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Desperate for love? Then talk.

By Rose Odengo on

While going through a very sobering season in my life, I’ve realised some things: 1) life is more than romantic relationships, 2) a lot of people are carrying a lot of hurt from past relationships and 3) women shouldn’t assume their partners are mind readers…

Recently, I chatted with a male friend and he was scared. His beau had become cold and distant. Anytime he brought this up, she would get defensive. It made him feel like he was the problem.

Women are from…

He loved his woman and had no idea what was going on. He continued texting even after she began ignoring his phone calls. He obviously wanted to help but his hands were tied. And it’s very likely she wanted to be helped but unfortunately, she also wanted him to be all-seeing and just get on with solving the dilemma in her life.

One thing that a lot of men may not know: when a woman is bothered by something she may act out on some totally unrelated action of yours. Women can say one thing and may – note all the mays – mean something else entirely. This is the challenge of the Martian: to understand the language of the Venusian.

Open your mouth

I told my friend clean and simple: if you love her and really want to help, ask her to sit down and talk with you about your concerns. It may not be easy for her and, heck, she might not even be ready to talk. But you know what, ladies? You need to tell your man what’s up. Are you scared? Are you also still trying to figure out what’s going on? Are you simply uncomfortable with sharing?

We can push our men away by expecting them to have the super powers to decipher what we are going through. A rational woman needs to open her mouth and talk. And a rational man should listen, be patient and show his vulnerability. He should gently nudge his woman to open up about her most intimate concerns.

Hurt hurts

If someone cannot afford you the courtesy to communicate, I don’t care how desperate you are to be in a relationship. You cannot force help on someone who does not want it. Walk away. Take a break. Or if things have already gone too far gone, throw in the towel. Life is more than just romantic relationships.

Don’t force yourself to be in a hurtful relationship. Unless you gave birth to this particular human being or they happen to be a close blood relative, you shouldn’t allow another human being to stress you. Loving someone who doesn’t love you in return just leads to hurt.


Females: do you have a problem with telling your partner what you are actually feeling? Males: ever feel like you’re expected to be a mind reader? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.