Cheating: top five facts
Jeppe Schilders

Cheating: top five facts

If you find out your partner has been cheating on you, it can feel like your whole world has collapsed. Here are top 5 facts about cheating and infidelity:

  1. Does kissing count?

    Most people who are in a relationship assume that both sides will be completely faithful to one another, just like in a marriage. But sometimes people cheat – and that can lead to a big crisis in a relationship.

    Whether it’s kissing another person, a one-night stand or a long-term love affair, infidelity usually really hurts the person you’re in a relationship with. For some, even becoming too attached emotionally to someone else feels like being unfaithful – they see it as ‘emotional cheating’.

  2. The end of the relationship?

    Although cheating on your partner is so often so painful for them, it happens more than you might think. For example, 34 per cent of men and 19 per cent of women in the USA say they’ve been unfaithful to their spouses at some point. But the fact that it’s common doesn’t mean it’s not a risk for your relationship. In fact, cheating doubles the chances of divorce, a study found.

    But some relationships survive even if one partner has cheated on the other. You might agree that even though one person has made a mistake, you value your relationship enough to stay together. But even then, don’t expect things to be back to normal straight away. It takes time to build up trust again.

  3. Reasons for cheating 

    There are lots of different reasons why people cheat. They might be unhappy in their relationship or unsatisfied with the sex. But some studies claim that wanting to cheat can also have genetic reasons. People with a certain ‘cheating gene’ variant are more likely to have casual sex and one-night stands – and to cheat on their partners.

    Some sexperts even claim that the entire idea of being faithful to your partner all the time is absurd and like a ‘sexual jail’. After all, they say statistically for human beings cheating is more the exception than the rule, and monogamy is a myth.

    But of course, there’s no need to follow through on the impulse to be unfaithful: even if all humans were genetically predisposed to cheat, it doesn’t mean they have to do it.

  4. Cheating, the internet and porn 

    So what about looking at porn while you’re in a relationship? There are different opinions about whether watching porn means cheating. Most people think it’s okay. But if you lie to your partner, feel guilty about watching porn and do it in secret, it’s probably not a good thing for your relationship.

    It’s even more complicated when it comes to online flirting and cybersex. For some, it’s totally fine to have a flirt with someone else online while you’re in a relationship. Others would consider it cheating. Again, honesty and openness are probably the most important things when dealing with this question, but it’s definitely a sensitive topic.

  5. Can you spot a cheater? 

    Clearly, to avoid heartbreak it would just be the best option to get together with someone who definitely won’t cheat on you. But is there a way to tell if someone is a cheater? Well, apparently there is … just listen to them talking!

    So how can you tell a cheater by their voice? Women with high voices and men with low voices were more likely to be unfaithful, a Canadian study found.


    What should you do if your partner cheats on you: dump them or forgive them? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Facebook.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (127)

  1. just leave her to mingle to
    just leave her to mingle to look for anew shelter

    1. Hi Kelvin,

      Hi Kelvin,
      true, but that’s a bit of a passive approach, don’t you think?

    2. can i plz meet with and we…
      can i plz meet with and we talk

      1. Hi Caldwel, what would you…

        Hi Caldwel, what would you like to talk about?

  2. Just leave him coz if u
    Just leave him coz if u forgive u`ll have high chances divorce when married

    1. Thanks for your comment,
      Thanks for your comment, Carol.

  3. Let go,he doesnt deserve ur
    Let go,he doesnt deserve ur love,haja gani ujichimbie kaburi ukiona.

    1. Thanks for your comment,
      Thanks for your comment, Alaine.

  4. Imgn nilidivorce n galfrd
    Imgn nilidivorce n galfrd bcuz she ix cheating mi.

  5. My husband has been cheating
    My husband has been cheating since n iforgave continuasly. sorryly i nolonger have feelings for him n i thnk out of the box. y shouldn’t i nt cheat?

    1. Hi Vivian,

      Hi Vivian,
      I understand where you are coming from, and it’s understandable that you want to cheat.
      But then, maybe you should first look into ways to fix your relationship? It will be very hard work, and especially your husband needs to change, but you are married to each other, after all. And if your marriage is not fixable, maybe the two of you should consider the next steps, instead of staying married, but cheating on each other, without having any feelings left for each other. It’s a difficult place to be in, but I’m sure you will be able to make the right decisions. Good luck!

