Let’s get candid about miscarriages
If you’re pregnant, hopefully it will end with you holding a healthy baby. But things can go wrong and they do sometimes. This is a tough conversation but it’s only fair that we make room for both easy and difficult conversations.
Around one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage. What are the first signs? What can you expect to happen if you have a miscarriage? Why does it happen? And how would you feel?
Bleeding
It can be scary if you have bleeding from your vagina, or ‘spotting’ in your underwear when you’re pregnant. You can easily fear the worst and think it means you’re having a miscarriage. But often it’s nothing to worry about.
During pregnancy the blood vessels in your cervix can be delicate and bleed much more easily, so you can find blood in your underwear or on the sheets. You can compare it to a nosebleed! It can especially happen after sex because the penis bumps into the cervix. But it won’t do the baby any harm at all.
Not all bleeding during pregnancy is harmless though. It can be the start of a miscarriage. What’s more, bleeding can also be a sign of an ectopic pregnancy, where the baby is growing outside the womb. So if you experience bleeding during early pregnancy, perhaps everything is fine, but you should still go and see the doctor or midwife to get checked out.
One in three early pregnancies end before the woman’s period is late. The fertilised egg just comes out with the blood like a normal period. If this happens, you won’t even realise you’ve been pregnant. A miscarriage is when the pregnancy ends in the first 16 weeks. And in fact, that happens with about one in five pregnancies.
Grief is a normal part of the process
Miscarriages might be a part of life, but that doesn’t make them any easier to bear. A miscarriage can be deeply upsetting. The further on in the pregnancy the miscarriage happens, the deeper the grief. Especially if you’ve been longing to get pregnant, your dreams are shattered and your future falls to pieces.
People can make it worse by not understanding your feelings. They might say things like, ‘It was probably for the best.’ Or ‘Don’t worry, you’re still young, there’s still plenty of time for another baby.’ But whatever people say, you have every right to feel grief for your miscarriage.
Why does it happen though?
It might sound harsh, but it’s true there’s nearly always a ‘good’ reason for a miscarriage. In most cases, it’s because there is something wrong with the baby. So you shouldn’t feel guilty that something you’ve done has caused the miscarriage, like heavy exercise or passionate sex.
It’s true sex can sometimes set off a miscarriage, but it’s not the cause. The miscarriage was going to happen anyway, and sex just starts it off.
How does it happen?
A miscarriage starts with bleeding and painful cramps like period pains. It can be very painful because it’s like a mini-birth. The cervix has to open up to let the embryo and placenta out, and you have contractions just like in labour. And it takes time. A hot-water bottle on your lower back or stomach, or a warm bath, can help you cope with the pain.
You should expect to bleed more than a normal period. But if the bleeding is like a running tap, or carries on after the amniotic sac (the bag holding the embryo) has come out, you should get medical help.
If the pain carries on after the miscarriage has finished it could mean not everything has come out properly. Again you should get medical help. You might need an operation called a D&C (dilation and curettage) to suck out anything left in the womb.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (50)
In the year 2013 had a…
In the year 2013 had a miscarry and i did not visit any clinic and now am pregnant is there any chance of miscarry?
We are so sorry for your…
We are so sorry for your lost Ann. It is important you visit a clinic for prenatal care, this will help monitor the grow of your baby and address any issues before it is too late. We wish you well.
Early this year my wife had…
Early this year my wife had a miscarriage and even befor that six month earlier we expected pregnancy but instead she got her periods can isay there is a problem some were? What can we do then
Hi Emma, So sorry for your…
Hi Emma, So sorry for your loss. Did the medical provider tell you what led to the carriage? This is good place to start even as you try getting pregnant again in the future. Talk to your health provider so they can advice you. We wish you well.
I had been micouraging for 3…
I had been micouraging for 3 times and I don’t no t broblem and now am ptecnant wat will I do not to experience such?
What really causes this…
What really causes this miscarriage
HI Celleh, Most miscarriages…
HI Celleh, Most miscarriages happen when the unborn baby has serious genetic problems. Usually, these problems are unrelated to the mother. Other causes can include; infection, medical conditions in the mother such as diabetes, hormone problems, Immune system responses, physical problems in the mother and uterine abnormalities.
In this year I had…
In this year I had amiscarriage but now i am pregnant of 5months but still I fill the pain what am I supposed to do? To avoid any infection?
What to expect duri ng labour
What to expect duri ng labour
Hi Eisii, I suggest you…
Hi Eisii, I suggest you visit to a specialist – Gynecologist so they can help to monitor the pregnancy and advice you which may help to prevent this from happening.
