• Love & Relationships
• Relationship Problems

Post break-up sex: a good idea?

By Getrude Mungai on

My boyfriend just told me that he doesn’t love me anymore but he still wants us to be intimate. I still love him. Help!

I am really sorry you found yourself in this situation. Unfortunately, that is the reality of life; we all have to kiss a frog or two before the prince comes along. Some kiss more frogs than others. Kissing the wrong frog can cause lots of tears, but one is probably saved from a lifetime of heartaches.

For most women, the situation is complicated by miscommunication. Or a lack of communication from the men. When there is communication, like in your case, it’s often not straightforward, leaving women confused and wondering what went wrong.

Your case is unusual in the sense that he still wants you around for his own selfish needs. It’s not the usual hit and run situation, where a guy takes off after sex without saying goodbye.

Sex is the celebration of mutual love and not a physical relief on the part of one party. If reciprocal love is absent, the loving party will most likely suffer rejection leading to low self-esteem and ultimately depression. No man is worth going through that.

I can only speculate that there is someone else in the picture. And this girl won’t let him dip his hands into the cookie jar. Thus, while he is pleading his case with her, why not continue having fun at your expense? If you discover his new catch, you can’t complain, as yours is a friends with benefits situation.
He could even be getting it with the new chic and still want to have it with you. Some guys would do it just because they can, in the hope to get away with it.

Another scenario could be that he is afraid of the speed at which your relationship is moving forward. This has him scared of committing to a long-term or more permanent relationship.

Whatever it may be: the guy has no respect for you at all. He has probably gotten away with ‘murder’ before. He thus takes everything for granted. I am sure he is aware you love him and will do anything to keep him.

I strongly urge you to move on. Even though it may seem like you will never get over him and your world is collapsing around you. But, like I said before, it’s best that his true colours are now showing.
It’s okay to cry and mourn over the failed relationship, but please keep in mind that time truly heals.

Don’t be in a hurry to get into another relationship, take at least six months off to reflect and heal. Part of the healing process is to try and make sense of what has just happened. So if possible, arrange for a meeting with him to get some answers.

However, please don’t meet him in private, less you end up in bed again, complicating the issue even more. Rather meet at a public place, like a restaurant. Think about all the questions you want answered. Write them down and cross them out as he answers. I wish you all the best and I am sure soon you will meet a man who truly deserves you. God bless.

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