I love two ladies, whom should I marry?
I am 34 and single. I love two ladies. One is my age, works, has a lot of cash, never cooks or cleans my house, and rarely visits – she claims to be too busy.
The other is 10 years younger, unemployed and does everything for me – washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning etc. Which one should I marry?
Wife or maid?
Hahahaha!!! I think you may have asked the wrong person this question. Are you looking for a wife or a maid?
Jokes aside, though, have you heard of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman? He writes that each of us has a language that screams ‘love’ to us.
The languages are: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and gifts/acts of service. We all understand the other languages but we have one or perhaps two that really resonate with us. Is sounds like yours is acts of service. You love these women and you could, by your own admission spend your life with either of them. However, one apparently speaks your language of love fluently while the other apparently still needs to be taught.
Who speaks your language?
The younger woman makes you feel wanted and cared for while the other is ‘too busy’ to see you. More than just the language of love, it doesn’t sound like the older lady is very interested in you and your life.
I cannot possibly tell you whom to marry. That’s a very personal choice and but for the short e-mail you wrote, I don’t know anything else about you. We cannot foresee the future and the decision to marry is inherently and flagrantly hopeful and optimistic. We commit to building a life with another person believing that we will navigate the future together. While dating, we look for markers that indicate where our partner is most likely to fall when it comes to big decisions surrounding money, child-rearing, religion, fidelity etc.
Ask different questions
Perhaps instead of looking at chores which can easily be fulfilled by hired help, you should be asking deeper questions about the women you date. Such as: What are their values? How would they like to raise their children? Are they, or are they not, honest law-abiding citizens.
Washing plates is easy. Creating a home filled with kindness and acceptance is a lot more challenging.