  6. I will dump her for good
    I will dump her for good

    1. Hey Morris,

      Hey Morris,
      thanks for your input. Would you ever cheat on somebody?

  7. I would forgive him…..human
    I would forgive him…..human is to error

    1. Hi Brenda,

      Hi Brenda,
      very true! Where would you draw the line? When he does it more than once? We are curious!

  8. if u forgive him once he wil
    if u forgive him once he wil stil do it again…better break up..

    1. Hi Damaris,

      Hi Damaris,
      thanks for your opinion. Have you ever been in a situation like that?


    1. Pole, Joan.

      Pole, Joan.
      You need to talk to him. And see what this whole thing means to him. And once you have done that, you need to be clear with yourself. Do you think you can forgive him and trust him again? Or do you need some time to think? Or are you so shocked that your feelings are not the same anymore? Only once you have thought about this, and are a bit clearer on what you feel and what you want, you should start to draw conclusions. After all, you are the only one who can and should decide how to move forward.
      All the best, and good luck!

  10. it’s so bad when someone
    it’s so bad when someone cheats on you and yet you are so loyal to them..I feel for them. personally I can’t do such a thing and I thank God that I have never seen the aspect in my guy who we’ve been dating for two years so far…

    1. Hi Esther,

      Hi Esther,
      you are right, it is really bad. We are glad to hear that your relationship is going well though, keep it that way! Good luck!

  11. Ad forgive n lt t b th end of
    Ad forgive n lt t b th end of everything.if he cheats once,he can do it agn so really 4gv n move on.

    1. Hi Whitney,

      Hi Whitney,
      thanks for your comment.
      Could you clarify what you mean by moving on- leave the relationship, or move on with it? We are curious 🙂

  12. Actually,it’s so hurting when
    Actually,it’s so hurting when u find that your partner has been cheating on you and all this while you’ve been faithful to him not knowing what he was upto,eventhough though you still love him,give yourself time to rethink again and see if you can find space to forgive him or move on with yo’ life.

    1. Hi Loteipa,

      Hi Loteipa,
      you are absolutely right! Thanks for your comment and your insight!

  13. u mean that the men who have
    u mean that the men who have low voice are cheaters n for me i am the 1 of them xo far , bt am not yet couple

    1. Hi Steve,

      Hi Steve,
      that’s the thing about statistics. This one says you are more likely to cheat when your voice is low. That doesn’t mean that every man with a low voice will cheat. Or that men with high voices will never cheat. So don’t worry about it and the tone of your voice. Just an interesting fact 🙂

  14. I would be so hurt & its not
    I would be so hurt & its not ease to forget but would want to try and find out why they cheated then work it out with her so that same thing wont happen. Would eventually forgive them but of course taking baby steps.

    1. Hi Tinashe,

      Hi Tinashe,
      thanks a lot for your input! It sounds like a healthy approach.

  15. Wud jst 4gv Hm..nobdy is
    Wud jst 4gv Hm..nobdy is prfct!

    1. Hi Boikanyo,

      Hi Boikanyo,
      thanks for your comment.
      And how about the second, or third time- would you still forgive him?

  16. My husband cheat on me,it was
    My husband cheat on me,it was hurt so much,i forgive him but i dont trust him,,,he always tell that if i dont trust him that mean ,this relationship is over cause i cant forget wat he did so wat the use to be together

    1. Hi Loraine,

      Hi Loraine,
      so sorry to hear that. It’s difficult to learn to trust someone again. Thank you for sharing your story.

  17. hae,3months dating her,3mnth
    hae,3months dating her,3mnth in marriage but am absentee father of 1 daughter i married her wth,read a love msg b4 marriage,came across it again after marriage same man,she visited me last month n spend a whole week wd her, a read a new msg from the same man,she refused 2 stay longer here or join me wd kid told the neibour this place is boring,she left coz she was 2 work in a certain hotel in nairobi our wrk tyme table is the same 8:am to 9pm am confused coz am still providig her with daily needs with no return wt 2 do?.

