’t understand. If you want to have sex with random people, do that. If you want to be in a committed relationship, do that too. How a relationship and cheating could ever work together in the mind of an intelligent adult is beyond me.

The setup

Jeff and Flo had been dating for about eight months. We have the same circle of friends, so we would always hang out together. Flo is a cool lady. But she is a poor judge of character. I’ve known Jeff far longer than I have Flo. I wouldn’t classify him as faithful in relationships but when Flo started asking me about him, I just gave vague answers. I mean, when someone is already that infatuated with a person, any criticism hardly ever sinks in. She also didn’t ask about his history with fidelity, so I didn’t volunteer any. That was my first mistake.

One day after work, Jeff, some friends and myself passed by a popular bar. Jeff brought a co-worker with whom he had been chummy for a while. When we got to the club, though, he disappeared. Out of the blue, Flo walked into the bar. Apparently, Jeff had told her he would be here but he was dumb enough to sneak away with his co-worker.

Flo asked me where he was. I honestly didn’t know where he has snuck away to and I said as much. Then Jeff called. I turned around to answer. He asked me to keep Flo busy for a while so that she doesn’t look for him. I was angry but I was also standing one barstool away from Flo. That was my second mistake.

The dilemma

I haven’t talked to Jeff much after that. I was very angry that he involved me in his lie, especially because Flo is my friend and one of a handful of good women I know. I was also afraid for her. Does she use condoms with Jeff? What if Jeff didn’t use a condom with that other woman? Was that the only other woman? Should I tell Flo, or is my obligation to Jeff because I’ve known him longer?

The answer is simple, but putting it into action is another thing altogether. I never got around to telling Flo. And I understand if she hates me for that. I hate myself for not being a true friend to her. I also hate myself for believing that sticking up to a stupid male code of honor would make me a better friend. Mostly, however, I just wish I hadn’t gotten involved in this whole mess from the start. Flo may not have found out what Jeff was up to that night. But now I feel like it’s become my problem too.

If you were Willis, what would you do? Have you ever told a close friend that their partner was cheating? Talk to us on the discussion board, Facebook (Naija and Kenya), or leave us your thoughts below.