ask shangazi caricature
Emanuele del Rosso

My fiancé wants me to get an HIV test

‘I am getting married. My fiancé has asked me to get tested for HIV. He says everyone should get it done before marriage, even virgins. I am shocked.’

What are you shocked about, my sister? That your fiancé is asking you to get tested for HIV, or that he may think you are not a virgin?

An act of entrapment

Do you feel he is trying to trap you? I can hear him thinking for you. If you say yes to the test, you have nothing to fear or lose. If you say no, he will think you must’ve had sex before marriage and got something to hide.

I don’t blame people for such poor thinking and attitude. I tell you, your Shangazi has seen all kinds this past year. But this is hardly the route one should take.

So simply put – it’s easy advice. Let’s be safe. In a sense, you may say he is trying to establish his trust over you. He isn’t asking you if your hymen is intact, is he? Let me tell you, many others ask that, too.

Progressive thinking

What’s freaking you out so much, dada yangu? Your fiancé asking you to get tested for HIV? You must be thinking that’s a very non-traditional thing to do, right? Yes, it may be. But progressive, too.

You should happy. The man you are marrying is brave and bold.

He is asking for a proof of good health and safety; not your virginity. What’s so wrong with that?

It’s a great idea to get tested, together. You should know the score on him, too.

To me, it looks like the man is confident – to ask you and to break the traditional mindset. Am I not right?

Heavy baggage

You see, HIV/AIDS testing comes with a lot of emotional baggage. Getting a test done can mean a lot of things. Let’s say you have been sexually active before marriage. There’s no harm in that, as long as one is bringing the tiny lightweight champion along – the condom.  

One of the most common routes to transmit infections or diseases is through sexual contact. We all know that and hence talking about HIV is talking about your sex life. But the good news is, it’s not being forced on you or on anybody, is it?

As of now, it is just a suggestion. That is always charming, isn’t it? Your fiancé is not holding a gun to your head.

Voluntary vs. Mandatory

We all have the right to detest anything that is forced upon us, don’t we? If I ask you to drink Stoney when you like Coke, you won’t like my attitude, will you? If I make you eat vegetarian food when you wake up to bacon beckoning, you will be unhappy, isn’t it?

So as long as your fiancé’s idea is just a voluntary suggestion – maybe you will consider it. If it comes back with a double delight – test for you and me, then that’s even better.

Like I said earlier, HIV testing is not a character validation certificate but a suggestion for safety and good health.

Testing for HIV/AIDS is a good idea as long as it’s voluntary and not mandatory. It’s worth a thought and a shot, isn’t it?

Have you ever been tested for HIV? Share your thoughts in comments or write to us on Facebook. If you have a question or a doubt, please visit our discussion forum.

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Recent Comments (11)

  1. Iam A Hiv Negative , So I Beg
    Iam A Hiv Negative , So I Beg U To Be Married By Me

  2. My advice is that one should…
    My advice is that one should suspect everyone including yourself to be HIV +ve until proven by blood tests.

    1. Hey Walter, getting an HIV…

      Hey Walter, getting an HIV test is important especially when one is getting into a new relationship.

  3. Its important to be tested…
    Its important to be tested especiallly when you start a new relationship so that you may know each other

    1. Thank you, we appreciate…

      Thank you, we appreciate your contribution.

  4. Hey,And how can someone…
    Hey,And how can someone handle it wen one partner tests positive en the other negative?

    1. Hey Jully, it is important…

      Hey Jully, it is important to protect the HIV negative partner from the risk of getting infected. At the same time, the HIV positive partner should also seek treatment and further advice from a HIV clinic. The HIV negative partner can also take Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis which is treatment that helps to protect them from getting infected if they have unprotected sex with the HIV positive partner. The HIV positive partner also needs to take Antiretroviral treatment which also helps to reduce the chances of them passing the virus to their partner. Partners who have different HIV status can still have healthy relationship while protecting each other. Have a look at the following articles for more information;-

  5. HIV is not only transmitted…
    HIV is not only transmitted through sex hence even virgins can have it. Google more for modes of HIV transmission

    1. Hey Emy, thank you for you…

      Hey Emy, thank you for you for your contribution. HIV is spread by both sexual and non-sexual activities. Sexual activities include having unprotected oral, vaginal and anal sex. Unprotected anal and vaginal sex carry much higher risks of HIV infection than unprotected oral sex. Non-sexual activities include sharing of unsterilized hypodermic needles, receiving infected blood through transfusions, and breastfeeding. HIV can also be spread during childbirth from an infected mother to her baby.

  6. For me, I have asked him to…
    For me, I have asked him to join me in a clinic and get tested but he is so mad at me.. We have had raw sex before and as far as I can remember I went on my own to go tested and the good thing is that I don’t have aids. What should I do? Let him be and continue like nothing happened? I need help

  7. Hi Melisa, thank you for…

    Hi Melisa, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. Is he mad at you because you went for the test alone? Why is he mad at you if you do not have aids? Is he worried that he might have it? Please clarify exactly what it is that happened.

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