    1. Hi Amos,

      Hi Amos,
      I suggest you talk to her. You are married and you need to make your lives work. So the two of you, together, need to find ways to make it work. Relationships are a lot about communication, and both of you need to do your best to get involved.
      Don’t focus on the other man. Talk to her what you can do to make her happy, and what she can do to make you happy. And then take it from there.
      Good luck!

  18. i am in a long distance
    i am in a long distance relationship with a girl. i fear she will forget about me and everything we have shared together when we were close to each other. i am just confused

    1. Hi Shaker,

      Hi Shaker,
      Distance relationships can be hard. When a partner moves to another place for an extended period of time it can put a lot of stress on the relationship. One person is off doing new experiences and the other is at home missing the person having to figured out life without the other. 

      Both are going out and doing their own actives, hanging out with other people and it can make finding the time to talk hard. Many people get jealous because they do not always know what the other person is doing or seeing while they are apart.
      The most important thing is good communication and some clear rules, like saying you will call each other every other day. Give it a try!

  19. he impregenated a close
    he impregenated a close friend of mine n i calld it over !

    1. Good for you, Ekra! You
      Good for you, Ekra! You deserve better than that!

  20. I will not 4give her coz if i
    I will not 4give her coz if i forgive atarudia na kusema hiko nini si atanisameha tu.

    1. It’s probably better this way
      It’s probably better this way, Evans!

  21. Is it true that masturbation
    Is it true that masturbation is also a way of cheating on them?

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      no, not necessarily. Of course, it really depends on your perceptions, both yours and your partners. Those are things you need to discuss in a relationship. So we can’t really tell you- you need to make up your own mind!

  22. Hey is almost one year i’v
    Hey is almost one year i’v been chasing this girl nd is playing me hard to get so i would like to know how can i make this woman come around. She’s also interested on i think but is only time that matters and her games

    1. Hi Itu,

      Hi Itu,
      if she has been playing games for this long, she is either not interested, or she is scared of something, or she is just playing you for the fun of it. Talk to her. Tell her you are tired of it, and it’s up to her to decide: does she want you or not? And if she says no, I would strongly advise you to accept that.

  23. my husband was a cheater we
    my husband was a cheater we divorced n after 4 yrs he asked me 2 4give n i accepted him back bt i cannt 4get wat he did n sme times i feel like running away to a far place

    1. Hi Shasha,

      Hi Shasha,
      forgiving is easier than forgetting. You need to talk to your husband about your feelings, and come to a solution together. Maybe he can be more open about what he does and share more with you! Good luck!

  24. My gal is in form 4 but she
    My gal is in form 4 but she has declined to talk to me since august.she has been acting strange arguing that she d oes not want her godparent see her talking to me.Do i leave her or do we get a dialogue.i think she got sm 1.advice

    1. Hi Elisam,

      Hi Elisam,
      it’s always best to try to talk about these things. If she wants out of the relationship, okay. But she does owe you an explanation, so at least you don’t sit around waiting for her.
      Approach her and tell her you just want one talk- she owes you that much. Good luck!

  25. Ave neva cheated bt i suspect
    Ave neva cheated bt i suspect she is doing so,hw cn i find coz my marriage is abt 2 brek.

    1. Hi Tonnie,

      Hi Tonnie,
      have you talked to your wife about this? If not, I suggest you do so. Non-judgmental and gently. Ask if there is anything in your marriage that she is missing. Anything she is unhappy with. It won’t be easy to figure out what’s going on, but you should try! Good luck!

  26. Don know wat to say coz its
    Don know wat to say coz its just so bitter…..But i cud just mov out of the r/ship n take some silent moment wit my inner self on wat to do….

    1. That actually sounds like a
      That actually sounds like a good idea, Margaret. Good luck!

  27. If He Confence,al Jxt 4gve Hm
    If He Confence,al Jxt 4gve Hm N Pray Hrd 2 God If Hez Ma Feature Patner God 2 Preserve Hm 4 Me.Coz Wat I Blv Prayerz R Rly Needed Kwa Rlationxhpx N I Knw It Wrkx Alot.

