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Alphonce Omondi

FGM/C and orgasm

I understand that a vagina that has undergone female genital cutting has low arousal, or rather it takes more time to orgasm and a man cannot enjoy it.

‘But I have gone through both types of vaginas and enjoyed the one which had her clitoris removed more. What’s the logic behind female genital cutting?’

What is female genital mutilation?

Hmmm, the million dollar question! I will split your question into two parts. First, the vagina does not ‘undergo FGM’. Rather female genital mutilation* involves the vulva. The vulva is everything that you can see when you look at a woman’s ‘private parts’ (i.e. the inner and outer lips, and the little button we call the clitoris).

Depending on the type of FGM that a girl or woman goes through, they cut pieces of the vulva out. According to Jomo Kenyatta in Facing Mount Kenya, the Kikuyus would only cut off the part of the clitoris you can see and leave the lips intact. In her autobiography Desert Flower, Waris Dirie states that in Somali culture, they cut off the clitoris and the inner lips, then stitch the outer lips together.

FGM/C and sexual pleasure

A few months ago I asked several women who have been cut to tell me about their sex lives and specifically whether or not they experience orgasm. Then, I also asked men like yourself to share their experiences and was glad to find that, yes, cut women can and do have orgasms regularly.

The reason I brought up the different types of FGM is that they impact sex life differently. For women whose outer lips were stitched, it may be more difficult, but certainly not impossible, to enjoy sex and even have orgasms.

Second, FGM is mainly performed to ‘tame’ women. It’s thought that our clitorises make us wanton pleasure-seeking creatures who are likely to stray. Sealing the outer lips is also a guarantee of virginity because any ‘breach’ prior to marriage is physically evident. The male pleasure isn’t thought to be inhibited by FGM, in fact, some people believe that FGM enhances it.

More to the clitoris than we think

What the advocates of FGM did not know is that what we see of the clitoris is but the tiny tip, and it, in fact, stretches back into a woman’s pelvis by about 4 to 6 inches. So amputation of the tip does not mean that a woman will never enjoy sex.

FGM is an archaic custom that aims to control women. For most young girls, the trauma of being held down and cut without anaesthesia, and the pain they endure while nursing their bodies to health, serve as an excruciating deterrent to sexual activity.

More and more young men are coming out and talking about the differences they have experienced between sex with circumcised women and uncircumcised women. Some like yourself are surprised to find that they enjoyed sex, while others (especially if the girl is a virgin) report that they hated causing someone so much pain as they broke through the FGM seal of scar tissue.

I love that you asked this question and now that you know that FGM is a mechanism of control, I hope you will speak up about it and try to end it within your sphere of influence.

Have you or your partner undergone female genital cutting? How has it influenced your sex life? If you need any assistance, you can ask our discussion board moderators for help.

* Note from the editor: Female genital mutilation (FGM) is also referred to as female circumcision and female genital cutting (FGC). Love Matters Africa prefers FGC, or FGM/C. You can read more about these terms and our rationale behind usually using FGC here.

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Recent Comments (48)

  1. A very educative end
    A very educative end entertaining article!

    1. Thanks for your comment,
      Thanks for your comment, Kevin.

  2. My wife has undergone FGM she
    My wife has undergone FGM she doesn’t like sex at all. Infact she only does it to please me. Everytime we have sex, she never ejaculates or even if she does i do alot of work which eventually lives me so tired. The last time she ejaculated was barely 11months ago. Anyone with help friends i’ll be so glad.

    1. I have never had sex with a…
      I have never had sex with a mutilated woman nor am I mutilated I also have rarely had sex without my woman orgasming. what do you mean by ejaculate.

      1. Hey Robbert, when a man or…

        Hey Robbert, when a man or woman orgasm they produce a fluid in men called semen, this is also known as ejaculation or to ejaculate. Women too produce a a whitish fluid and in some cases a woman will produce a upro half a litre of clear fluid when they orgasm. Check out the following articles for additional information;- 

  3. I din’t know about this in
    I din’t know about this in deep details….. nitawahelimisha

    1. We hope this was interesting
      We hope this was interesting for you, Joshua!

  4. FGC/FGM MUST stop! i know
    FGC/FGM MUST stop! i know that it is about culture but civilization has cleared that off. why still want to make people suffer esp in this era of HIV/AIDS…??

  5. I just came across love
    I just came across love matters recently and would like to say u guys are doing a great job in educating us,especially on this FGM issues. thank u..

    1. (No subject)
      Thank you Precious. We are glad that you find the information on our website useful.

  6. A woman should not have her…
    A woman should not have her sex drive or ability to enjoy orgasm or intercourse reduced or disabled. I am a man and I would not want my ability to get an erection or the feeling reduced or disabled. It is our human right to enjoy sex and have children . Men and women should be equal and respected equally when it comes to sexual experiences and orgasm. I love my woman to desire sex and to get aroused . It shows her feelings to want me and love me.

