Illustration of sexpert Chris Hart
E. del Rosso

Married and happily cheating?

Can a married woman fall in love with a married man and then have sex secretly and happily for the rest of their lives?

It’s not easy, but some do. Most often because they’re both unhappy in their marriages and yet feel they can’t leave.

Usually, the illicit sex is only really enjoyable because it’s forbidden, and starts to become boring as all the excitement wears off. So everything comes to an end. But some lovers become very happy together, and do manage to keep their relationship a complete and total secret for a lifetime.

More often their affair isn’t actually a secret, though the lovers may go on telling themselves that it is. Because their spouses have figured it all out. But have decided to ‘turn a blind eye.’

Usually, that happens when both people in the marriages are unhappy, and the wronged spouses are happy to have a little time to themselves while the lovers are meeting.

And so they collude with their partners’ ‘secret’ meetings, thinking privately how nice it is that they can now also go out for the evening.

Sometimes things can get really complicated. Like the ‘wronged’ spouses starting an affair themselves. Maybe with others, but more often with each other. And when something like that goes well, it stabilises the original affair.

Everyone’s completely aware of what’s going on and happy about it. Or at least keeping quiet.

Sometimes children are born as a result of these stable affairs. And still, everyone keeps up the pretence – even when it’s quite obvious from the children’s appearance who the real fathers are!

As the children grow older it can be hugely amusing to hear them talking about it all. Because they inevitably figure everything out – and almost always go along with it. Talking openly about everything among themselves, while ‘toeing the party line’ with the adults!

More often than not the key to this sort of situation is that none of the adults know about their partner’s affair ‘officially.’

Because it’s one thing to tolerate a partner’s affair when it’s conducted discretely. But if friends or family start tut-tutting in public, then suddenly the wronged spouses feel they have to be outraged. And so everything comes out into the open and there’s a spectacular set of divorces.

Unfortunately, that’s very often the way things work out. Because keeping secrets is difficult. So it’s always better to ask why you’re unhappy in your marriage and fix it if at all possible.
And if it really isn’t, to calmly and considerately separate.


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Recent Comments (26)

  1. This is because wen we got…
    This is because wen we got married we didnt known each other well after stayed for some tym you start boring each other making me look for love somwhere else.I

    1. Thank you for sharing Ruth,…
      Thank you for sharing Ruth, however there is no guarantee that what one starts with another person will last forever. It is therefore important to find out what led to this and try find a solution. If you can’t find a solution maybe then breaking up would be the right thing to do so that you don’t end up hurting each other. Secrets do come out.

  2. I think it depends because…
    I think it depends because some women they think if aman put aring on her fingure its done but in most cases we treat our men as if their nothing to us

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Maria.

  3. Butits not madicen to have…
    Butits not madicen to have sex out side marriage .bcz oneday u can be met in that action .and look so fullish

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Kato.

  4. Marriages only last through…
    Marriages only last through the Divine Grace of God, otherwise many many couples ends up with regrets. There are those who keep it within themselves and there area those who are unable to hold it

    1. Thank you Pat for your…
      Thank you Pat for your thoughts.

  5. What I could urge men and…
    What I could urge men and women preparing for marriage, ask for God’s intervention otherwise your partner is not your brother or your sister

  6. Cheating can never be…
    Cheating can never be forever,at some point you ll get caught and it can ruin both of the relationship, I prefer to end my previous relationship if am.not happy before starting a new one

    1. We appreciate your thoughts…
      We appreciate your thoughts Ann.

  7. Marriage bed should be kept…
    Marriage bed should be kept pure.

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Anthony.

  8. What type of a man am I, coz…
    What type of a man am I, coz I wont give a second chance to my wife if I caught her cheating. Even if I keep her, I’ll hate her every morning I wake up. Thats why I’d just let her go. My emotions are abnormaly strong, smetime they hurt. I love with every muscle of my heart. If U dare cheat on me…..

    1. Hey Peter, It is a good…
      Hey Peter, It is a good thing that you know what you can take and what you can’t handle. There is nothing wrong wrong with you, this is just who you are. Cheating is about betrayal, breaking of another persons trust and this is why it hurts like it does. Whether one chooses to break up or forgive, it gets better with time.

  9. Ideally,thereis nothing good…
    Ideally,thereis nothing good in adultery. Better to quit the partnership if u can’t resolve the problem.

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Willy.

  10. It’s good to quit if the…
    It’s good to quit if the problem can’t be resolved instead of cheating

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Willy.

  11. It depends on how you treat…
    It depends on how you treat each other that’s how good you take care of him .Men need to be handled like a an egg so delicate if not well handled.

    1. Thank you Cathy, we…

      Thank you Cathy, we appreciate your thoughts.

  12. We know the devil fights…
    We know the devil fights marriages, i wonder why most men look for wedded ladies. We need God’s intervation to make the world better.

    1. Hi Justine, we appreciate…

      Hi Justine, we appreciate your contribution. Men and women should also make a decision to remain faithful to their committed relationships. 

  13. What if there is denial of…
    What if there is denial of conjugal rights from a man who constantly accuses the hard working sole provider wife of cheating?

    1. Hey Ronnie, this can be…

      Hey Ronnie, this can be tough on a relationship. It is important that you take time and talk about where this is coming from or what is causing this suspicion. This will help you both to find out the root cause of the suspicion and to address it. This can be a difficult conversation to have but try find a good time to have it, reassure your partner about your commitment to the relationship to address any insecurities he may have. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

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