Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Am I HIV-positive?

I have been dating a girl for three months and recently found out that she is HIV-positive. I have seen the signs on my body. Am I infected?

We only had sex twice but without protection. What should I do? And how can I tell my wife? Please help, I am confused.

Scary moments

Pole sana, you must be terrified. Most people who have active sex lives have endured a similar moment of terror. Perhaps you hear that a former lover died of an undetermined illness, or you get a weird rash or you are simply sitting in the VCT waiting for your test to declare that you are HIV-negative.

Knowing that the last person you had sex with is HIV-positive does, however, put a different spin on your terror.

Visit a VCT

But before you start analysing every mole and mosquito bite on your body as a potential symptom, I suggest you visit the VCT and find out what your status is. After that first test, you must go again in 30 days to verify the results of the first test. It is going to be a long month but be patient.

Read Also: HIV: causes, symptoms, testing, & treatment

Don’t put your wife at risk

As you wait to ascertain your status, you should avoid sex with your wife entirely for her sake. If you don’t have the courage to tell her the situation, you can fake exhaustion, feign a headache, or pick a fight. But please do not put her at any more risk.

The chances of an HIV-positive woman infecting a man during vaginal intercourse are lower than those of an HIV-positive man infecting a woman during the same act. This means that if you are HIV-positive, the chances of you infecting your wife are significantly higher than the chances of your HIV-positive lover infecting you.

Be better

I hope that this HIV scare literally scares you into fidelity or at least regular condom use.

It is one thing to take risks with your own life but entirely another to play with your wife’s life.

We would all hate to see your child become one of the AIDS orphans many grandparents are struggling to feed, house and educate. The sex might have felt good for all of 10 or 20 minutes but it cannot beat watching your child grow-up.

I pray that for your sake and that of your family, you are HIV-negative and that you take this as a warning. If you are HIV-positive, please tell your wife before you infect her. The easiest way will be to show her your results from the VCT. There is life with HIV and thanks to ARVs it is not the death sentence that it once was. All the best and again pole sana.

How would you tell your partner if you are HIV-positive? If you need some more pointers or help, please visit our discussion board

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (11)

  1. I am only single mum for 8
    I am only single mum for 8 years and searching for a friend here . plese contact me Zero seven two one six twenty four six eight eight.Thanks

    1. How old are you and type of…
      How old are you and type of friend are looking for!!my phone no two two nine one eight five

      1. We appreciate your…

        We appreciate your contribution Gordon.

  2. Where to you come from…
    Where to you come from look for me’

    1. Hey, we appreciate your…
      Hey, we appreciate your contribution. Feel to ask any questions on Love, Sex, and Relationships and we shall be glad to respond to you.

  3. I am so afraid that I could…
    I am so afraid that I could have been infected. I had sex with a person who I didn’t know his status at the time. We used a condom but it broke mid way and he changes to another when he noticed. Is there a risk if he didn’t ejaculate inside me?

    1. Hey Verah, there is still a…

      Hey Verah, there is still a risk even if he didn’t ejaculate inside you. There are other bodily fluids that come before ejaculation and this also contains HIV. It is important you get an HIV test atleast 14 days from the day of this to ascertain your HIV status. You can visit a health centre where this service is provided. 

  4. Just to ask is 14days…
    Just to ask is 14days appropriate or 28days for vct after having arisk. Because if one new that he or she is at risk of contracting HIV within 72hrs test will be done then he or she will go PEP and this drug taken for 28 days

  5. I am sort of happy for you…
    I am sort of happy for you for being unfaithful to your marriage now this is a decision you made yourself and definately will reap what you sew just relax accept and move on as it’s yours for the asking and serves you just right .

    1. We appreciate your…

      We appreciate your contribution Kathy.

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships