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Are you husband material?

A husband material should pay bills, kill a lion, pay $5000 dowry, have a beard, never cry, love football, know how to slaughter a squirrel, blah blah blah …

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? I bet you do.

Chances are that you are confused because we are always focusing on ‘wife material’ and not the other gender.

In many conversations, you will mostly hear the phrase ‘wife material’ thrown around casually. People will say that a wife material is this or that. Funny enough, we never hear people talk about a husband material.

You see, it is quite unfair to categorize people with some random form of a checklist. Just because someone dresses more like Tomboy and doesn’t want kids is automatically not wife material.

Who comes up with these rules? Who is to say what a husband material is? Or more pertinently, what a wife material is?

The thing is that in relationships, there is no perfect partner, you may have a list of non-negotiables such as values that you are looking for, this is totally okay. Just don’t refer to the checklists created to brand someone is husband or wife material.

So, whenever I hear someone get dismissed because apparently, he is not husband material since he never wears suits, or has a beard, or kills bears, I laugh my ass off. Or the wife who is not considered wife material because she does not want to have kids.

How to be a husband material

It’s very simple—there is no right way to be husband material.

But what has worked for me is being the right person. Everyone keeps looking for the right partner, but no one ever considers if they are the right partner.

I’ve always believed in fairy tales, but in real life, it isn’t always as easy to find your Prince Charming. You may have to go through a lot of bad guys and maybe even kiss a few toads before you find ‘husband material.’

An arbitrary checklist that qualifies and disqualifies people should only be used when it’s mutually exclusive.

My mentor tells me something that I think will resonate with you: ‘When it comes to relationships, it just boils down to love and attraction and values. When you respect your partner and love them, even when you’re angry you check up on them. When you consider their needs as much as yours and are ready to put in the work to make the relationship work. That’s marriage material.’

Now What?

So, the next time someone asks you if you are husband material, or a wife material take it with a pinch of salt. Maybe the more urgent and important question should be, am I the right partner?