Don’t sweat over asking someone out
Dating is tough! The ‘will you be my one and only,’ isn’t easy to ask. But don’t have a panic attack about being single or trying anxiously to snag a date.
‘To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads’ – Foxy Brown
I was a serial monogamist for the better part of the last decade, and for the first time in many years, I found myself single again. I understand that asking someone out often feels like setting off into the desert with no map. You have no idea what’s going to happen.
More often than not your brain will jump to the worst scenario possible. Sure, you might get rejected, but asking for an almost stranger’s number (then indulging in week-long text-based foreplay) seems low-risk to me when compared to other terrifying things we could encounter. If someone said ‘no’ to me, I’d go home, feel a little vulnerable and hurt for a bit and then eat cake in bed.
Make a move
Personally, I’m not a fan of circling around someone like a shark because you’re too scared to make a move. A friend of mine’s been tiptoeing around a guy for the last two weeks, but the amount I hear about whether she should make the first move or not makes it seem like it’s been going on for months.
You could be painfully direct and say something like: ‘Hey, I like your face and I want to put it on mine,’ but that requires a certain amount of self-confidence…or a death wish. Funnily enough, the ‘face-on-face’ is how I figured out my first boyfriend and I were dating. However, this only works when you’re a teenager and think someone knocking their teeth against yours on a football field is romantic.
Conversation starters
In almost any scenario: ‘Hi’ is pretty much the only opener you need.
If you’re past saying ‘hi’ just make up something to ask them about, let’s say, something they’re wearing, ‘Your sneakers are amazing! Where did you get them!’
Or about what they’re reading – I’m mentioning this because someone tried this on me once, and an hour later he admitted that he didn’t read at all.
Offer to buy them a drink, I can vouch that this one works very, very well. Anything halfway legitimate that’ll start up a conversation that might lead to an exchange of numbers; or a potential date.
It’s seriously that easy: Put yourself out there, strike up a conversation with a stranger (or someone you’ve had your eye on for while) tell them they’re attractive; it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. If it doesn’t work out, there is no stigma that comes with being single – and there is always cake.
Related: 9 Helpful Tips To Talk To Someone You Like
Have you ever been nervous about asking someone out? Our discussion board moderators are here to help you in case you need it.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (20)
But does true love exist any…
But does true love exist any more? People tell you they love you but when you give them a chance they break your heart.
Hey Sarah, yes true love…
Hey Sarah, yes true love does exist. It is unfortunate however, that not all relationships will last forever. But because one relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean that your next relationship will not work. It is important to take sometime and heal from the break up before getting into a new relationship. Have a look at the following articles;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/does-true-love-still-exist
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
Yes there is true love.just…
Yes there is true love.just that some men and women does not understand them self Better in a relationship that all I can say about this
Thank you for your views…
Thank you for your views Sammy.
Yeah to
Yeah to
Hi Imani,
Thank you for…
Hi Imani,
Thank you for visiting Love Matters. Do you have a question? This is a safe space so feel free to ask any question you may have or give your opinion.
It exist dear i myself finds…
It exist dear i myself finds it difficult to get to someone i will love with my heart but it seems I haven’t gotten the right person
I think it exists.but its…
I think it exists.but its lke a ghost which many talk about but few have seen
Thank you Kingmach for your…
Thank you Kingmach for your contribution.
I need a true friend
I need a true friend
Hello Augustine, sorry to…
Hello Augustine, sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself.
Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up.
Best of luck.
<3 The Love Matters Team
Like me
Like me
I want love girl
I want love girl
Hello Wahib, thank you for…
Hello Wahib, thank you for getting in touch, how can we help you?
Y are some girls after money
Y are some girls after money
Hi Emmy, thank you for your…
Hi Emmy, thank you for your question. Truth is people like things and a lot of people have identified that money is a means to an end.
You love a girl but dont knw…
You love a girl but dont knw how to talk to her because u haven’t done it for the first time. pls teach me how to put the words to the girl
Hello Prince Paul Ogbonnaya,…
Hello Prince Paul Ogbonnaya,
Reaching out to people that you are attracted to can be difficult because of the fear of being rejected. However, they are no different than how would approach a friend, family or other person. The initial hello and coming up with small talk is the same idea except the person is front of you is attractive.
The best way to do this when you are nervous is to talk to people who share interest. Do they go to school with you? Are they working? Did you meet them at the movies? This way there is already a commonality between you an it gives you the first conversation topic. Find other people who like what you like and try to mingle from there.
Otherwise, just be honest. Tell them who you are, why you approached the (they said something smart, they like the same team, you find them beautiful etc) and then build the conversation from there. Tell them about yourself, and ask questions about them. You are attracted to them and ideally as you learn more about them you will become interested in them.
Everyone has nerves and the girls know that. They will be flattered that you even tried to reach out and talk.
We will be sending you positive thoughts, and feel free to ask any other questions as they arise and Happy Easter to you!
<3 The Love Matters Team
I need sumbutty so much like…
I need sumbutty so much like to try me out with this
Thank you for your feedback…
Thank you for your feedback Jessie. Why don’t you go ahead and try instead of waiting for someone to try it on you?