Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

No feelings for husband

By Valentine Njoroge August 10, 02:40 pm
I am married but have no feelings for my husband. Never had. I like him, and he's a good friend. But nothing more. What can I do?

Disorienting

Oh wow! I am so sorry. I imagine you feel very lonely in this. I wish you had said a little more about what might have precipitated this. Or did your apathy just come out of nowhere? To go from the heady and intoxicating feeling of being ‘in love’ to feeling nothing can be disorienting, to say the least.

You are, however, married so you did choose to spend your life with this man. You do not sound like you want to leave him, so how about you try remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place? Was it his good looks that attracted you to him? Was it his wicked sense of humour that kept your ribs cracking? Is he a great listener? Perhaps he is supportive and encouraging of you? A man who believes in us – and our dreams – can be very attractive.

It is a season and marriage like, all relationships, is full of them.

Is it really over?

The actor Will Smith recently confessed that his marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith has died several times. Just like you, he admitted that the love is not always there and there have been times when it wasn’t easy to remain married. I love this level of candour because it gives us a real glimpse into what marriage is like. What you are going through is impermanent just like everything else in life and it too shall pass.

Wait a bit

Unless you or your children are unsafe, find a way to maintain a friendship with your partner and the love will come back. Perhaps not the heady and drunk 'in love' feeling, but a deep affection for your partner that comes from building a life together and going through all manner of things. Take heart dear, and don’t give up.

 

Has your relationship passed through seasons of apathy? Let our discussion board moderators know if you need help.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
claudia
Tue, 03/05/2019 - 07:17 pm
Hey have been married for 6Years now and my husband worked so hard to provide for us,my jobless myself now i have a problem my hubby has started cheating on me with some girl but when i ask why thn he told me i have nothing going on with that girl i even went to ancxsted of texting this girl and the lady told me we were together is just that you get pregnant with him.... thn i just assume that m is over now my worries is how can i come back to trust my hubby again like everthing hr does i feel like they are steal together....what can i do to get back to normal again help me

Dear Claudia, first, this was not your fault it's your husband who made the choice to cheat on you. To be able to rebuild trust in your relationship, you husband needs to be remorseful and play his role to build back trust in your relationship. It is important you have an honest conversation with your partner about what the cheating suspicion, let him know how this has affected your trust toward him and how it is affecting your relationship. This conversation will help you and your husband agree on how to proceed and how to work on trust in your relationship. We wish you all the best. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/tips-to-recover-from-cheating-in-marriage

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