    1. Thanks for sharing this,
      Thanks for sharing this, Nimmoh!

  28. my past luv used to cheat n i
    my past luv used to cheat n i forgave bt he kept on doing it n saying he is sorry, got tired n dumped him, he now wants me back but cant forget what he did…..i moved on but the problem with him is he keeps on giving my number to his friends to see if i will fall for them bt i have never are there possibilties that he is cheating?????

    1. Hi Lynn,

      Hi Lynn,
      only he will know. The problem with cheating in the past is that you might never be able to trust him fully again.
      So think about what you want from a relationship, and if you can get this from a relationship with your ex. Take some time to make the decision. And follow your heart.

  29. Trust is lyk a virginity once
    Trust is lyk a virginity once u loose ucant get it back…..U wil 4give bt wil nev 4get en kaa aliido first tym atawai wacha…either u move out or 2kuwe unfaithful sote

    1. That’s a nice metaphor, Beth!
      That’s a nice metaphor, Beth!

  30. my wife is always not willing
    my wife is always not willing to get down she says she doesn’t feel like. ..could she be cheating on me?

    1. Hi Jo,

      Hi Jo,
      have you asked her if she enjoys sex and is getting everything she wants out of it?

  31. i lv my girl friend one day i
    i lv my girl friend one day i caught her with a guy but i forgave of my friend saw her with guy then told me about her but i did not ask after some days she kept quit she felt quilty all over sudden she started texting me telling how am important in her life.because i lv her i forgave her ama amenikalia chapati pliz help.

    1. Hi Kevin,

      Hi Kevin,
      you need to make up your mind- do you want her or do you always remember what happened?

  32. I’ll Never do it again cz
    I’ll Never do it again cz 1nce a thief olweiz a thief.i 4gev hr bt it nevr went lng b4 she mesd up again.jst kol it off.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  33. we’ve been together for 4yrs
    we’ve been together for 4yrs,but he has a 1yr child with his ex.during this time we were together I never cheated on him,he claims she trapped him and at that time he said he wasn’t sure if the child is his,but now he loves the child to death and post pics all over pains me a lot,he asks for forgiveness and says am the one he loves .am hurt coz I love him so much but I can’t seem to forgive I can’t so hurt.

    1. Leon,

      firstly, don’t blame the child. He is supposed to love the child, and that’s a good thing.
      Secondly, of course it’s completely understandable that you feel insecure and hurt. And you are not supposed to forget. But you can try to forgive. It will not be easy, but do give it a try. Good luck!

  34. lk nw my man hv been cheatng
    lk nw my man hv been cheatng on me if i ask him he doesnt tlk he kps quaet…nw 2dy hv jxt tld him ave given him time the dy he wil get tired of all thoze games he wil cal me nw am ending to mbs living him at eldoret

    1. Hey there,

      Hey there,
      how do you know he is cheating on you?

  35. wev bin tgther fo 2yrs nw en
    wev bin tgther fo 2yrs nw en i feel insecure bcoz she alwys claims to b buzzy thur she dasnt hav tym fo mi… can she b cheatin on mi?? or she’s lost intrst???

    1. Hi Pupplet,

      Hi Pupplet,
      have you talked to her about this? In a good relationship, you should be able to be open and honest. Give it a try!

  36. I wll forgiv har coz kufanya
    I wll forgiv har coz kufanya koxa xi koxa lbda akirudia mara kwa mara ndio i wll take th nxt xtep…

  37. I have been in a
    I have been in a realationship bt the man am dating doest give back much. Like he calls once a day mostly midnyt and the fact is He finish work at four and when in our fresh moment he used to communicate well he has totally change.should i leave???? Coz its distant realationship

    1. More,

      have you talked to him about this? Have you explained to him what bothers you, and why?
      You need to make him understand that he needs to be involved more if he wants to keep you.

  38. Been in the same state. God!
    Been in the same state. God! Am fighting it bt its kinda eating me up!

    1. So sorry Emy! Give yourself
      So sorry Emy! Give yourself time to grieve and heal.

  39. the right thing to do just
    the right thing to do just move on with your life he will realise his/her mistak

    1. Thanks for your comment, Ruth
      Thanks for your comment, Ruth.

  40. I have been in a relationship
    I have been in a relationship for 4 good years bt later nikaja kujua my boy is cheating me……so what can I do??

