Woman standing against a mustard background holding phone

How to know you’re being catfished

Her name was Sandra. She had just finished high school and was waiting to join college. Ha. I asked her on a date, she agreed.

This was my lucky day—or so I thought.

On the day of the date, she texts me, and says she is stuck somewhere. Apparently, their bus has been stopped and the police have arrested them. What do you do for your love? Anything, right? She wanted 3K urgently to bribe the police. I call her. She doesn’t pick. She sends me a text and says, I can’t talk, please.

Her number calls me and a man speaks, identifying himself as a cop. He says they will arrest her. I sent 3K. A few minutes later, I call but her number was off. It’s been off till today—I just tried it right now.

Later, it dawned on me, I was catfished. I had never seen her real pictures (she had actually downloaded a model’s pic on Instagram) and never heard her voice. Every time I think of this story I slap myself. How could I not see the signs?

Yours truly had been catfished.

When someone catfishes you, they pretend to be someone they’re not, luring prey (Read: You) to trick them, with a false representation or easy meal, into biting?

Sure, some people are just not ‘photogenic’ but who wants to get catfished?  Not you, if you’re reading this right now.

From my experience, I can smell a catfish a mile away.

8 Tips to help you tell if you’re being catfished:

  1. If his/her pictures are either pixelated or blurry, they’re most likely catfish. Even if they took a photo with those old flip phones.
  2. If they never want to do video calls and always prefer audio
  3. If they claim they don’t like talking on the phone, or that they don’t have a bedroom voice, boy, they do have a voice, you’re just not listening.
  4. If they’re always busy for a meet-up, whether online or physical? Even the president makes time for the State of the Nation address.
  5. Love-Bombing: if they are professing their undying love after two days, run. Run! Don’t look back, just run!
  6. If you just met and they’re already asking for money, and then also come up with an excuse about why you should send it to someone else, you’ve guessed it, they’re most definitely a catfish. (Also, you can just send the money to me.)
  7. If they sound a little too perfect!
  8. What does your gut say? If something doesn’t add up, you do the Maths and Ruuuuun! Run for your life. 

Love is a risky business, so the best advice I can give is to go for it, but be careful.

Here’s a rule of thumb—if it’s good to be true, it probably is.

And by the way, we promise it was really Eddy Ashioya who wrote these, not some weird guy in Kazakhstan on his laptop pretending to be Eddy Ashioya.

Have you ever been catfished? Talk to us in the comments section. 

    did you find this useful?

    Tell us what you think

    Recent Comments (7)

    1. Wonderful information
      Wonderful information

      1. Great Jacinta! Glad you…

        Great Jacinta! Glad you learnt something new!

      1. Hi Methodz, 

        Sorry for what?

        Hi Methodz, 

        Sorry for what?

    2. Listen to your 6th sense…
      Listen to your 6th sense someone can’t be befriend you day 1 and starts calling you honey and says he/she loves its hogwash. Hata intro hakuna

      1. True, Irene! If it does not…

        True, Irene! If it does not feel right, it is not right. People who are too quick to use affectionate names too soon are often up to no good. 

    LoveMatters Africa

    Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships