Post break-up sex: is it a good idea?
Emanuele del Rosso

Serious erection problems

‘It’s embarrassing but I am having serious problems with getting erections. Not always but sometimes. This wasn’t the case earlier though. Am I getting some condition? What can I do? It’s really embarrassing! Help!’

We have found the one thing that freaks out the average male – erectile dysfunction. Now erectile dysfunction, simply put, is the inability to get or maintain any sort of erection before or during sexual activity, and needs to be looked at by a doctor. What you’re suffering suffering from, phases of lesser erections could be due to so many other reasons. Let’s discuss a few…

Identity crisis?

Let’s begin from the beginning. ‘It’s so embarrassing!’ You have said it two times in four sentences, so first you better try and get over that. If it makes you so ashamed of yourself, it means a few things to me.

The first one – is your identity defined by how many times the flag is hoisted in a day? Is your identity erection dependent? Hopefully not! So get over the ‘so embarrassing’ ‘it’s not happening’ rut. It’s okay, it’s a phase, chill.

‘Bad’ habits

Now, while alcohol may increase desire, it is known to reduce performance. Are you getting a bit too much of the tipple? Responsible drinking is acceptable, but if it is over the top it may be impacting your performance in various ways.

Smoking, oh ho terrible habit that, and has an effect on maintaining erections. And by the way, smokers, if your partners are still making out with you despite this habit, they must really be into you. It’s not very charming to kiss a smelly mouth!

Lifestyle issues

Now, do you suffer any kind of medical problems? Diabetes? Depression? Are you taking any medication? Ok then, what about tiredness? Fatigue? Just plain exhaustion? All good enough causes for nothing staying up.

It’s time for a lifestyle chang. Come on, you can do it! Get out those walking shoes, grab your partner and off you both go for a walk and a small run. Maybe get a yoga instructor, maybe grab a film once in a while and definitely make a date night! Just talk about fun things and people – simple pleasures. Host a party, socialise, etc… There’s a lot to look forward to. Just do not become overwhelmed by this occasional occurrence.

Partner perfect

But, the biggest sex buster could be your relationship. If you are doing well there, then things will improve dramatically but if your relationship is going through some roller coaster moments, this is bound to happen.

So do an inventory check – are you both happy? Is everything pleasant? How are you connecting? For sure this must be a cause of some tension. How are you handling it? Are you being forever “embarrassed” or are you not bothered or for fear of not being able to get it up, you are avoiding sex and intimacy… does any of this sound familiar?

Heaps of homework

So what you need to do is relax and get over the shame. It’s awkward no doubt, but it is also a circle, I tell you. You are anxious that you won’t be able to do it and this anxiety causes further dysfunction. It happens again, it gets confirmed, you get anxious again and the cycle continues. So this cycle needs to be broken at once.

Next thing: your partner is a key player. If they are running you down, making you feel worse, making exasperated noises, that is not going to help the situation at all. So lovers of downers, pick yourself up and get your act together. Your man needs your support and vote, not your jabs and taunts!

Intimacy is the key and that definitely does not mean sex. Sex may or may not happen, worry not! You must enjoy some moments of togetherness, sweetness, laughter and even tears. Some fun food, some films, some tenderness towards each other will go a long way in bringing you close and most importantly reducing your anxiety and worry. So, yes, you have a lot to do. Good luck!

Do you suffer from erectile dysfucntion? Leave a comment below, ask a question on our forum, or start a discussion on Facebook

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Recent Comments (10)

  1. Help. I ejaculate very fast…
    Help. I ejaculate very fast on my first attempt to have sex with my wife. We both have to wait for 5mins more for the next erection which is a bit better and sustains.initially we used to have sex on my first erection. I am now 35yrs. I dont drink or smoke. I exercise a lot in a day. I have recently reduced weight by about 10kgs but nothing seems to help. Help.

  2. Hey Roy,…

    Hey Roy,

    It sounds like you are having a case of premature ejaculation. Normally may result from both physical and psychological problems, though it is usually difficult to find a clearly discernable cause.

    Using relaxation or distraction techniques during sex can help delay orgasm, but the best way to gain mastery over ejaculation is by identifying the sensations that signal an approaching orgasm and communicating with your partner to tone down stimulation for a while.

    Here’s a link with more information on what you can do .



  3. Pls what make my libidos…
    Pls what make my libidos harden almost every time

    1. Hi Anonymous, please explain…

      Hi Anonymous, please explain what you mean.

  4. I have erectal dysfunction. …
    I have erectal dysfunction.
    I find it hard to get up except I take some supplements and my wife is a downer who always comes up with jabs. I am about 60yrs.
    I smoked and drank before but no longer smoke nor drink over 10 years now.
    Kindly help.

    1. Hello Don, thank you for…

      Hello Don, thank you for reaching out to us. Erectile dysfunction is perfectly normal especially the older you get. Supplements might not be enough, we strongly suggest that you see a medical practitioner for a comprehensive diagnosis and advice on the way forward.

  5. What could be the causes of…
    What could be the causes of dick not strong early in the morning or even when with my wife?

  6. Hi King, Thank you so much…

    Hi King, Thank you so much for reaching out and opening up to us. What you are describing is known as Erectile dysfunction (ED) which is the inability to get or keep an erection firm enough to have sexual intercourse. Do not worry though, occasional ED isn’t uncommon. Many men experience it during times of stress. Frequent ED, however, can be a sign of health problems. It can also be a sign of emotional or relationship difficulties that may need to be addressed by a medical or psychological professional depending on what you believe might be the root cause. Please check out the link to this article for more information:

  7. I have been into…
    I have been into masterbation for about 5years
    When l had sex with my wife l cum very fest what can l do

    1. This is a very good question…

      This is a very good question and a very common one as well. So, do not worry, you are not alone. There are some remedies that could help you last a little longer. However, if you have premature ejaculation, you should go see a doctor.
      One option is the stop-start method used to treat premature ejaculation but can also help a person last longer. This technique calls for the man to have sex or masturbate until you almost cum and then stop. When you’re about to climax, stop, and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure on the tube running underneath your penis. This will push blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, calming your ejaculatory response. This should be repeated many times.
      Another remedy is to engage in sex styles that do not stimulate the underside of the penis like spooning and reverse cowgirl. You could also masturbate before having sex.

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