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Long-distance love: keep it hot with this proven technique!

Is distance keeping you and your sweetheart apart? Just because your love is far away, doesn’t mean you can’t feel close. This simple strategy can help give your long-distance relationship a boost.

If you’ve ever been in a long-distance relationship, you know all too well what it’s like to pine for your partner’s touch. Of course, there’s no substitute for snuggling up next to them or spending hours chatting face-to-face.

Though it may be months before you see them, a recent US study has shown that a simple strategy can help strengthen your relationship in the meantime. What’s more, you can put it to use whenever and wherever you like.

In the study, researchers found over 500 men and women in long-distance relationships. First the participants answered questions that revealed how satisfied they were in their relationship. Next they were split into groups, one of which was asked to ‘savour’ a positive experience they’d had in their relationship. They went over the moment in detail, using their senses, and recalling how they felt and what they thought. Then they answered questions about their emotions, both good and bad.

Relationship savouring

In the final part of the study, the participants were asked to imagine a scenario where their partner didn’t call them when they said they would. The researchers wanted to know if savouring the good times could help during stressful moments.

Taking time to mentally conjure up positive experiences you’ve had with your partner really could help your long-distance relationship, the study found. People in the relationship-savouring group had more positive emotions and fewer negative ones after replaying good times with their sweetheart.

It’s these positive emotions that can help people in long-distance relationships weather the kinds of stressors that come up when they’re living apart – things like one partner not phoning when they say they will.

Not surprisingly, relationship savouring is especially helpful for people who are in happy relationships to begin with, the study found.

Savour every detail

So if distance is keeping you and your partner apart, savouring the good times you’ve had could help bring you closer together. Think about moments big or small where you really felt ‘cherished, protected, or accepted’ by your partner – as per the instructions given to the study’s participants.

Then replay those moments in your mind. Go over all the details, including things like the weather and what you and your partner were wearing. Try to use your senses and remember your thoughts and feelings. This simple strategy could give your relationship a boost until the next time you and your sweetheart are together.

Related: Your Long Distance Relationship Can Work


Are you far away from the one you love? Need to share? Leave a message below or join the discussion on Facebook. Or check out our forum: Let’s talk!

Source: Relational savoring in long-distance romantic relationships (2015). Jessica L. Borelli, Hannah F. Rasmussen, Margaret L. Burkhart, David A. Sbarra. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 32(8):1083-1108.
Illustration: Shutterstock / michaeljung / rangizzz – Love Matters

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Recent Comments (20)

    1. That’s good to hear Emma.
      That’s good to hear Emma.

  1. Myn is far an still working .
    Myn is far an still working ….I’ll like to following ur advice..thenkyou

    1. Thanks for sharing that
      Thanks for sharing that Winnie.

  2. am far bt i dnt whether she…
    am far bt i dnt whether she knwz dat i thnk abt ha bt da advice z gud i do dat

  3. He is far and I love him I…
    He is far and I love him I think of him every time but I don’t know if he does I always feel lyk I wana be beside him evryday

    1. Maureen, it’s great to hear…

      Maureen, it’s great to hear that despite the distance you still love your man! Sometimes we can have doubts on whether your partner feels the same,  but with constant communication, mutual respect, openness, and honesty you can build a strong and healthy relationship. 

      1. It was working final, but we…
        It was working final, but we have some small quarrels and still settle, but I don’t know for how long we can keep hanging on. Lost a guy I used to care about, due to same process,

        1. Hi Winnie, 

          Quarrels and…

          Hi Winnie, 

          Quarrels and conflicts are normal part of relationships, including long distance relationships. As long as it does not get abusive, its alright. The important thing is to solve these conflicts and work towards improving your relationship. Why do you feel that your relationship won’t work? Is it because of the conflicts or other factors?

  4. Haha, this makes mystical…
    Haha, this makes mystical waves pass by, its a great inner capacity of memories and love, wherever she is am talking to her, far and near at the same time, I man love her,

    1. That’s great Ras, keep the…

      That’s great Ras, keep the love burning!

  5. Mine is far but I love him…
    Mine is far but I love him so much more so our son bring us closer each an every day ,like your advice though makes me feel motivated

    1. Hey Suzii, good to know that…

      Hey Suzii, good to know that you have found a way to make your long distance relationship work. We are glad that this article was also useful to you. We wish you well.

  6. It’s hell with me,,I love so…
    It’s hell with me,,I love so much,but my worry of not able to communicate effectively because she keep on complaining that she ever busy,felt uncomfortable with distance relationship

    1. Hi Gordon, long distance…

      Hi Gordon, long distance relationships can be challenging to make work. Have you talked about the difficulties in communication and how to address them? Find a convenient time for you both and talk about this so you can together agree on how to make things work. Talk about which time is convenient for communication between the two of you. This will help you agree on how to proceed.

  7. I am far way with my fiancée…
    I am far way with my fiancée for so long but am confused bcos my parent said that I will not marry her NCOs she was employed in d sss organization so I don’t known wat do now and am so fatuated to her pls help me!!!.

    1. Hello Jamilu, what issues…

      Hello Jamilu, what issues does your parent have with the organization your fiancé? Have you tried to address those issues? It is important you begin by addressing the issues your parent has, if you are unable to, you could reach out to a close relative or family friend to help you talk to your parent. You may even consider introducing your fiancé to your parent maybe it will help to change their perception. Ultimately, the decision as to who you will marry is your decision, everybody else can offer advice which you can take or not. We wish you all the best. 

  8. I pray it works for me,…
    I pray it works for me, because I do feel insecure most times,

    1. Hello Anonymous, if you work…

      Hello Anonymous, if you work on the relationship together then everything should be fine.

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