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Can love work without sex?

Can love last after dating for four years and we’ve never had sex?

Actually, there’s a really important rule about dating: it mustn’t go on for too long. Whether or not you’re having sex.
Because dating is just the first phase of a relationship. And relationships that get stuck in that phase usually fail.

For most couples, the first few dates are just casual. No strings attached, as you decide whether you two get along well.
But a few weeks later, if the relationship’s getting serious, you need to define it. Agreeing that you’re an item. And that neither one of you will be seeing anyone else.

Couples who fail to do that usually get into all sorts of trouble. Like one of them thinking they’ve really met the one, while the other thinks they’re just having fun.

Gradually, after a few months, all those flashy dates start to fade away. And instead you find yourselves just doing ordinary everyday things together. That’s how you find out whether you really could live together successfully.

And then, after a year or so, you start talking about marriage. Confirming that that’s what you both want. Talking about your career plans. Children. Your finances. It sounds unromantic, but it’s the couples who do all this who have the most successful marriages.
And generally they’ll go on to actually get married within a couple of years of their first meeting.

Starting to become intimate is an essential step somewhere along that path. A few unlucky couples find out on their wedding night that they’re totally incompatible. I know I might upset some people by saying so, but it’s really important to find out whether you suit one another sexually – before you agree to marry.

All of which means that if you’ve been going out for four years, and are not intimate, then you’re not on track for a successful marriage. And probably not really in love with one another, either.

Instead, maybe one of you thinks you’re getting married. Eventually. But the other’s desperately scared of commitment. Or perhaps you know it’s never going to work out. But you’re scared to be on your own again.

Either way, your relationship’s not likely to result in a marriage. Especially if there’s no sex. So take stock, and decide what you want. Because if you want to start a family, then you should probably cut your losses. And find someone who shares your dreams.

Can love work without sex? Join the discussion below or on Facebook. For questions, head to our discussion board.

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Recent Comments (38)

  1. Yes it works with people who…
    Yes it works with people who have agreed to do so due to fear of God.

    1. Hi gyz it kant b my fred…
      Hi gyz it kant b my fred marIg raif wethut sex kos God kreyt men and wooman fo howat

      1. Hi Jim, that you for your…
        Hi Jim, that you for your contribution. People can however choose to not have sex when they are dating before they get married for different reasons. But indeed intimacy is important in marriage.

    2. I like this kind of thinking…
      I like this kind of thinking.because after all it depends on the agreement btwn the involved couple.having sex b4 marriage does not guarantee marriage either..I mean it depends on couples agreement En decisions.

      1. We appreciate your…
        We appreciate your contribution Mose.

      2. yeah sex isnt a guarantee…
        yeah sex isnt a guarantee for

        1. Thank you Joan for your…

          Thank you Joan for your contribution.

  2. Yaaa umh woow dats ryt BT nw…
    Yaaa umh woow dats ryt BT nw wat if you are 19 and still a virgin would it be right to have sex with a boyfriend

    1. (No subject)
      Hey Shellia,

      When and with whom to have sex is an important decision one you should not rush into neither should you be pressured into. There are lots of things to consider before decision to have sex even if you are in a relationship. For instance you have to think about whether you are with the right person, it is the right time, are you ready to deal with the consequences of having sex, have you considered how to prevent unplanned pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections among others.

      Take your time to think about these things then make an informed decision. Remember the decision to have sex or not to have is your own. Check out the following article for more information;-

  3. It does work tho if u guys…
    It does work tho if u guys trust eachoda buh if u nt giving d guy sex den i tink u guys should be intimate to an dus nt really v to be sex

    1. (No subject)
      Thank you for your contribution, indeed there can be non-penetrative sex as the couple builds the relationship.

  4. Yaaah it actually works…
    Yaaah it actually works evenf nvingingumu

    1. Thank you for you feedback…
      Thank you for you feedback Antony.

  5. What about if I had have sex…
    What about if I had have sex with ma girlfriend before mry

    1. Hi Samir, …
      Hi Samir,

      Some partners can choose to have sex before marriage while other will prefer to wait until marriage for various reasons including personal principle or religious beliefs. Some may take time during the dating period before starting to have sex even if they are not yet married. It is important to talk about this with a partner early in the relationship and agree how to proceed respecting each pothers feelings.

    1. We appreciate your…
      We appreciate your contribution.

  6. 1:It can, but not perfectly…
    1:It can, but not perfectly. Body chemistry and compatibility matter a lot. So, sex is essential in a relationship.

    2:Furthermore, production of ‘feel good’ hormone during sex increases intimacy (don’t overlook that).

    1. We appreciate your…
      We appreciate your contribution Hijo.

  7. Im married for 2yrs bt…
    Im married for 2yrs bt sometyms my habbie whts to make love(sex) feelings zinaenda completly.wht could be da problem? Plz help

  8. It works if both agrees to …
    It works if both agrees to ..and if those that are in love fear God

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Emmaculate.

  9. Nice piece as usual, doc. It…
    Nice piece as usual, doc. It is also true that being intimate before or after marriage is a personal decision between couples. As long as it is a mutual decision made by both parties, they will accept whatever comes with their decision. But, it is also true that sex plays a major role in a relationship aside from companionship. This is the one special way that a couple can feel closeness and satisfaction, and if one party is not getting this from the relationship then the decision of walking away is a hard one that they are forced to make. This would make the other party feel abandoned. Bottom line, sex before or after marriage should be a decision made by both parties in a relationship without duress.

    1. Very well said Terry. We…

      Very well said Terry. We appreciate your contribution. 

  10. thank u for ur enlightment
    thank u for ur enlightment

    1. You are welcome Phelicia.

      You are welcome Phelicia.

    1. Hey Japari, what things do…

      Hey Japari, what things do you want?

  11. Well said intimacy is key.
    Well said intimacy is key.

    1. Hi ThabangSZ, 


      Hi ThabangSZ, 

      True, intimacy is important. Thank you for your input. 

  12. am n a relationship bt my gf…
    am n a relationship bt my gf told me that no sex dat she wants 2 protect her virginity
    wat shd i do?

    1. Hello Anonymous, thank you…

      Hello Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us and sharing. This is a really important decision she has made and from the way you have framed your question it is not something you want. This is a great opportunity for you two to have a conversation about what this means for the relationship. Please do not pressure her into having sex, she has clearly stated what she wants and now it is up to the two of you to find a compromise that works for the two of you.

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