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Are you addicted to bae? Find out!

By Harish P Thursday, August 23, 2018 - 06:00
Love is different in every relationship. But not all love is healthy. Read this article now to see if you are addicted to your partner.
Your partner is your everything

Do you want to watch a movie with friends but you are worried about who will serve dinner to your partner when they come home from the office? You cancel your plans and stay at home. This is not the first time you are doing it.

While it is true that your partner occupies a special place in your life, letting them become the sole priority is abusive to oneself as well as the other person. Becoming addicted to a single person often leads one to spiral into anxiety the moment one sees the possibility of a break-up or fight anywhere near the horizon.

Too involved

Do you often find yourself looking at your partner's phone? Asking them to stop talking to a particular person you don’t like? Have you ever asked your partner to quit a job for no reason other than you feeling threatened by a person there?

This is co-dependency. Extreme possessiveness, low self-worth, and borderline sadism may often drive people to make such unreasonable demands from their partners. It is also a form of psychological violence.

Can't say 'no'

It has been a hard day for you. You have returned from your office late and tired and want to order food from outside. Your partner walks in and asks you to get ready for a movie. You want to say ‘no’ but you are unable to do so for fear you may anger them or spoil their mood.

Saying ‘no’ causes stress to people who are dependent on others. They usually go out of their way to accommodate their partner’s demands and often sacrifice their own desires.

Lies

If you don’t like a shirt your partner is wearing, do you find yourself telling them the opposite? Instead of saying, ‘I don’t like the colour’, you pretend that it’s okay.
A person in a co-dependent relationship has trouble communicating how they feel. They are afraid to be honest with their partner for fear that they may upset them.

Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you live in fear of the other person.

Guilt trip

You are a homemaker and your partner wants to study. They ask you to take up a job so that they can focus on school. But you are unable to get a job and start blaming yourself for your partner’s failure to pursue higher studies.

It is important to remember that people in co-dependent relationships oblige to their partner's unreasonable demands. Not necessarily because of threat or intimidation. In most cases, it is out of a genuine need felt by the person to do so. This genuine need obviously stems from love and affection.

In many cases, failing to fulfil your partner’s unreasonable (and at times unethical) demands may trigger low self-worth, huge amounts of guilt and great mental trauma! The person’s own sense of conscience and confidence erodes.

Remember, a healthy relationship is about creating partnerships that are defined by mutual respect and honesty. If you think that your partner is not respecting you and not putting in the same efforts that you are putting in the relationship to make it work, talk to them.
 

Do you also depend on your partner just a tad too much? Share your experiences in the comments below or on Facebook, Love Matters Africa and Love Matters Naija.

Comments
My girl is dislike the habit of me charting with other girls and call each other with sweet names like sweet,love and etc. Thanks to God that she is speak out anything that take out her happiness. I'm glad that we much better together after been open to her and let her met my friends.
I wish to engage in a healthy relationship too. I feel like I have been taken for granted by my ex due to our long term relationship which made me even go against my friends and family defending him just sustain the relationship. It's so sad. I feel like I have lost everything

Hey Marie, so sorry about this. Unfortunately, not all relationships will last forever especially because you have no control over the actions of the other person. If this was an unhealthy and nothing was going to change then the only choice was to break up. This was not your fault, but now it is important that you move on. This is a process and it takes time. Give yourself time to heal and even though it may take time eventually you will be able to heal from this, move on and perhaps get into another healthy and fulfilling relationship. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up We wish you all the best.

i want to have a serious relationship,coz my past was ruined by my ex.....but coz i loved the guy so much its very difficult for me to do so please advise me and i dont love him anymore

Hey Flosie, so sorry about this. It is important that you take time and heal from the past relationship before getting into a new relationship. Remember this was not your fault, get a new hobby and do take care of care of yourself. When you feel ready, when you can think about the past without feeling sad, get out there and hopefully you meet someone and get into new fulfilling relationship.  Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

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