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No more deadbeat men

No luck in the dating department? Are the men interested in you either straight-up losers or show their deadbeat side once you’ve gone on a few dates?

You know, the men who will ask you to lend them ‘just a little money’ but will never pay it back? Or the ones who don’t call or text you for weeks, then randomly send freaky texts asking you to come over for a little ‘bump and grind’?

Well, I hate to tell you this. But the truth is – it’s your fault, not theirs.

Yep.

You are totally responsible for the kind of men you attract. A booty call man will only have the guts to ask for some booty if you have shown signs of being easy prey.

Similarly, a guy will only ask you for money – and not repay it – if he thinks he can get away with it.

The good news, though, is that you can stop attracting losers if you work on four areas of your life. Here goes:

Grooming
A woman who takes care of her appearance and hygiene will attract a certain kind of men and repel another group. How often do you get your hair done? Your nails? Do you dress appropriately, in well-fitting clothes?

Well, if you have been wearing your braids for the last two months, you have no business saying you are looking for a well-to-do man who has himself together because honey – you don’t even have yourself together!

Let’s switch roles for a moment – if you wouldn’t look twice at a man who looks shabby, why do you expect a good man to be attracted to you when you are not taking care of your grooming?

Ladies, you need to take care of your appearance. You do not have to be the most attractive woman in the room, but when you take care of yourself, you will attract the right kind of partner.

Don’t wear loose-fitting clothes or those that are too tight. Keep your nails clean – if you like nail polish, you can apply some too, though it’s not necessary. Go for a facial every once in a while and get rid of that dead skin, take a shower regularly and eat right.

When you take care of yourself, you will start to attract people who do the same. And feel great in your own skin.
Desperation
You’ve let the world know how desperate you are to be in a relationship. You look for any opportunity to bring up the fact that you are single and you hate it.

Your profile page is tagged single, your prayer request whenever you go to church is that you find a husband, you post pictures and hashtag couple goals all over your Instagram and so on?

If that sounds like you, you are likely to attract a hit-and-run kind of guy because he knows all you are looking for is some affirmation.

It is a good thing to want to have a companion, but it should not be all you think and focus on all day, every day.

A good way to get your mind off of desperately needing to be in a relationship is to develop hobbies and have a strong circle of good friends. What do you enjoy doing?

Or better yet, what can you try out and maybe discover you have an interest in? How about signing up for a cycling event with a group that organises excursions?

This could be a good way to exercise and form some acquaintanceship. Or maybe you could enjoy some alone time and drive out of the city for a weekend. Try to have your days filled with activities you enjoy and you will find yourself thinking less and less about a man.
Shyness and anxiety
You’re shy and isolate yourself: if you have social anxiety and tend to keep to yourself a lot, you will find yourself being targeted by bad guys – the one-hit wonders.

This is because they know you will probably not do anything or tell anyone about their bad behaviour since you are so reclusive.

We are social beings and although it can be hard for someone with social anxiety to open up, you have to take baby steps towards this so that you can live a meaningful life.

Start by talking to an approachable colleague at work or maybe joining a church group where you can practice on interacting.

If you fear rejection, here’s the thing – those who reject you are not part of your destiny.

Not everyone can like you or would want to spend time with you and be your friend, but that is alright. Spend time with those who want to be with you and pay no mind to those who don’t.

Rejection should never make you crawl into a corner – no – that is giving the rejector your power. If someone rejects you, act like it doesn’t matter – this will require a little ‘fake it until you make it’ at first, but soon, it will become normal and you’ll realise it’s okay.

When you start opening up, you will realise there might have been good men interested in you, but they didn’t think the feeling was mutual because you built your walls so high, no one could read what was going on in your mind.

What do you think has been causing you to attract deadbeat men? And are there some aspects of your lifestyle or behaviours you can change to start attracting the right men?
Share your thoughts below or on our Facebook pages, Love Matters Kenya and Love Matters Naija.