Asking someone out: do's and don'ts
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Asking someone out: do’s and don’ts

You fancy that girl or boy and you’ve got positive vibes from them. Now comes the next big step – asking them out. This can be tricky. What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? What are the golden rules to obey? Read on to find out.

  • Meet them in person

    The best way to ask someone out is to do it face-to-face. Asking someone out over SMS, email, chat or Facebook makes your approach seem impersonal. So try getting them at a quiet time, preferably when they are alone, and strike up a natural conversation.

  • Keep it open

    ‘Would you be up for doing something together sometime?’ is a good opener. This gives them less of a chance to say no straight away. Also, the way they react to your question could help you gauge whether they really feel like going out on a date with you.

    If they seem positive, you can be sure that they won’t turn your next date request down. If you notice reluctance in their tone, you should probably hang on and re-evaluate whether they are really interested in you or not. In case you feel they aren’t excited by the idea at all, it won’t make you feel as though you lost out because you didn’t actually ask them out in the first place!

  • Have the date planned

    Once you know that you’re definitely going to hear a ‘yes’ from them, it’s time to plan a date and make the move. Invite them to do an activity with you, like going for a hike or watching a movie together. Simply ask, ‘Would you like to watch a movie this weekend if you’re free?’

    Doing something together, instead of meeting over dinner, for instance, will take the onus off your shoulders from making sure both of you have a good time!

  • Be yourself

    Don’t put on an act, try to be cool, or try too hard to impress. Just be yourself, and be warm and friendly. You want them to go on a date because of who you really are – not because you spun them some made-up tale to impress them.

  • Stalk

    Don’t lurk around them trying to find the right moment and time to ask them out. You could come across as being a weirdo or worse, a stalker! If you always find them in a group, ask them if you could get a minute or two with them. But keep your tone relaxed, and don’t…

  • Make it sound like it’s a big deal

    It could well be the scariest thing you’ve ever done, but don’t let it show. Be confident and kill the nervousness. Keep your tone casual and your body language relaxed. And don’t intimidate them by making it seem too important. That could make them wary of your intentions.

    Of course, doesn’t mean you should be cool and offhand – see ‘be yourself’ above. If you give the impression you’re not really bothered about them, why should they go on a date with you?

  • Freak out if they say ‘no’

    If they say ‘yes’, congratulations! You’ve just got yourself a date!

    Time to check out our first date do’s and don’ts.

    If they said ‘no,’ it could seem like the sky came crashing down on you. But you need to keep your composure. Don’t over react, abuse or threaten them. They are probably just quite surprised that you fancy them in the first place or are genuinely busy. And even if they are disinterested, there’s no harm. There are still a lot of single men and women out there looking to date!

     

    Have you got something to add to the list? Leave your suggestion here or on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (72)

  1. I got this lady’s no. from a
    I got this lady’s no. from a friend & she insists I must tell her who gave me her digits. I wouldn’t like to betray the friend. What should I do to win her?

    1. Hi Kibet,

      Hi Kibet,
      why would you think it’s betrayal if you told her who you got her number from?

    2. It not a betrayal bro
      Just…

      It not a betrayal bro
      Just tell her

      1. We appreciate your…

        We appreciate your contribution Destiny. 

      2. I would check with the…
        I would check with the person who gave you the number first. “Is it okay to tell ‘B’ that I got her number from you?”. If she says no, then you have some work to do! But more likely she’ll say “Yes!”.

        1. Thank you Kambenja for your…

          Thank you Kambenja for your contribution.

      1. Hi Liana, 

        Sure, works too!…

        Hi Liana, 

        Sure, works too! Some people appreciate straightforwardness. Thank you for your contribution. 

  2. Their is this girl i fancy
    Their is this girl i fancy but i have my doubts, coz she always turns me down wen i ask her out 4 a walk but gladly accepts my invitation 4 lunch or so, recently i decided not to call her to she if she could call, but it took her a month to call, and when she called she was asking for money saying that she was broke, i didn’t send the money immediately, so she later called and told me that I only love her in gud tyms, and that i couldn’t even send her money to buy ‘pads’

      1. We appreciate your…

        We appreciate your contribution Noble.

    1. Sorry, doesn’t sound like a…
      Sorry, doesn’t sound like a good start! She needs money and maybe a lot of it! If you run dry (no money), it’s possible she’d also run! So you fancy her, yes; but your relationship must be built on more than just money. I think you should hold off the money and see if you can find other things that you have in common. It’s important to build a friendship before paying for lunches etc., otherwise you just become a ‘sponsor’. Can you do other neutral things besides just taking her out to lunch (Sounds like you’re the one always footing the bill?!)

      1. Thank you Kambenja for your…

        Thank you Kambenja for your insight. We appreciate your contribution.

