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Alphonce Omondi

My ex has my baby and my wife has no idea

By Valentine Njoroge February 10, 04:01 pm
I am married but before I got this lady of my dreams, I had a girlfriend. By bad luck, I made her pregnant and now she has my child.

The problem is: how do I approach my wife and tell her about the child? How do I play my cards to make her understand?

It wasn't bad luck

Hahaha!!! You deceitful man!!

You did not make your girlfriend pregnant by bad luck. You made her pregnant through unprotected sex.

You then met your wife, dated her, proposed, and married her – all the while hiding this child from her. And now you want me to help you 'play your cards' to make her understand?

I have no idea how to tell a woman that you have been lying to her for months (or years…) and have her forgive your deceitful behaviour. What you have done is awful and, frankly, cowardly. It is, however, great that you want to come clean and, I am assuming, take care of your child.

Trouble

Dude, you are in trouble and you cannot dress it up. You are just going to have to tell it to her as plainly as you have said it to me: 'Baby, before we met I had a girlfriend named ____ and we have a baby. S/he is ___-years-old. I am sorry that I have kept this from you but I was terrified that you would leave me.'

Your wife will be upset and she will have many questions. You have no choice but to deal with her upset and answer all her questions honestly. She might yell; she might kick you out of the house for lying to her; she might call you names and refuse to talk to you for months… I just don’t know. What I do know is that if you want to continue with this marriage, you will allow her the space to deal with her anger and disappointment and hurt at her own pace. Apologise continuously and keep telling her that you are sorry.

Take responsibility

You must also stop saying that your child was a result of bad luck. Take responsibility for your actions. You chose unprotected sex and you had a baby. You chose to hide this baby from your wife. You got married under false pretences and now you want to make amends.

Hopefully, your wife will choose to forgive you and continue with your marriage.


How would you advise this guy – besides telling him he screwed up? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.

 

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Comments
jacklim
Tue, 04/28/2015 - 02:06 pm
i 2 late for that bcoz u didnt tel her before marry her this wil make her knu that your lier xo we try to think how you wil tel her
Whatever the case or as time goes by, the truth will come out and your wife will know everything you have been hinding........so in good heart approach her and talk to her about the baby...........convince her that it was out of love that you could not make it to tell her the truth........after all she will understand and take her own decisions which you will maybe cop up with.
Well,freedom is not worth having if it doesnt have freedom to make mistakes. Also remember err is to human,forgive,divine.
i don c any problem, coz by the time you had the child, u nvr knew that you could date her and end up in marriage with her. But she shld accept the situation and move on
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