Dive into yourself, not into your next relationship.

Find yourself and love will find you

When you’ve seemingly tried and failed too often in relationships, there’s the sense you will never find someone. Don’t panic! Take a step back and breathe!

Broken cycle

It’s like a weight. All that love you have in your heart that you yearn to give to someone special: sometimes it feels like it weighs you down. What’s worse is that it shouldn’t feel that way; it should be uplifting and liberating. Failed relationships and broken promises coupled with the fact that almost everyone around you is getting married is starting to play on your mind. You need someone, and you need someone now.

Do you, though? Have you taken a long hard look at yourself and tried to see why you’re still the one holding onto all this affection, instead of passing it on to someone else? Most people jump from relationship to relationship without taking time to take stock. As a result, you find yourself going through the same cycles. And you know what they say about doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results…

Pick up the pieces

Time to heal is just as important as time in a relationship, maybe even more so. This is where you attend to what you have been doing wrong, where you mature and grow. This is also where you establish what all your failed loves had done to contribute to the demise of what you held so dear. It helps you establish what you should look for and what you deserve, and builds the strength and the will to not compromise.

Another advantage on focusing on yourself is that you realise there is so much more to your being that being someone’s plus one. Your family, friends, career, hobbies, dreams… All these deserve your attention. These will ultimately give you immeasurable amounts of joy, because they are situations where you are in control and in pursuit of what makes you happy. These will give you a sense of fulfilment, elation and most importantly, love. Love of other people and love of yourself, love that never destroys but always builds.

Light attracts light

Once you are comfortable in your own skin, it will show. You’ll become someone people want to be around, because you exude confidence and are fun to be around. Then something brilliant will happen: you’ll attract the right kind of person. Strong-willed, self-sufficient people are always drawn to each other. And it is known that the best wholes are made of two strong halves.

So why haven’t you found what you are looking for? It is purely because you are looking. You overlook flaws that should put you off because you are blinded by this desire to be loved and to love. Stop actively seeking what you need and live in the moment. Enjoy each moment, live every day to become a better version of yourself, and watch as your match affixes himself or herself in your life.

As a wise sage once said, ‘Flowers don’t look for bees. They bloom, and then the bees come to them.’

Have you taken time to rediscover yourself? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (16)

  1. I been in a relationship from
    I been in a relationship from one to another,never gave myself time to heal.So thank you for the advise I just got

    1. We are so glad to hear that!
      We are so glad to hear that!

  2. am in a very oppressive
    am in a very oppressive rltship n I CNT get my self out of it pliiiz help

    1. Hi,

      could you tell us a bit more about what you mean by oppressive?

  3. i brokeup with my bf one yr
    i brokeup with my bf one yr ago en i gave maself time to heal bur unfortunately i realized that i still love him en he loves mi too. but our pride cant let us express our love to each other wat should we do? plz advce mi

    1. You can try to be the
      You can try to be the stronger one and start the conversation with him, and tell him that you still love him and that you would like to get back together.

  4. I need some advice pliz want
    I need some advice pliz want to break my current status(married as a second wife BT not comfortable )how can u help me am 22yrs old and having two children

    1. Mary,

      breaking off a marriage is always difficult. It might be best to discuss this both with someone you trust and knows your situation, as well as a lawyer to discuss the legal issues.
      Good luck!

  5. hv gone through many…
    hv gone through many heartbreaks , hv given maself time to heal n currently there is this guy interested in mi n he keep insisting that he truly lovs mi n very serious am still afraid that he might hurt me like the rest am confused what shud I do pliz? I also hv a baby from the first r/ship I dont know if I shud tel him or not. pliz help

  6. Hi Ivy, You need to think…
    Hi Ivy, You need to think about whether you are ready to get into a new relationship. If you are ready and willing to get into a new relationship, you will have to be honest about your child from the previous relationship. This is something you may not be able to conceal especially if things get serious between the two of you. Try not to compare this person with you ex but also if you feel not ready do take more time to heal before starting a new one. We wish you well.

  7. av been through an odeal…
    av been through an odeal such as that. I’ve stayed alone for some good period n enjoying the most of my time. The only problem is that I’m nolonger into dating. I’m losing interest in ladies n everything I do is all about myself.
    how do I get back in the game.

  8. I have been r/sh for the…
    I have been r/sh for the past 6yrs and we wanted to start life together but due to distance he told me will come ad get married immediately but he has been avoiding me for the past 4mnths with another gal ad realized it don’t know what to do am so depressed plz help me!

  9. Hey Tony, You didn’t say…
    Hey Tony, You didn’t say what ordeal may have let to this…There is however nothing wrong with you taking care of yourself, if this is what is important for you focus on that for the moment. If there is an experience in your past that makes you feel this way, it is important you address the issues from the past before you can move on. We wish you well.

  10. Hi Prisca, We are so sorry…
    Hi Prisca, We are so sorry about this. Four months is a longtime for a person you have been together with for six years to be avoiding you. It is possible he has move on. Long distance relationships can be challenging to make work especially because of the distance between partners. If there is a way you can you need to to find out whether he is still interested in the relationships. If he no longer wants the relationship you will have to also move on even though this can difficult. Have a look at the following articles for more information;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

  11. You are most welcome Gift…

    You are most welcome Gift and we are always pleased to help. Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe.

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