  3. Their is this girl i fancy
    Their is this girl i fancy but i have my doubts, coz she always turns me down wen i ask her out 4 a walk but gladly accepts my invitation 4 lunch or so, recently i decided not to call her to she if she could call, but it took her a month to call, and when she called she was asking for money saying that she was broke, i didn’t send the money immediately, so she later called and told me that I only love her in gud tyms, and that i couldn’t even send her money to buy ‘pads’, when I sent the money, she went silent upto date. Please help

    1. Hi Elvis,

      Hi Elvis,
      this doesn’t sound like a very promising relationship. Do you think she is just using you?

  4. Tell her you got from that
    Tell her you got from that person and you would like to take her out for a coffee date.

  5. i have one since we divorced,
    i have one since we divorced, and know all over suddeni i got another girl whom a love very much,but know am worried coz the first lady whom we divorced is threatening our relation, what can i do to girl?.

    1. Hi Antony,

      Hi Antony,
      you need to tell the lady you are divorced from that a divorce means that both of you can now make your own decisions, without having to ask the other for absolution, so she should back off!

  6. Hi love matters am this boy
    Hi love matters am this boy with a gud sense of humour and quite easy with approaching girls,who i want to be with..but the problem is that i usually lack what to say..how can u help me with this.

    1. Hi Edwin,

      Hi Edwin,
      have you tried preparing beforehand? You could make lists, for example, with pointer of what you could talk about. Could that help?

  7. What is the best time to take
    What is the best time to take her home? Or introducing her to friends/relatives?

    1. Hi Ben,

      Hi Ben,
      you are best off by discussing this together with her. Together, you will come to the right decision.

  8. I started charting with this
    I started charting with this lady I like but now she tells me to keep away from her? We haven’t gone that far-we are not even friends. Should I obey her demand of keeping away?

    1. Hi Evans,

      Hi Evans,
      has she given you any reasons why should would like you to keep away?

  9. my place is full of ladies n
    my place is full of ladies n I lyk the company bt I don’t get the right one for a date …what can I do plz hlp.

    1. Hi Delvis,

      Hi Delvis,
      why can’t you get the right one? Are they all taken, or is there another problem?

  10. we’ve been in luv for almost
    we’ve been in luv for almost a year.She told me she’s nt a fan of sex & we’ve never done it!bt to my surprise,I got to know from her close friends that she is a lesbian!what shld I do

    1. Hi Godfrey,

      Hi Godfrey,
      if she is in a relationship with you, why would you think she is a lesbian? Have you asked her? Because don’t ever believe something someone says if it’s about a third person.

      1. am still looking 4 a better
        am still looking 4 a better way 2 approach her coz they told me she doesn’t want me to know about it,n if I ask her directly she’s gona know they r the ones who have told me about it,n this is gona cause some trouble among them

        1. Hi Godfrey,

          Hi Godfrey,
          it should cause trouble! They are talking about her behind her back! And saying things you don’t even know if there is any truth to them.
          Talk to her- you are in a relationship with her, and she is the only one you should believe!

  11. Am always too confident when
    Am always too confident when am talking to ladies and most of them think am a player yet am not, what can i do??

    1. Hi Birimwonu,

      Hi Birimwonu,
      show them! Ask a lady you like a lot to give you a chance, and show her you are not a player!

  12. Hi? is’t normal for a woman
    Hi? is’t normal for a woman to ask his hasband for sex or am excepting too much? coz my wife does not ask n i fill bad i have tried to talk with her bt in vain. what could be the problem?

    1. Hi Vin,

      Hi Vin,
      the problem is that most women have not been taught that they are allowed to enjoy sex, and ask for it. Sex, for them, is something for their husband to enjoy, and that’s it.
      What you can do is to make sure she enjoys it, and starts learning that that is okay. It’s not an easy task, and you will need patience and time.

  13. Not really. The lady just
    Not really. The lady just wished me best of luck in searching for another. Seems she was not interested in me…nind

    1. Sorry to hear that, Evans.
      Sorry to hear that, Evans.

  14. Thenx very much for sure u
    Thenx very much for sure u guys are helping much, can’t even explain it ….:)

  15. Hi love matters am abdull

    Hi love matters am abdull
    my problem is that i cant approach a girl face 2 face but only through phone wat

    1. Hi Abdull,

      Hi Abdull,
      then start on the phone! And keep it on the phone until you are comfortable meeting her.

  16. Hi, i am now 24yrs, the
    Hi, i am now 24yrs, the problem is that i dont have a girlfriend and i dont seem bothered. is that normal and.what can.i do.about it

    1. Hi Peter,

      Hi Peter,
      that’s totally fine! Take your time, it’s up to you when you want to be in a relationship!

