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Are you addicted to bae? Find out!

By Harish P August 23, 06:00 am
Love is different in every relationship. But not all love is healthy. Read this article now to see if you are addicted to your partner.
Your partner is your everything

Do you want to watch a movie with friends but you are worried about who will serve dinner to your partner when they come home from the office? You cancel your plans and stay at home. This is not the first time you are doing it.

While it is true that your partner occupies a special place in your life, letting them become the sole priority is abusive to oneself as well as the other person. Becoming addicted to a single person often leads one to spiral into anxiety the moment one sees the possibility of a break-up or fight anywhere near the horizon.

Too involved

Do you often find yourself looking at your partner's phone? Asking them to stop talking to a particular person you don’t like? Have you ever asked your partner to quit a job for no reason other than you feeling threatened by a person there?

This is co-dependency. Extreme possessiveness, low self-worth, and borderline sadism may often drive people to make such unreasonable demands from their partners. It is also a form of psychological violence.

Can't say 'no'

It has been a hard day for you. You have returned from your office late and tired and want to order food from outside. Your partner walks in and asks you to get ready for a movie. You want to say ‘no’ but you are unable to do so for fear you may anger them or spoil their mood.

Saying ‘no’ causes stress to people who are dependent on others. They usually go out of their way to accommodate their partner’s demands and often sacrifice their own desires.

Lies

If you don’t like a shirt your partner is wearing, do you find yourself telling them the opposite? Instead of saying, ‘I don’t like the colour’, you pretend that it’s okay.
A person in a co-dependent relationship has trouble communicating how they feel. They are afraid to be honest with their partner for fear that they may upset them.

Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you live in fear of the other person.

Guilt trip

You are a homemaker and your partner wants to study. They ask you to take up a job so that they can focus on school. But you are unable to get a job and start blaming yourself for your partner’s failure to pursue higher studies.

It is important to remember that people in co-dependent relationships oblige to their partner's unreasonable demands. Not necessarily because of threat or intimidation. In most cases, it is out of a genuine need felt by the person to do so. This genuine need obviously stems from love and affection.

In many cases, failing to fulfil your partner’s unreasonable (and at times unethical) demands may trigger low self-worth, huge amounts of guilt and great mental trauma! The person’s own sense of conscience and confidence erodes.

Remember, a healthy relationship is about creating partnerships that are defined by mutual respect and honesty. If you think that your partner is not respecting you and not putting in the same efforts that you are putting in the relationship to make it work, talk to them.
 

Do you also depend on your partner just a tad too much? Share your experiences in the comments below or on Facebook, Love Matters Africa and Love Matters Naija.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Hi,, please I am a victim of this and I sometimes hate myself for being too possessive and addictive,,sometimes I try to control it but I end up failing,, please what do I do because my partner is even complaining about it?,,thanks

Dear Jenny. it is a good thing that you do realize that happens to you, this  is the first step toward addressing it. It is important that you realize that while you are in a relation you are individuals and may even require your own space from time to time. It is important that you constantly remind yourself not to be too possessive and more importantly to trust your partner. Remember, being too possessive can hurt your relationship and for this reason it is important to remind yourself when it it getting out of hand.

Orishaba
Thu, 12/12/2019 - 02:33 pm
Hey am also in a relationship where my boyfriend doesn't participate in anything let it be calling me he doesn't ,he doesn't even give me time to talk to him but I love him so much

Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

Bertha
Thu, 12/12/2019 - 05:18 pm
I wish i was respected enough. And I wish my boyfriend shared his problems with me other than sharing them with the others just like I do. I love him. I think I Am addicted. Almost these points were about me. Damn!

Hello Bertha, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

I don't even know if it's the distance that is making me want to talk to him more but anytime i want to be loving over the phone is always a big deal to him...... He makes me feel like I'm clingy or something..... I'm confused it's like he is scared of showing his emotions

Hi Ann, thank you so much for reaching out to us. It is understandable that you would feel like you are bugging him if he acts like you are. Most times it is because we have different ways of expressing love and another and what is an expression of love is misinterpreted.

Different people like different things. Have a conversation with your partner and try and find out what they like, what excites them, what they do not like. Once you get to know all this, you will learn their love language. Once you learn their love language and learn to speak it, everything else will fall in place.

This article has more information on the issue.

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/do-you-speak-the-right-language-when-it-comes-to-love 

 

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