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Love in the times of technology

From romantic hand-written love letters to quick Whatsapp messages: since technology has transformed the way we live our lives, love is no exception.

Times change…

Back in the day, we wrote (love) letters and called at a predetermined time (to avoid parents picking up the phone!) to make plans to meet.

These days we just text to make dates.

We even find our partners using dating apps. This would be a strange, unthinkable concept to a person trying to date in the 50’s.

Is technology changing the way we love? Not at all, says Helen Fisher from TEDsummit. She believes that technology does not matter at all: our primitive instinct to mate overrides the fear of rejection and allows that we could still find love in the long term, regardless of our ever-changing world.

… and dating changes, too

That’s good news, right? I would certainly think so. However, there are those that disagree.

Aziz Ansari, the author of Modern Romance, spent a year interviewing hundreds of people about how technology changed dating and love. He did a lot of research interviewing experts in the field as well and found that in our tech-driven world technology does indeed change the way we experience love.

‘The problem is that this search for the perfect person can generate a lot of stress,’ Ansari says. ‘Younger generations face immense pressure to find the “perfect person” that simply didn’t exist in the past when “good enough” was good enough.’

You score more quickly

On the upside, it’s a quick shortcut, these apps let you choose people based on what you have in common, your likes and dislikes, hobbies etc. Cutting the proverbial chase in half. This gives you a pretty good chance of finding the right partner.

While traditionally people went out to mingle, now we use apps to meet, and this makes the levels of distrust and stress increase exponentially.

This is probably because the tried and tested introduction method is no longer applicable. You are now putting yourself out there to meet a stranger who you may or may not like.

This can make you feel vulnerable.

Vulnerable

You will get solicited a few times by a few unscrupulous people who are using the app for the wrong reasons. But you can usually tell from the language the person on the other end of the screen uses whether they are a good match or not. There’s a person behind each profile and the only way to figure out if they are right for you is to get out of your comfort zone and go on a date with them.

Technology has changed the way we interact; what worked for a previous generation doesn’t have to work for the next one. The new tools we have enable us to reach out more but often people use technology to create larger than life profiles.

The trick is to not be afraid. When you find your match go out and meet them, interacting in person will give you a good idea of whether they are the right choice.

It’s true that dating isn’t easy in times of tech, but neither was it before. It is important to remember that the person you are talking to has the same goal as you, to find a partner.

Do you have tips or thoughts when it comes to dating in tech-times? Share your experience with us below or on Facebook.