    1. Nzayz,

      have you tried talking to him about it?

  41. first i would have a talk
    first i would have a talk with her, solve the problem and come up with a conclusion. the we forgive each other and if its happens again then we part our wats

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Bonface!

  42. I hav grown a part frm alady
    I hav grown a part frm alady after I found dat she was cheating on me for 3yrs no matter da situation she left me bt i had no any ada option ada dan lukin for a better person

    1. Good luck with your search!
      Good luck with your search! We hope you find someone who won’t cheat on you this time, and that you will be able to trust her!

  43. how leave them freely my
    how leave them freely my friends.

  44. Hi,


    I have this girl i have been dating for quite sometime now and ever since we started dating she has been taking birth control needle’s (preventing) but she does not want to sleep with me, she’s says she’s too scared to sleep with me because I will run away from her so what else could she be preventing for because she tells me there are another reason’s she doing that but she won’t tell me??? Could she be cheating??

    1. I think she is genuinely
      I think she is genuinely scared. Have you asked her what you can do to make her feel more secure?

  45. Have been in this rlationship
    Have been in this rlationship for 8months but it seems this guy is suspecting me of cheating and Love him so much……wat shld I do to convince him that he is the only man in my life….????

    1. Try and talk to him about the
      Try and talk to him about the matter its not good being in a relationship full of doubts it creates fear and instability. You need to settle your mind by talking to him at least he’ll open up why he doubts you.

      1. Thank you for giving your
        Thank you for giving your input and support.

    2. Hi Grace, you need to talk to
      Hi Grace, you need to talk to him and find out the source of his insecurity so that you can deal with the problem. But sometimes the problem is with them and not you. All the best.

  46. I have been in a relationship
    I have been in a relationship for 6 months & the guy was cheating with me & all along there was no sign of a girlfriend n he used to call & suspect me as if i was cheating.i just found out & what’s painful I’m pregnant

  47. I have this girl who really
    I have this girl who really loved me at first but lately she has showed a lot of no interest .I have asked her if she still love me and she says she does but I doubt planning to leave her …should I …? Pliz help

    1. Hi Lucus,

      Hi Lucus,

      That is a difficult question to answer. And to be honest the only person who can make that decision is you. So take time and think about it then decide.

  48. i have this huy that i love
    i have this huy that i love so much.infact we have a baby together.i came to realise he flirts with a certain girl even if that girl is kinda not interested with him.she has even once blocked him bt i dont know how they came to communicate.i saw all that in their conversation.the lady sometimes even borrows some money from him bt its like he is asking for sexual favours from wat should i do?

    1. Hi Lilian,

      Hi Lilian,

      Have you confronted him about it? It looks like he is making a deliberate effort to cheat on you. Its u to you to decide what you want to do about that. Its not easy but you can do it.

  49. Av bin in relationship for
    Av bin in relationship for long & the guy cheated more than 5 tyms even with a bar maid. We broke up last month I feel relief but hurt advice

  50. I cheat to my wyf once n now
    I cheat to my wyf once n now is 4 month ago n we are not together bt i real luv her n i want her back to me plse help me…i did’t sleep with anyone outside my marrige…i lie to her only abt my personal life

    1. Hi Kinyua,

      Hi Kinyua,

      Sorry about what you are going through. But Unless you think there is something you can do to bring her back is ultimately her choice of whether she wants to give you another chance or not. .

      Keep the hope alive but also think about moving on if it never happens. All the best.

      Here is an article that can help

  51. What do u mean by women with
    What do u mean by women with high voices being cheats? How high as in?

    1. Hi Gogo its a Canadian Study
      Hi Gogo its a Canadian Study that showed women with high voices were more likely to cheat.

  52. I have this lady that I love
    I have this lady that I love so much that she has even noticed it that I love her so much. We are all students at the University. Her parents are not financially stable that she has even lost hope of finishing her course. As a caring and loving boyfriend I decided to apply for a scholarship and finally succeeded got a full one I had to divert my tuition to pay for her course. Unfortunately she has been dating a married man who is a husband to the friend. Guys help me what should I do?

