Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Painfully shy

By Valentine Njoroge October 7, 06:00 am
I can’t seem to get a girl in my life. I can’t stand in front of a girl, let alone greet her, or utter a word. Please advise me on how to go about it?

Just shy

Aaaawww honey, you’re just shy. That’s all it is: you are shy around women. Believe it or not, I am shy. I dread meeting strangers and I hate speaking in front of people. My hands sweat, and my right leg starts shaking. I would love to tell you that after a ten-year media career as a radio and TV presenter, journalist, and occasional speechmaker, I have found a magic cure. But I haven’t. What keeps me talking – while shaking and sweating – is the belief that what I have to say has value.

You are worth it

You are valuable and you are worth getting to know. Your life will also be enriched by getting to know other people. So I suggest that you focus more on that, and less on your discomfort.

Meg Cabot wrote, 'Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear; the brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.'

When you speak to a woman despite your anxiety, and she responds, you see that the world did not end and slowly you will gain confidence, especially when the women respond positively.

Also, forget the agenda of 'getting a girl in your life'; aim to just say 'hello' and smile.

Build it up

Start with women you are not trying to date, like the kiosk lady or a friend of the family and go from there. If you can join a church group or something similar, you will find that the setting makes it easier to talk to the opposite sex rather than walking up to a total stranger and starting a random conversation. Think of confidence as a muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it will grow. As you get used to talking to women, then you can start talking to girls you might like. 

Have you overcome shyness? How did you do it? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.

Did you learn something new?

Hi John, love works in mysterious ways! Yes, it can work, but that depends on what both of you want from a relationship. And it would be advisable to meet at some point, to make sure you also love each other in person.
am alfred
Fri, 08/19/2016 - 08:00 am
whn i try to date a gal.i find my self difficult.i event luck words to express could this be part of fear or luck of experience in dating.
I have been dating a girl for 3yrs now.i love her so much and I want to marry her.I went to their home and her that I want to marry her next year.but she told me that she is not ready what can I do?
Hi David, Marriage is a life time commitment and thus it needs one's full readiness and commitment. If you indeed love her you and are committed to her then your best choice is to give her time to be ready just like you are.
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