Why soul-mate couples break up
‘We’re soul mates. We’ve always known we were made for each other!’ Will lovers who think this way be together forever? Don’t be too sure, say psychology researchers.
No relationship is without conflict, from minor quarrels over taking out the garbage to major disagreements about money. But fighting itself doesn’t have to spell disaster. Instead, it’s how a couple views their relationship that affects whether conflict hurts or is no big deal.
There are all sorts of ways for couples to think and talk about their relationship. Some see themselves as soul mates, believing they were made for each other. For others, a relationship is a life-long journey with ups and downs. They believe that sticking together means being there through thick and thin.
Pick a frame
Psychologists describe the way lovers view their romance as a ‘frame’. The frame they choose could determine whether the relationship lasts a lifetime or is doomed to fail, recent Canadian research has found.
In a series of studies, the researchers gave couples reasons to believe in one of two ‘frames’. Then they were asked how they felt when conflict came up in their real-life relationship or in an imaginary one.
Couples who believe in the first frame – that they’re soul mates – have a worse time when the going gets tough, the research showed. They feel like a fight is a total relationship meltdown. They tend to think, ‘Hey, if we were really meant for each other, we would never fight!’
But for a couple who thinks of their relationship as a journey, fights are just obstacles to overcome on the way. These couples believe their relationship grows stronger as a result. In fact, say the researchers, people with this outlook are just as satisfied with their relationship after a fight as they are after a celebration!
Get the attitude
Feel like your romantic dreams of grand passion are shattered? Well, actually this research is pretty great news for couples everywhere. It means that just by changing your attitude to your relationship, you can improve your chances of staying happy together in the long term.
And if you’re looking for love, don’t go searching for a soul mate. Love is a journey, and ‘made for each other’ is a dead end.
Have you broken up with someone you regarded as your soul mate? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.
Reference: Framing love: When it hurts to think we were made for each other
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (20)
Am Happy Its Has Helped Me To
Am Happy Its Has Helped Me To Know How To Live In Good Relationships And No Relationship Without Ups And Down Thanks For That
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
I’v always searched 4 1 but I
I’v always searched 4 1 but I didn’t even find love itself. Hahaha…
Patience, it will come 🙂
Patience, it will come 🙂
Hae lovematters, sincerly
Hae lovematters, sincerly speaking u hav helped us alot. But still i,havent got a girl yet. I dont know y i fear approaching them. Pliz guide me to get one…
Dayvil,
Dayvil,
Reaching out to people that you are attracted to can be difficult because of the fear of being rejected. However, they are no different than how would approach a friend, family or other person. The initial hello and coming up with small talk is the same idea except the person is front of you is attractive.
The best way to do this when you are nervous is to talk to people who share interest. Do they go to school with you? Are they working? Did you meet them at the movies? This way there is already a commonality between you an it gives you the first conversation topic. Find other people who like what you like and try to mingle from there.
Otherwise, just be honest. Tell them who you are, why you approached the (they said something smart, they like the same team, you find them beautiful etc) and then build the conversation from there. Tell them about yourself, and ask questions about them. You are attracted to them and ideally as you learn more about them you will become interested in them.
Everyone has nerves and the girls know that. They will be flattered that you even tried to reach out and talk.
yea is has happening and ii
yea is has happening and ii feel as if its the end of life without him
So sorry to hear that
So sorry to hear that Magdalene! We will we sending positive thoughts your way.
av bin in several
av bin in several relationships bt I havn, t find love,, is samthng rong with mi
Carol, sweety, I’m sure there
Carol, sweety, I’m sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!
Give it time, be patient. Spend lots of time with the guy before starting a relationship, to make sure you have things in common and you want the same things out of a relationship.
thenks for the motivation. i
thenks for the motivation. i experience the same, my girlfriend is not always open to me,she does things in secrete when i ask her she cant even explain so i had no option only to let her go
Pole sana, Erick.
Pole sana, Erick.
We hope the pain of the break-up will become less and less soon.
Tea is my coursemate
Tea is my coursemate schooling togeta, like en love ha xo much bt av neva dumped tz 2 ha coz i fear rejection..when i saw my heart alwayz give ajump…tz as brought an impact not only n my lyf bt also n my studies azn i kant concentrate…i av ha number bt………..wot kan i do coz i feel ha 2 b my bright future…
Davis,
Davis,
Reaching out to people that you are attracted to can be difficult because of the fear of being rejected. However, they are no different than how would approach a friend, family or other person. The initial hello and coming up with small talk is the same idea except the person is front of you is attractive.
The best way to do this when you are nervous is to talk to people who share interest. Do they go to school with you? Are they working? Did you meet them at the movies? This way there is already a commonality between you and it gives you the first conversation topic. Find other people who like what you like and try to mingle from there.
Otherwise, just be honest. Tell them who you are, why you approached the (they said something smart, they like the same team, you find them beautiful etc.) and then build the conversation from there. Tell them about yourself, and ask questions about them. You are attracted to them and ideally as you learn more about them you will become interested in them.
Everyone has nerves and the girls know that. They will be flattered that you even tried to reach out and talk.
thanks for all that u’ve bein
thanks for all that u’ve bein postin so far,u really taught me alot,but am in a situation that i need ur help,i inbox love matter but u havnt replied me,am waiting 4 the reply
Hey there,
Hey there,
if you mean on Facebook, our apologies, we are fighting with a huge number of questions every day. We will get to it soon!
Magnificent writing! You have
Magnificent writing! You have hit the nail on the head with your viewpoints in this article. I think you did a good job with this.
Thanks Florinda!
Thanks Florinda!
This has really opened up my
This has really opened up my eyes! Thought we were soulmates too but out of the blues, she broke up with me.
Glad it was helpful. Thanks
Glad it was helpful. Thanks for sharing that with us Kuheza.