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Mistakes to avoid with a new relationship

By Diana Esther Wangari on

Relationships aren’t easy. If only there was a foolproof manual covering the topic. But even if such a guide existed, it would have to be customised for each couple.

So the only thing you can do is put your best foot forward and hope for the best…

Ordinarily, most people think that ‘putting one’s best foot forward’ means dressing your best and ensuring your date knows how many ‘big shots’ you happen to hang out with. (Even if ‘hanging out’ just means sharing the same elevator – but of course, such details are never worth mentioning to a prospective partner.)

But neither clothes nor boasts form solid ground to start a serious relationship on. A relationship, like most things in life, is a step-to-step process that requires both efforts and thought. And how you start a relationship determines how it finishes. So here are a few things to avoid during those first few fragile months.

1. Looking too good

   The only way to tell if a person will love you for you and would accept your faults is by not appearing perfect. Save the best for later.

2. Love at first sight

   Getting in way over your head at the beginning is never a good idea. Neither is picking out baby names after only going out for two months. You need to give your partner space to breath.

3. Ms./Mr. Too-hard-to-get

   We’re talking about the emotional aspects here, not the physical. If in an attempt to appear ‘sophisticated’ or ‘mysterious’, you keep all the conversations impersonal, you risk coming across as arrogant. At the end of the day, we want to curl up to a Teddy Bear, not a Barbie Doll – these are only for playing with.

4. Lying about who you are

   There are little white lies which are usually irrelevant to your future. But then there are those lies that this person will find out about at some point if they remain in your life. So why bother?

5. Opening up too quickly

   Trust is earned, not given. So let them earn your trust first. This includes not becoming so dependent within a few short months, that you can’t function without them.

6. Trying too hard to be compatible

   In trying to prove that the two of you are so alike, you don’t say anything about the things that make you uncomfortable. Pent-up fury will only erupt one day – and perhaps destroy your relationship.

7. Making comparisons

   Whether you compare them to yourself, your ex or to their ex, no good will come out of it. Leave the past in the past.

8. Not ending it at the very beginning

   If it’s quite obvious early on that the two of you have different values, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can eventually change them. Even worse: staying together just because you don’t want to be alone.

9. Still doing it even if it feels wrong

   As for the physical side of a relationship, timing is your choice and it should always feel comfortable.

Okay, now it’s time to self-customise these rules and make them your own. It’s now up to you, what you do.
 

Do you have any other tips when starting a new relationship? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on our Facebook pages, Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.