    1. Finding out that your partner
      Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damange the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation or divorce. You might spend days, weeks or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened.

      But don’t blame yourself – take some time to calm down and think about your relationship.

      Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship? The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take.

  53. I recently saw a testimony…
    I recently saw a testimony about this spell caster, before that, i and my Husband married for 8 months but he departed from me because he fell in love with someone else, I was so hurt and depressed. so a friend suggested the idea of contacting a spell caster, which I never thought of myself. after i contacted dr.mac@yahoo. com for help. I asked him to do a love spell for me so that my Husband can come back to me, but before the spell was done, I was a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back to me. Only 3 days after the spell was actually cast, my Husband returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. He doesn’t cheat on me. Also, I feel no heartache anymore For that reason I will never forget the good Dr Mack did for me, there is no word to say how grateful I am, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page,
    Country: England

  54. I have dated three men and…
    I have dated three men and none of them has ever been faithful.. I nolonger trust Any man and cheating is unforgivable

    1. Hi Lydia, We are so sorry…
      Hi Lydia, We are so sorry that you have a negative experience with the men you have dated. The unfortunate truth about relationships is that not all of them will last forever. At times even when you have your best a relationship may not work. You back at what could have happened, take the lessons so you can do better in future. It is also important to take time to heal from the hurt before getting into a new relationship. Check out the following article;-

  55. I was in ta same rlshp ma x…
    I was in ta same rlshp ma x cheatd on m so many tyms bt i waitd patiently if h will change bt wapi! it forcd m to walk away.

    1. (No subject)
      Hi Mpole,

      Unfortunately sometimes a relationship will not work even when you do your best. It is important to know when to walk away.

      Love Matters Team

    1. We appreciate your…
      We appreciate your contribution.

  56. My husband is cheating on…
    My husband is cheating on seriously am fed up of him I feel I wanna let him go but we married and have a kid I feel sorry for my precious daughter to grow without a dad have tried to discuss with him but he keeps lying me ,I forgave him at first thinking that he will change but his now hooked to another person they constantly call and meet each other am confused what shud I do

    1. Hi Pauline, so sorry about…

      Hi Pauline, so sorry about this. It is time for you to make the difficult decision. You either have to accept this behavior or walk out of the relationship. While it’s challenging to raise your daughter alone, do you want to remain in the relationship even with a partner who constantly disrespects you? Also,that you are not together doesn’t mean he can’t participate in the raising of your daughter, you can agree how this works out. Take time and think about what you really want moving forward, consider the consequences of all your options both the good and the bad and then make an informed choice. We wish you well. Check out this article;-

  57. Is it ok to forgive my…
    Is it ok to forgive my husband if I found him cheating coz hez sorry but am scared it will happen again

    1. Hey Emmy, there is really no…

      Hey Emmy, there is really no way to predict the future, whether this will happen again. You however, need to take sometime and think about whether you are willing to forgive him and trust him moving forward. Relationships are built on trust, in the absence of trust it becomes challenging to be together. This is a decision only you can make, take sometime and think about the options you have and then choose the one that you are willing to live with. Check out the following article;-

  58. Basically it depends on how…
    Basically it depends on how much I love her in my heart ?.. I may never forgive

    1. Thank you for sharing.

      Thank you for sharing.

  59. My boyfriend cheated on me,…
    My boyfriend cheated on me, when I found out was bitter, wanted to quit he pleaded and I forgive him, but what I did was that I asked his reasons behind it so that I can understand him better, he said I was being too arrogant, and was scared that I might dumped him one day, so u took correction of those things, I stop being arrogant which was what I was doing, and started making him to stop being doubtful that I might go. So sometimes wen a partner cheat try to know the reason behind it, if it things u can correct them, show more love, and believe me if that person truly loves u, will regret that action and we not do it again,

    1. Dear Jessica, thank you for…

      Dear Jessica, thank you for sharing your story. We are glad it worked out for you.

  60. jxt live d guy and mov on
    jxt live d guy and mov on

    1. We appreciate your…

      We appreciate your contribution Nancy.

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships