Familiarity = contempt = cheating
You’ve heard all the theories of why men and women cheat. I’ve got a new one. And before you roll your eyes and flip the page, hear me out: we cheat because we’re all spoiled babies…
When it comes to relationships, we all spent years gathering a hit list of ideals on what makes a potential partner. We act as if we work at Mattel and our job is to create the perfect ‘Ken’ or ‘Barbie’. But perfection does not exist, so it’s useless to seek it. Yes, you are entitled to demand more from your beau. But have you looked in the mirror lately?
Okay it was your birthday and he didn’t remember, even though you’ve been together three years. In fact, he doesn’t surprise you with any gifts anymore. You, on the other hand, no longer dress up like you used to, nor do you spend any time getting all prim and proper for your man.
Why? Because you are taking each other for granted. And life provides other demands – children, job, promotion – that takes time from being an ideal all the time.
So what do you do instead of taking the time to spend more time together? You look elsewhere for something you feel like you deserve. You start spending time with someone else who seems to “get you” the way your beau used to.
But you are being selfish. You are choosing ego gratification at the expense of your partner.
Have you tried reworking your time to be more with your partner – who also ends up very tired after a long day? Have you tried pampering them, instead of waiting to be pampered? Compromise is a daily exercise in any relationship, whether we like it or not.
When you have been with someone for so long, you get used to each other. Familiarity can breed contempt. It’s what we do. And that’s why couples are constantly urged to be aware of each other’s feelings to break the cycle.
Infidelity derives from a self-righteous sense of entitlement more than anything else. You should try fixating less on what you want out of your beau, and ask yourself more if you are doing enough.
Are you doing enough for your relationship? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.
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Recent Comments (11)
so true mapenzi ni nipe
so true mapenzi ni nipe nikupe not wanting to receive always.
Thanks for your comment.
Thanks for your comment.
I’m cheated mi love so she so
I’m cheated mi love so she so angry nd not accepting mi apology what can I do I love this woman
Hi Cboh,
Hi Cboh,
you broke her trust. So it’s not surprising she is angry and won’t accept her apology. Give her some time, but keep telling her how much she means to you and how much you regret what happened. Maybe she will be able to trust you again, maybe she won’t…
hi i meet with a somali lady
hi i meet with a somali lady few weeks ago n wat i noticed is that ad already fallen in love to her so ad been trying all means to talk to her. actually we meet n i opened ma heart to her n she told me i wait bt tea is somthing she is hiding frm me. was guessing myb due to am christian surely am not sure so pliz wat shud i do? am realy mad n crazy to her n am not ready to lose her coz she told me she had been given warning never seen wit me by her parents….
Hi Wycliffe,
Hi Wycliffe,
that’s a really tricky situation. Essentially, it’s up to the two of you what to decide, but a relationship where parents don’t agree is bound to get difficult…
There is this girl i met 3wks
There is this girl i met 3wks ago. I proclaimed love for her the first sight, she dint accept it at first but after 3days she said she love me so much. We work in the same plac, we kiss at work and shared alot and she told me is is a virgin. The problem is she doesnt wnt 2 kam in my place or us being 2gether in private. What m8t be the reason?
Hi Tush,
Hi Tush,
well, things seem to be going very fast with the two of you. And I suspect that’s the reason. She might love you (even though it is still very early to know if she really does), but that doesn’t mean she is ready to sleep with you. She might have principles, like no sex before marriage. Or she might be scared, or it’s just too early. The best way to find out is to talk to her, and see what she has to say! Good luck!
There is this girl i met 3wks
There is this girl i met 3wks ago. I proclaimed love for her the first sight, she dint accept it at first but after 3days she said she love me so much. We work in the same plac, we kiss at work and shared alot and she told me is is a virgin. The problem is she doesnt wnt 2 kam in my place or us being 2gether in private. What m8t be the reason?
I find my bf cheating many
I find my bf cheating many tyms but he not apoloying of what he did I really luv him but I think he no long interest on me,so plz hly
Hi Mponsi,
Hi Mponisi,
sorry to are experiencing this. You need to make up your mind. It seems that he is unlikely to change. So you can either stay and accept his behavior, or you start thinking about what you want in a relationship. and see if you can either change yours or take the necessary actions. Good luck!