Hey Fayie, since everyone is…
Hey Fayie, since everyone is different I suggest you talk to your Midwife or Gynecologist who will give you comprehensive information on what to expect and also help monitor the onset of labor. We wish you well.
Hi Lydia, It is important…
Hi Lydia, It is important you talk to your Midwife or Gynecologist so they can monitor your pregnancy especially if you are experiencing pain. We wish you well.
How possible is it to get…
How possible is it to get pregnant again after a miscarriage and be able to have the baby?
Hey Rosie, yes most of the…
Hey Rosie, yes most of the women who have had a miscarriage can still get pregnant again and even go on to deliver their baby. It depends on the reason that led to the miscarriage in the first place. One needs to talk to their health provider to see whether this is possible and whether they require any treatment before getting pregnant. Lastly, it is important to take time to heal emotionally from the loss before choosing to get pregnant. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/miscarriage-top-facts
If you always have a…
If you always have a miscarriage what maybe the problem?
Hey Leah, it is difficult to…
Hey Leah, it is difficult to tell what could be the problem. It is important for one to visit a Gynecologist before they get pregnant. This will help ensure that the pregnancy is monitored throughout to prevent a possible miscarriage.
2017 I abort bcoz of hard…
2017 I abort bcoz of hard situation I wos passing thru From that day I become jealous of may self then I got married and I was paged then after seven week I miscarriage wat can be the problem
Hi Trizah, so sorry about…
Hi Trizah, so sorry about your loss. I am not able to tell what could have happened. You also didn’t talk about what kind of abortion you had and whether it was a safe abortion. A safe abortion is one that was conducted by a professional health provider. Usually when an abortion is safe, it will not affect one’s ability to get or carry a pregnancy in the future. I suggest you speak to your health care provider for further advice. Have a look at this article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/miscarriage
Wat abt somefluigs coming…
Wat abt somefluigs coming out…wat could b the promblem
Hey Ann, your question is…
Hey Ann, your question is not clear, could you rephrase? Have a look at the following article to see if it will address your concerns;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/vaginal-discharge-top-facts
I miscouraged when tuning…
I miscouraged when tuning 3months now am 1year 7month what taking me too long to get pregnant does it mean i wont get pregnant again?
Dear xexil, so sorry about…
Dear xexil, so sorry about your loss. It is important that you consult a Gynecologist who will be able to advice. Usually it may take upto about 12 month for one to get pregnant, since in your case it has been longer that this period you and your partner need to go see the specialist for further advice. Also, having a miscarriage doesn’t affect ones ability to get pregnant in future. Check out the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/before-pregnancy/getting-pregnant-dos-and-donts
I miscoureged what is taking…
I miscoureged what is taking too long to get pregnant again
Dear Cicilia, so sorry about…
Dear Cicilia, so sorry about your loss. Usually it may take upto about 12 month for one to get pregnant, if in your case it has been longer than 12 months, you and your partner need to see a specialist Gynecologist for a check and further advice. Also, having a miscarriage doesn’t affect ones ability to get pregnant in future. Check out the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/before-pregnancy/getting-pregnant-dos-and-donts
Can i get the steps of…
Can i get the steps of pregnencies.
Hey there, your question is…
Hey there, your question is not clear but if you are asking about what to expect during pregnancy, have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/how-the-baby-develops
Steps of pregnancies
Steps of pregnancies
Hey Lucy, what do you mean…
Hey Lucy, what do you mean by steps of pregnancy? Have a look at this article that explains some of the things you should expect during pregnancy;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/how-the-baby-develops
I have lost three…
I have lost three pregnancies I feel so discouraged I don’t want to think about trying ever again yet my husband really want to have children.
Hey Dorothy, we are so sorry…
Hey Dorothy, we are so sorry about this. This was not your fault and there is nothing you could have done to have a different outcome. I suggest you talk to a Gynecologist before you try again. It is possible to carry a baby to term even after having a miscarriage, it is however important you take sometime and heal from the previous loses. Let your partner know, you can even consider getting professional help together with your partner before getting ready to try again. We wish you well. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/miscarriage-top-facts
Last year i had 2…
Last year i had 2 miscarriages but since then i have not concieve.this month june it will make a year i had the miscarriage.i have been to gynchologist but no traces or reason for me not to be pregnant.please what should i do
Hey Bukky, so sorry about…
Hey Bukky, so sorry about your loss. It can take upto 12 months for one to get pregnant. Also, having a miscarriage doesn’t mean one can’t get pregnant in future. Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/before-pregnancy/getting-pregnant-when-you-cant-seem-to-have-a-baby
Is there anything you can do…
Is there anything you can do stop a miscarriage if you have had one in the picture past?
