Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Love lost after baby

'Since I had a baby with my girlfriend, I have lost my love for her. I am also receiving threats from her parents, who want to force me to marry her. Please advise!' pleads a reader. Valentine’s advice: think hard and man up!

When we marry someone, we marry the entire family and they become our family too. Have you lost your love for your girlfriend or are you simply unwilling to marry into a family that deals with each other through threats and force? If I had potential in-laws breathing down my neck to marry their son, I might stop loving him; or at least wonder what I was getting myself into. Marriage is about love, not bullying and coercion.

Your situation is complicated by the fact that you have a child with this woman. She is probably afraid that you will leave her and she will be left to raise your child as a single parent. Her parents may also be afraid of this future for their daughter and grandchild; and they may not want to bear the responsibility of your actions. Meanwhile, you are afraid of being forced into a marriage and dealing with them for the rest of your life.

Having a child is also a terrifying prospect and for most young men it doesn’t hit home until the child is alive and breathing and looking them in the eye. Are you scared of fatherhood? Are you afraid you might fail as a father?

Even from your very short correspondence I can hear how afraid you all are of this situation. This fear is making you all act a little crazy. I suggest you take some time to think about what kind of man you want to be. You do not have to marry a woman you do not love, but it sounds like you want to be involved with your child’s life – which why you are angered by her parents.

You can choose to be a father and not a husband, or after some time you might find that you want both. Sitting with your own thoughts will give you your answer. Do not disappear on this girl as that will only make the situation worse. Tell her what you are considering, and how you feel about her parents threats then go from there. Remember that this too shall pass.


Have you lost love for your partner after having a baby? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

Comments
Champion Shadrach
Mon, 07/07/2014 - 20:14
What am afraid of is that, if you become a father and not husband. when you'll become a father and husband, you'll have two home, instead one.

Hey Nic, I am not able to tell what could be the problem. It is important you talk to your partner and get to know what makes them not to trust you. This way you can both find a solution to the issues that may have led to the distrust. https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

Anonymous
Fri, 10/05/2018 - 16:36
I have gat this gal (not my lover) who is pregnant of my baby, it just happened we had sex and she got pregnant, I don't love her,,, and I don't wanna marry coz I have the one I love,

Hi there, have you talked to your lover about this? Since this is a pregnancy and eventually a child, it maybe challenging to keep it a secret forever. It is important that you take sometime and think about what sharing this with your partner will mean and what her response might be. Also, how is this information likely to affect your relationship? Take time, think about these things and then make an informed decision.   

Add new comment

Comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>