  7. I am circumcised and am not…
    I am circumcised and am not married am 22 now and i have no felling at all please tell me what to do

    1. Hello Ashni, What do you…
      Hello Ashni, What do you mean by you have no feelings at all?

  8. Please differtiate between…
    Please differtiate between female genital mutilation and female cicumcision… in circumcision just like male circumcision we cut only clitoral prepuse and clitoris stays intact and expose so she have more arousal snd greater and faster and often multiple orgasms but in fgm she have not any sensation and orgasm…. true female circumcision is hoodectomy or clitoral unhooding and practice around the world specialy in USA and EU

  9. I got my fgm when i was…
    I got my fgm when i was young by my stepmum.but i love sex am too active so am i normal coz i want it more

  10. Hey Pinky, there is nothing…
    Hey Pinky, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. Just make sure that you are safe and that you prevent both unplanned pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Correct and consistent use of condoms can help prevent both of these. Check out these articles;-

  11. Am asking am an fgm victim…
    Am asking am an fgm victim was done that by my step mum now i love sex i enjoy it i get orgarsm but i want more and my husband only comes once so is it me or my fgm is affecting me

  12. Hey Pinky, there is nothing…
    Hey Pinky, there is nothing wrong with you wanting more sex. Infact with FGM it’s expected that you wouldn’t enjoy sex so it is a good thing that you enjoy sex and even orgasm. It’s normal for one partner to have a higher sex drive or libido than the other partner. What you need to do is to talk to your partner. Let him know what you would like and have him also tell you what he would like and then together agree on how to proceed. Sex is always better when partners talk about it. Check out this this article;-

  13. It all the same. Just mans…
    It all the same. Just mans game determines

  14. Hello Jack, Thank you for…
    Hello Jack, Thank you for your contribution. Is it based on a personal experience? Keep reading our articles.

  15. My girlfriend was interested…
    My girlfriend was interested in this practice for yrs. It became a infatuation for her so much so then 21yrs that when she had her 24th birthday she said she wanted it to be done to her. We are white and born bred British. So it ended up us going abroad Africa and eventually after 3wks there it was performed on her. Completely inner outer and clit removed she just had a little hole. After the healing process and once back in the UK she was so happy and exited about it. Her overall attitude changed. More up beat. Happy. Just so much more contented she remarked. She loves looking at herself down there and I have to admit I at first thought this is going to be a big mistake which can’t be undone once it’s happened and kinda expected mood swings depression and more. But on the contrary. I love it how it looks. She loves it and says it’s best thing so far she’s done. Forget boob job fanny job much better neater looking sexier total posertive. Three yrs since she had it done and our sex life is better since she had the op. We are firm beleavers of not banning this but promoting it. It looks so cute and if we have children girls we’ve already decided to have our daughter/s circumcised for defo. Lionel & Lucy Essex uk 🙂

    1. Hi Lionel,

      Nice to hear…
      Hi Lionel,

      Nice to hear from you about female circumcision. I am interested about this for my wife. I need more information about doing it. Waiting for response.

      Ismail Ahmed

      1. Hi Ismail, is there a reason…

        Hi Ismail, is there a reason why you and your wife are interested in FGM? FGM is an archaic custom that aims to control women. Women who undergo FMG end with more negative complications as a results of the procedure including difficult labor, chronic pain, painful sex among others. Many countries around the world have since outlawed the practice as a demonstration of the fact that it has negative effects on women. This is something that Love Matters does not advocate for. 

        1. Hi,

          We are interested about…

          We are interested about it because it makes the women neat and clean. It keeps her vulva clean which is a requirement for prayer. Also, it is understandable that circumcision is only take away visible part of the clitoris and small labia but most of the clit is remained under and while penetrating, she can get pleasure through G spot and also through the rest of the clit. What changed is only visible part of clit cant be touched but it is good as she will not get aroused unnecessarily. Anything extreme is bad and FGM is bad when it is extreme. Hope you can understand my reason.

          1. Ismail, while we respect…

            Ismail, while we respect your religious beliefs there are much better ways to keep clean for woman aside from getting FGM done. As earlier mentioned FGM presents complications during child birth which can endanger the life of a woman including making sex painful each time she has sex. Using water to clean up regularly including before prayer is sufficient to keep the woman clean and neat as you suggest. Remember, cleaning is necessary even after FGM, so why do it? 

  16. Thank you Lionel for sharing…
    Thank you Lionel for sharing your partner’s experience.

  17. Am an Fgm victim mine was…
    Am an Fgm victim mine was done by my stepmum so how do i know i have labia and minora
    Thank you

    1. Hello Kali, you can consult…
      Hello Kali, you can consult a doctor who will correctly tell you the kind of FGM you underwent.

