touching hands with wedding rings

Eloping

Some couples also elope to get married – that means they go off together and get married in secret.

People elope for a lot of different reasons. In the West, more and more couples are eloping to avoid the big drama around weddings. Couples that prefer a quiet ceremony over a big wedding party choose to register their marriage without much hullabaloo. They then break the news to their parents and family.

In some cultures, couples elope because their parents or families strongly oppose their marriage on grounds of religion or tribe. Imagine this: you’re in love with someone and are sure of wanting to marry them, but your parents won’t allow the marriage because your partner is from a different background. You’ve tried negotiating with your family, but it isn’t working out. So you might feel like eloping with your partner and having a secret wedding is the only way out.

The section is titled ‘how to elope’, but before you decide to elope, ask yourself a few serious questions.

  • Am I really up for it?
  • What are the risks involved?
  • Will I be financially secure if my family cuts me off?
  • Do I fully trust the person I plan to elope with?
  • Am I marrying out of love or something else?
  • Am I doing this because I am facing pressure from my partner?

Tread with caution

Understanding the consequences of eloping and the risks involved will help you to make an informed decision. While some couples can do without their family’s support, others can’t.

If you think you will be able to win over your family or community once you have tied the knot, that could be true – but it could just be wishful thinking.

Some couples who elope are eventually accepted by their families. But others are disowned and never get to come back into their own or their marital family for years and years – for weddings, births, or funerals, or even if the whole family emigrates.

So we’d advise you to always tread with caution. If in doubt, ask for help:

One2One Hotline: 1190 (free from any Safaricom line)

Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614

Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438*


*We currently list Kenyan help only. This will change in the future.

Did you learn something new?

Comments

Hello Franklin, 

Sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself.

Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up.

Best of luck.

<3 The Love Matters Team 

Sir, I am suffering from so many years.. I have a big problem.. present I am in love with a girl.. she completed her post graduation recently. Me too..but we both are belongs to same surnames.. we told to our parents.. but they opposed me and strictly rejected..but I can't live without her..she belongs to my second generation from my father side..pls give me a solution.. incase if we elope from home..

Hey Raj, this must be a difficult time for you and your partner. Some cultures are opposed to marriages between persons who are blood related meaning they belong in the same clan or extended family and this is perhaps the reason your parents are opposed to your relationship. In some cultures however marriages between cousins are encouraged. If this is the case there is no way to tell if they will change their mind if they discover you already got married particularly if this is culture issues for them. If you are both considering eloping, it is important for you to way the consequences of this decision carefully especially if your families choose to cut you off completely following this decision. Weigh the consequences and then make an informed choice. Remember, whichever choice you take there will be serious consequences, think about the consequences you are willing to live with and then make a decision.

Me and my girlfriend are planning to wed, my family are catholic, my girlfriend is pentecostal with a moslem background .my family are so opposed to any partner who is not catholic unless they are willing to convert. we are not willing to convert and we want to wed in the pentecostal church, what should we do?

Hey Tim, religion is one of the things that can lead to deep disagreements in a relationship and families involved. Now that you plan to have the wedding at a pentecostal church, does this mean you converted to a pentecostal? If this is the case you may want to let your parents know this so that it is clear to them that this is a choice you have made, you are now a pentecostal. You can also consider having a close relative or family friend who your parents respect to help them be more accepting of your choice. You will both need to be patient with your parents. Lastly, you need to begin thinking about what options you will have should they remain firm on their opposition of your non-catholic partner. We wish you well. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/marriage/thinking-about-marriage/family-disagreements

Sheilah
Thu, 05/31/2018 - 05:52 pm
Please help Love Matters, my partner wa ts us to elope and move to another city since his family is against our marriage. We are from different tribes is this the way to start new life together. I feel like I will never settle if we do it this way.

Hello Sheilah, Eloping is big decision and you need to take time and think about whether you want to do this and whether you are ready for the consequences of eloping. It is possible both families will not be happy about this decision, and you need to decide whether this is how you do want to start your a marriage. Have you and your partner tried to resolve the issues the parents have or even sort support of a family member or friend that the parents are likely to listen to? Talk with your partner about your feelings and then try out other options before settling on eloping to avoid the family concerns. Check out this article on communication;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

Doreen
Fri, 12/07/2018 - 12:21 pm
I come from a single parent home. I have been dating a man from another country and I was plannimg to introduce him to my mother. But after I was done telling her about him she vowed not to allow me to marry this man because of where he comes from. I am Kenyan and he's from a west African country. I am confused because I really love this man and he loves me too but I also don't want to disappoint my mother as her only daughter. I have considered eloping but the guy is not for the idea, what do I do?

Hi Doreen, I imagine this is frustrating for you and your partner. Did your mother tell you exactly why he is opposed to you marrying this man? Getting to know exactly what her reasons are will help you to address her concerns. Also, you can consider having a close relative or family friend talk to you mom on your behalf. Hopefully, with support you can alleviate her concerns and even plan to have her meet him. We wish you well. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/marriage/thinking-about-marriage/family-disagreements

Av been dating a lady for about 18 months and we have had our ups n downs.we have a gud careers in the bank sector. recently i discovered she has been living in her former boyfriend house that he had bought but he moved out 2018 and settled with a other lady and they have a child together. This i found out when i confronted the issue we find a house so she can move in coz she was pg for 2nd time and hoped it will be to term.We have unsuccesfully tried for a baby but she gets a miscarriage on or before 4 months This second time she miscarried at 3months 2 weeks. all along i knew she had rented the place cz av been there and even spent a night. we argued alot due to that and i felt cheated.even the xboyfrend later called me and we met in town and told me they broke up coz she cant bear him a child and thts y they broke up and that i shud get her a house coz he is moving in with his new woman this month. Kindly advice..(she is in the group in fb so i cant post there)

Hello Sammm, thank you so much for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time and we understand that the situation could be quite frustrating.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

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