Hey Elizabeth, there is no…
Hey Elizabeth, there is no way to predict if a miscarriage will happen and for this reason it is important to speak your doctor before conception so they can help you take measures and closely monitor both the mother and baby. One can still carry a pregnancy to term even if they have had a miscarriage and deliver a healthy baby. All the best. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/miscarriage-top-facts
am pregnant and am not…
am pregnant and am not comfortable with it
Dear Lydia, I imagine this…
Dear Lydia, I imagine this has caused confusion especially if it was not planned. There are a few options you can consider which may include caring the pregnancy to term and then giving up the baby for adoption. Another option is abortion but this is subject to which country you are in and the laws that govern this service. Depending with the country you are in, try and visit a Marie Stopes centre or clinic and they will further advice you on your options. You can also consider talking to a person you trust to help you make an informed decision. We wish you all the best. Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/unsure-about-being-pregnant/am-i-pregnant
Hi i started bleeding…
Hi i started bleeding heavily and clots today moring but i have no cramps or pain and i feel eveything is fine but am worried because i dont know whether i have misscarry my baby
Hello Mercy, thank you for…
Hello Mercy, thank you for reaching out to us. Whereas bleeding can occur during pregnancy and can be harmless, it is best to see a medical professional who will advise you on the best course of action
I had 3weeks miscarrige what…
I had 3weeks miscarrige what can i take
Hello Olajumoke, so sorry to…
Hello Olajumoke, so sorry to hear you went through this. After a miscarriage it is best to see a medical proffessional to advise you on the way forward.
I have been in a situation…
I have been in a situation twice and i don’t know why? recently i start feeling some pain
Hello Violet, thank you for…
Hello Violet, thank you for getting in touch and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Did you recently go through a miscarriage? Since this is a medical issue we strongly advise you see a medical professional for a comprehensive diagnosis.
You can call Marie Stopes Kenya today for free on 0800 720005 or WhatsApp them on 0709819001 for help and to book an appointment with them.
I miscarried on 2017 up to…
I miscarried on 2017 up to then I was unable to get pregnant,now am 6 weeks pregnant,should I visit a doctor or is just ok
HI Doro, thank you for…
HI Doro, thank you for getting in touch with us and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. Please click on the following link to find out more:
https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/being-pregnant/8-things-to-do-after-miscarriage
Please feel free to go through more of our awesome content. Doing so will help you make more informed decisions on love, sex and relationships within your life and help you become your most loving, positive self.
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Have a wonderful week and stay safe!
June this year my girl had a…
June this year my girl had a misscarriage she just woke up one of Sundays and found her self bleeding and she was rushed to the hospital but all dint go well the fetus had to be removed bacause the cervix had open and the amuniotic fluid was like coming out.Her pregnancy was at 5 months.my wife was carrying a twin pregnancy.
1:what was the cause of that misscariage?
2:Does misscariages happens at five months?
Hi John,
So sorry about…
Hi John,
So sorry about your loss.
To answer your first question, there are many factors that cause miscarriages as well as factors that predispose some women. These may include the fetus not developing normally, problems with the placenta, and uterine and cervis problems. If she a older than 35 her chances of getting a miscarriage are higher. Read this article to learn more: Common causes of miscarriages.
Yes, a miscarriage can happen at 5 months. However, most miscarriages happen within the first 3 months of pregnancy.
Sending you love and light.
I had a miscarriage on my…
I had a miscarriage on my first pregnant at fifth month and again I conceived another pregnant after 2 month of miscarriage now this time round it wasn’t miscarriage,I gave birth to immature baby but bad lack the baby passed away after 3 days in the nursery
Now am having another pregnant 5 month old although am under gynecologist care but still am worried
Hi Glory,
I am so sorry…
Hi Glory,
I am so sorry about what you have gone through. Miscarriages can take a toll on your health and leave you scared when you are pregnant. the best thing to do is to try and focus on the present so that you and your unborn baby are safe. You are in great hands and this time, you will give birth to a healthy child. Do not be afraid to share your concerns with your doctor or a loved one. Sometimes, talking can help you feel better about yourself. Also, always remember that it is not your fault that you’ve lost before. Take great care of yourself and follow the doctor’s advice. You will be fine. Wishing you a safe delivery and a healthy child. Hugs!
Can arbotion contributes to…
Can arbotion contributes to miscarriage?
Hi JoyLeon,
A safe medical…
Hi JoyLeon,
A safe medical abortion doesn’t appear to increase the risk of miscarriage or having normal pregnancies in the future. However, the risks to future pregnancies may depend on the type of elective abortion performed. An abortion done by a qualified health care provider is unlikely to bring any complications while unsafe abortion may lead to complications.