Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Painfully shy

I can’t seem to get a girl in my life. I can’t stand in front of a girl, let alone greet her, or utter a word. Please advise me on how to go about it?

Just shy

Aaaawww honey, you’re just shy. That’s all it is: you are shy around women. Believe it or not, I am shy. I dread meeting strangers and I hate speaking in front of people. My hands sweat, and my right leg starts shaking. I would love to tell you that after a ten-year media career as a radio and TV presenter, journalist, and occasional speechmaker, I have found a magic cure. But I haven’t. What keeps me talking – while shaking and sweating – is the belief that what I have to say has value.

You are worth it

You are valuable and you are worth getting to know. Your life will also be enriched by getting to know other people. So I suggest that you focus more on that, and less on your discomfort.

Meg Cabot wrote, ‘Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear; the brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.’

When you speak to a woman despite your anxiety, and she responds, you see that the world did not end and slowly you will gain confidence, especially when the women respond positively.

Also, forget the agenda of ‘getting a girl in your life’; aim to just say ‘hello’ and smile.

Build it up

Start with women you are not trying to date, like the kiosk lady or a friend of the family and go from there. If you can join a church group or something similar, you will find that the setting makes it easier to talk to the opposite sex rather than walking up to a total stranger and starting a random conversation. Think of confidence as a muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it will grow. As you get used to talking to women, then you can start talking to girls you might like. 

Have you overcome shyness? How did you do it? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.

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Recent Comments (21)

  1. hi! is it advisable to date a
    hi! is it advisable to date a girl you know through text and tell her that you love her. can it work?

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      love works in mysterious ways! Yes, it can work, but that depends on what both of you want from a relationship. And it would be advisable to meet at some point, to make sure you also love each other in person.

  2. whn i try to date a gal.i
    whn i try to date a gal.i find my self difficult.i event luck words to express could this be part of fear or luck of experience in dating.

  3. I don’t have a vibe to tell a
    I don’t have a vibe to tell a gal ,please help?

  4. I have been dating a girl for
    I have been dating a girl for 3yrs now.i love her so much and I want to marry her.I went to their home and her that I want to marry her next year.but she told me that she is not ready what can I do?

    1. Hi David,

      Hi David,

      Marriage is a life time commitment and thus it needs one’s full readiness and commitment.

      If you indeed love her you and are committed to her then your best choice is to give her time to be ready just like you are.

  5. I hv dated a man for 4 years
    I hv dated a man for 4 years BT da problem is no communications no nothing now am wondering wat should I du

  6. It’s true that starting with
    It’s true that starting with a local(familiar) person will give me enough courage to stop a girl(stranger) and talk to her fluently?

    1. Just like most other things
      Just like most other things practice makes perfect.

  7. just wanna say thank you.
    just wanna say thank you.

    1. You are most welcome Bright.
      You are most welcome Bright.

  8. i have a friend we have being
    i have a friend we have being friends over 7years now but i recently fall in love with her last year i dont no if i told her i love her if that is going to bring an end to our friendship, i told my normal guy that i love that my friend i think now he also want to date her too. dont no what to do pls.

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,

      If you are attracted to her and you feel she might like you, there is nothing wrong with making a move and making your intentions known. Do not fear being rejected its all part of the process.

  9. Hey,i ev a bro n she loves a
    Hey,i ev a bro n she loves a gal bt dat gal we’ve bn friends for so long n where we a nw , lyk bro&sis.dis gal loves another guiy yet ma bro is in love with her.he always tells me to tlk to her to convice her so as to love him bt wen i tlk to her, she only says dats “i even know she has never fallen for him n won’t ever.”bt dis bro ov mine weneva tlks to me ,he asks me bt i feel awful for him bcz ov da negatives things for him..pls am confused,wat can i do cz am act’ as a middle men n i know the truth dat da gal doesnt love wat i can tl ma bro?

  10. I have a friend I met during…
    I have a friend I met during my service year… We worked together during the last election process..Her personality attracted me to her which I asked her out after the election…But her response was it’s complicated but she claimed she likes my personality,she told me she likes me…I fixed another time to ask her what makes it complicated, she unveiled to me that she has a bf but her parent is not in support of their relationship, which led to why I pressed on thinking she is will accept me for almost 4month…I expressed my deepest affection, love,feeling and care towards her but she is not just seeing of…I felt rejected and not welcomed…so I need your advice on this…should I free her completely or I should just keep a distance for a while… I need your advice on this.

    1. Hi Niyi, so sorry about this…

      Hi Niyi, so sorry about this. Unfortunately, sometimes you will put yourself out there only to find that a person is not available. This person is dating someone else, while her parents may be against the relationship, it appears she still wants to be with this person meaning she is unavailable even though she likes you. Waiting and hoping that she will be interested at some point may be frustrating and you don’t know how long or even if she will be interested in the future. It is hard, but all you can do now is to move on. Have a look at the following article;-

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