  18. Thank you so much to the…
    Thank you so much to the person who wrote this article.seriously from the bottom of my heart.

    1. You are very welcome Maya,…
      You are very welcome Maya, and we are glad that you found this article useful.

  19. We cannot control many…
    We cannot control many things in life, whether we are born rich or poor or healthy or sick. But we can make good decisions that increase our health and wealth. FGM can lead to serious health problems and infertility. Both Christians and Muslim imam are against it. To improve the chances of your daughter of having children and also decrease her chances of needing expensive medical problems the best we can do is to stop fgm.

    1. Thank you Aaa, we appreciate…

      Thank you Aaa, we appreciate your contribution. 

  20. The cutter should dig out…
    The cutter should dig out the clitoris by the root, not just cut the part that protrudes. If that is done thoroughly it is guaranteed that the girl will not experience orgasm.

    1. FGM is the worst thing to be…
      FGM is the worst thing to be done to a woman. FGM victims tend to have an everlasting Urinary infections.

      1. Yes Abdul, we agree. 

        Yes Abdul, we agree. 

  21. I need a heip about fgm yu…
    I need a heip about fgm yu can reach thats my no

  22. Hey there i need help,when…
    Hey there i need help,when we are having sex with my hubby i produce alot of water/fluid which is not normal for me.thereafter i was not producing kind of water and iam not comfortable with it coz i see i may be sick.

    1. Hey Florence, it is normal…

      Hey Florence, it is normal to be wet when having sex as this is a sign that you are aroused. Infact, the wetter the better, it makes sex enjoyable for both partners. However, if you feel that this is getting in the way of you enjoying sex, perhaps the penis keeps slipping out, you could consider using a clean cloth to wipe the vagina during during sex. Have a look at this article for more information;-

  23. My new girlfriend would talk…
    My new girlfriend would talk diety to me about how great we’ll have sex then the next day will switch off and if I talk about it will get so agressive. I initially thought she was probably a rape survivor or some harassment. I tried pestering her until she opened up to me she was cut. Up until today after 3 days of hearing the news, I was still angry at her parents whom I don’t know. The reason being that she seems to have been brainwashed to thinking marriage is all for her as though she’s some gift for a man to acquire. A gift that must not be dented. I wasn’t only mad at hearing these kind of sentiment but the fact that her parents were educated made me crazy. African parents are really horrible at their parenting jobs. They just wanna be in control of your life 100%.

  24. Hi Retty, thank you so much…

    Hi Retty, thank you so much for feeling comfortable and sharing your story with us. We are so sorry to hear about what she had to endure and we can completely understand the frustrations you have towards her parents. What is important is that you are there for your partner and you were patient and understanding enough for her to share with you something that she naturally would not have wanted to speak about. This shows that she trusts you which is very important in keeping your relationship strong. Maintain your patience and support for her and in time as you discover more about each other emotionally, physically and mentally, she will feel safer and more willing to make love to you. As for her parents, even though they may be educate, they may have decided to take the step to cut her based on deep rooted cultures and traditions that they did not want to break lest they risked being frowned or excluded from their community. Not to say that it was the correct thing to do but once again, be patient with them and remain respectful until a time they feel comfortable enough to open up to you about themselves and have an open and honest discussion about it. 

  25. Hello,
    I am new to this…

    I am new to this topic as well. My situation is that my fiancee had been the victim of FGM when she was baby. She is able to have an orgasm through clitoral stimulation but feels nothing through penetration. When she was looked at by a doctor they had told her that the Labia had been removed. My question for you is, what part does the Labia play when it comes to the female orgasm? Is it possible for someone without the Labia to experience the same type of orgasm through penetration?

    Thank you for your time.

    1. Hello, thank you for…

      Hello, thank you for reaching out to us. Women experience different kinds of orgasms. However, it seems like your partner cannot achieve a G-Spot or cervical orgasm. This is okay and perfectly normal. The labia do in fact contribute to sexual pleasure and arousal because during sexual stimulation they become engorged and become increasingly sensitive to touch. However, it is highly unlikely that that is the reason she is unable to achieveorgasm through penetration.

  26. All genital mutilation…
    All genital mutilation should be ended. This is not a gender issue; femal, male, or mixed we all have a right to our own intact body. Genital mutilation has the same affect for both genders. Of course if a consenting adult chooses it for themselves more power to them. I was not given the choice as is very common for males in the US and it is a deep trauma with lifelong consequences. Truly disgusted that my country allows male and female genital mutilation.

  27. Hi Cla, thank you so much…

    Hi Cla, thank you so much for your input. We completely agree with you that all genital mutilation is wrong and that it should be ended. We are surprised that you mention that this is something that happens widely across the US. Are you sure you are not referring to male circumcision? Click on this link and let us know what you think about it:

    Have a wonderful weekend and stay safe!


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