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Once a cheater always a cheater?

We've all heard the phrase ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater.’ Is this true?

We hear it so often many people take it as truth. And while cheating is never an excusable offense, this popular phrase is not necessarily true.

While there are serial cheaters out there, ie. People who make it a consistent cheating spree, anyone who puts in the work can change. These people who cheat on a spree are referred to as narcissists who may treat you so well and seem as if they have your best interest at heart but are just likely thinking about themselves.

If you’ve ever been in a cheating relationship, or if you’ve cheated on someone before, you know that level of hurt can be devastating.

Personally, I don’t believe in all the excuses of what cheaters say: ‘You were not there,’ ‘It was the devil,’ 'It just happened,' 'You were drunk', ‘I was not in my right mind,’; what you need to understand is that if someone has cheated on you, it’s not your fault. Cheating has nothing to do with you; it has to do with the person who is cheating.

People cheat because they want to cheat, and therefore people don’t cheat because they don’t want to cheat. It is a matter of personal values to respect your partner so that you do not end up cheating on them.

The best way to predict the future is to analyze the past. If your partner has started displaying the same behaviors that led to them cheating the first time, then most likely they are going to cheat. But if your partner has expressed remorse, apologized and taken personal responsibility for their mistakes, and is willing to work on themselves, then there is hope.

However, that also depends on some things. Consider:

  • Are you ready to forgive them?
  • Can you keep the past in the past?
  • Will you keep bringing up infidelity issues every time you guys are in a fight?
  • Is your partner serious about changing
  • If your partner working on being transparent to the point that it makes you comfortable 

Healing takes time and you should give yourself enough time to process and learn from that part of your life.

Additionally, what are the values in your relationship? What can you tolerate and what is a deal-breaker? Trying to recover from infidelity in a relationship will often involve a couple setting new boundaries in place to address — and avoid — previous issues that resulted in a betrayal of trust.

I have learned that being clear about your expectations is a sure-fire way of almost affair-proofing your relationship. It’s important to be upfront with your partner about what you want, need, and expect from them. If they can’t give you the type of relationship you’re looking for, then your best bet is to move on before you get hurt.

The bottom line:

Relationships can be tricky and difficult to navigate once trust has been broken. It can take years of work and active effort from both sides and lots of time to build trust, but if both parties are committed and pledge to work together, then yes, the myth that once a cheater always a cheater can finally be broken.

Do you believe that once a cheater, always a cheater? Talk to us in the comments section.

 

Did you learn something new?

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