  17. She asked for a breakup and i
    She asked for a breakup and i gave her and now her best friend is up to sumtin wid me and she like intruding,dnt knw wat to tel her.

  18. ai had agya /br she refusez
    ai had agya /br she refusez mah proposal..bt when ai tok to another lady…she wantz to knw what was tah topic help!!! shld ai quit her?

    1. Sorry Kelly, we are not quite
      Sorry Kelly, we are not quite sure what the problem is? The other lady wants to know the topic of what?

  19. I am glad love masters

    I am glad love masters
    how and when should I ask for sex?
    Cox many girls say am after sex

    1. Martin,

      Martin,
      taking time to ask for sex, and getting to know someone and finding out what they want is the best way to go.

  20. Am grateful for your help and
    Am grateful for your help and advice on how to get the best way to improve the love of the best

    1. Dennis,

      Dennis,
      you have come to the right place! Our website has tons of information!

  21. Hi love matters, there is
    Hi love matters, there is this lady I’ve been dating for almost 2 yrs. We agreed not to have sex until marriage but unfortunately 3 months ago I realized that she is dating another man and they do have sex. This is according to the guy she is dating since he is ever impatient man. Help me plz.

    1. Hi Ausman,

      Hi Ausman,
      Sorry that you are going though this.

      It sounds as though your girlfriend is unfaithful and is cheating on you.

      This can be difficult to come in terms with for anyone.

      You need to take time and think about what you want and if that is the kind of relationship you want to be in.

      It will be difficult to make a choice on what to do bu you have the ability to make the choice.

      When you make a decision on what to do, you should go ahead and implement it.

    2. Forgive – that girl it is the
      Forgive – that girl it is the first mistake give another chance may be there is something made her to do so

  22. Thank You For All Your Tips
    Thank You For All Your Tips

    1. You are welcome Francis.
      You are welcome Francis.

  23. Their is this girl I met over
    Their is this girl I met over a year ago, we love each other so much. We were only together for like four months before distance separate us, which means we are now in a long distance relationship. Am getting afraid if another guy will win her from me.

  24. AN elderly sister to my
    AN elderly sister to my fiancy troubling me everytime to go out with her,and she know that am in love with her sister,sometimes coming to my houes so seductive when my fiancy (her sister ) is not around,and she know that I want to marry her sister,pls I need help.

    1. Hi Rolland,

      Hi Rolland,

      You simply need to stand your ground and make it clear that you are not interested.

      Do not lead her on by letting her meet you in private.

      If you feel its going to far you always have the option of discussing this with your partner to find a solution.

  25. I am married and recently I
    I am married and recently I met a guy whom I liked so much. What should I do?. Can I approach him or not?

    1. Hi Sheila,

      Hi Sheila,

      Cheating means breaking the rules you have agreed on in a committed relationship. Usually cheating refers to sexual infidelity or adultery. If you’re making out or having sex with someone outside of your committed relationship, it means you’re cheating on your partner.

      You really need to think about what is driving you out of your relationship.

      It would be better to work at your marriage than to find solace in an illicit relationship. Most of the time it ends up hurting a lot of people and complicating issues even further.

      Take time and really think about it. Hopefully you will be able to make an informed decision.

  26. I met a girl,we are friends
    I met a girl,we are friends,BT a time comes when she ask me,why am I caring nd close to her,BT one day try 2 tell her my mind BT she told me,is not yet time 4 her to date,bcos her heart has being broken by a guy,den she deside to be alone 4 some time,and I seriously love her,pls what advice did you guys have for me to win her heart

    1. Hi Hong,

      Hi Hong,

      Getting over a broken heart is never an easy affair. People need time to heal and get back to a good place.

      Its a good thing she’s open with you. It would be a good idea to give her time. Trying to hard to pursue her might push her away. Take time and think about it.

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    Thank you, I’ve recently been searching for information approximately this
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  29. There is this girl that I…
    There is this girl that I love but don’t know how to approach her

    1. Hi Antony, if you like a…

      Hi Antony, if you like a girl, the next thing to do is to approach her and see if she feels the same way. The only way you get to know how she feels is to be brave and tell her how you feel. If you are not confident enough to talk with her face to face, you can consider texting or calling. Be brave and let her know how you feel. Remember, girls find confidence attractive. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date

  30. Guys please there is this…
    Guys please there is this girl I fancy a lot, I have planned to meet just the two of us and she agreed but I don’t know how to start

    1. Hey Daniel, it is normal to…

      Hey Daniel, it is normal to feel the way you are feeling. You however need to start by relaxing. You want to use a first date for getting to know each other, ask questions, talk and also listen. Try and avoid topics that may lead to tension during the date. Choose a place that is convenient for you bot including a time will work well for you both. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/first-date-dos-and-donts

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