Dating can be pretty hard. Sometimes, it feels like an interview, especially when every relationship involves the usual questions:
You know, the:
‘What do you like?’
‘What are you looking for?’
‘What do you do for fun?’
Etc. Etc. Etc.
But the one I hate the most is:
‘What's your body count?’
Simply put, body count is the number of people you have sex with. It does not count if there hasn’t been a penetration, it does not matter how intimate the make-out was, or how much stuff you have done with someone. Body count here refers only to the number of people you have had penetrative sex with.
I have been around the block a few times and I know the question of body count makes people fearful. Some, and by some, I mean me, are always ready to share. I mean, even if I lied about it, if we are going to be in a long-term relationship, I think honesty is non-negotiable.
I want my partner to know that nothing is off the table. That we can talk about chipo-smokie in the morning and in the evening discuss why the Taliban invading Afghanistan is a threat to democracy and finish off by talking about our sexual preferences.
A good partner would not judge you because you have a high or a low body count. What matters at the moment is that you are here with them, and it is only them whom you see in your future.
The business of relationships can be hard work sometimes, but it is only as hard as we make it seem. A lady I once dated told me how her ex had such a high body count and could never stop thinking if she was just part of his ‘hit-list.' I was like, what? She asked me if that was ‘normal’.
I’ll tell you what I told her: I really hate the word ‘normal’ when it's applied to sex. Here's the reason: When we hear the word ‘normal’ in a public conversation about sex, its meaning isn't mathematical. It's judgmental. This word is thrown around when we are trying to judge, shame, or control someone else's expectations.
As long as the true values of your relationship have been defined, there is an open line for communication, and most importantly, you are happy, then it should not matter whether I have slept with one person or 100 people.
Would you tell your partner about your body count?