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Painful sex and periods

My girlfriend always feels pain when we have sex, unless she is on her period. What might be the cause, and is it wrong to have sex while she bleeds?

Sex and pain should never be in the same sentence.

However, it’s estimated that 60 per cent of all women experience pain during sex every now and then.

As a matter of fact, pain during sex has been documented as far back as ancient Egypt. In some cultures, it’s even grounds for divorce.

Not that I am advocating for you to dump your girlfriend! I think you should be commended for trying to help her.

Causes of pain during sex

There are many causes for pain during sex. They can be both physical or emotional. The pain can come from the outside (vulva), inside (vagina) and other regions (lower back, pelvis, uterus, or bladder).

Pain on the vulva can be a result of sensitivity caused by overuse of hygiene products or infections.

Vaginal pain could be due to dryness, infections, and vaginismus (a condition that involuntarily tenses vaginal muscles). Vaginismus can be emotional, due to fear of being hurt, contracting an STD, getting pregnant, or even the guilt associated with sex. It could also be as a result of previous trauma.

Deep pain could be the result of other medical conditions such as fibroids and endometriosis.

Painful sex could also be the result of external stress. After long days at the office or managing a household, a woman might be too stressed, which could lead to tension and pain. Especially when there is not enough foreplay, arousal, and lubrication.

Solution

In your girlfriend’s case, it seems like she is not adequately lubricated. That’s why there is no pain during her period; the menstrual blood acts as lubrication. Therefore, my advice would be to spend more time on foreplay. The average woman needs about 20 minutes of foreplay.

I know most men are alarmed at the suggestion of this time frame; mostly because when most men get erect, they want to get in there asap. Adding games and play could make long foreplay seem like a few minutes. Massage can be a great turn-on for women.

Keep in mind that foreplay is for your own good, too. As you enjoy the scenery, it might last longer as the initial psych slows down.

You could also use a lubricant for the ‘quickie’ days or when she is extra dry. Finally, please consult a qualified gynaecologist just to make sure none of the other issues are at play.

Period sex

As far as sex during menstruation goes, there is nothing wrong with it from a medical or enjoyment point of view. As long as the two of you are okay with it. However, please note that your girlfriend can still get pregnant and if one of you has an STD/STI, it can get passed on. So please take precautions and protect each other.
 

Have you had problems with painful sex? Share your experience below or on Facebook. For questions, get in touch with our forum moderators.

 

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Recent Comments (42)

  1. I think I have the same…
    I think I have the same problem but mine is dryness…

    1. Hi Pauline, to address the…
      Hi Pauline, to address the issue of vaginal dryness you may want to spend more time on foreplay during sex. It may take upto to 20 minutes for the vagina to be well lubricated for easier penetration. Talk to you partner about this and let him know what will really turn you on. You can also consider using artificial lubrication like KY Jelly which you can buy at your local pharmacy. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/lubricant-top-five-facts

  2. Wen I have sex with ma man I…
    Wen I have sex with ma man I start bleeding which we both hate so much what’s the problem I use norplan method the bleeding is just for sometime not throughout

    1. Hi Jane, Bleeding outside of…
      Hi Jane, Bleeding outside of your normal menstrual bleeding should be a concern. Do you a medical centre for a check up.

  3. I have the same problem but…
    I have the same problem but myne is dryness

  4. Am to wet what could be the…
    Am to wet what could be the problem and is there asolutiin

    1. Hi Faiza, It is normal to…
      Hi Faiza, It is normal to have a wet vagina during sex since this is the result of arousal. Sex with a dry vaginal can be uncomfortable even painful. You can consider changing positions when this happens to try increase friction and pleasure. Keep trying until you find one that works.

  5. My man really ejaculate…
    My man really ejaculate quickly even before am satisfied

  6. I have the same problem but…
    I have the same problem but mine is outside the vagina,my skin cracks and feels pain

    1. Hi Lynn,…
      Hi Lynn,

      Visit a medical centre for a check up and treatment.

  7. If I have sex when am I my…
    If I have sex when am I my period can I get pregnant

  8. Wen have sex with man I…
    Wen have sex with man I start bleeding and pain nauko ndani

  9. What are the effects of…
    What are the effects of using emergency pills

  10. My election is not that hard…
    My election is not that hard why

  11. I wet but I do fear when…
    I wet but I do fear when my guy whats it to get inside its painful and I am always sturbon to him because I really fear when it gets inside my vagina what may be the problem

    1. Hello Vinah, the first thing…
      Hello Vinah, the first thing you need to do is to identify the cause of fear. Is fear as a result of a past experience, is it the size of your man’s organ, is it fear of pregnancy or other sexually transmitted infection including HIV? Could it that you fear whether your partner will enjoy the experience. Once you identify the cause address it together with your partner. Remember sex should be fun and enjoyable.

  12. hi, I have the same problem…
    hi, I have the same problem plus am way to dry

    1. Hey Zippy, do you mean pain…

      Hey Zippy, do you mean pain during sex? This can be a caused by a number of reasons including dry sex where penetration happens before the vagina is sufficiently lubricated. This maybe caused by a lack of or insufficient foreplay. The sex position can also lead to pain, a lack of psychological preparation and also stress. It is necessary to spend sufficient time in foreplay and also consider using artificial lubricants to address the dryness. Talking about sex before, during and even after will go along way in helping to address some of the causes of pain. Check out this article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up

  13. What if your boyfriend has a…
    What if your boyfriend has a big penis…

    1. Hi Kisha, while the vagina…

      Hi Kisha, while the vagina is elastic a huge penis can cause pain. It is important to try and be as relaxed as possible during intercourse or penetration as well as ensuring one is aroused which causes the vagina to be moist making penetration easier and enjoyable for both partners. Partners may also consider positions that give the girl more control over the depth of the penetration. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/huge-penis-painful-sex-whats-the-way-out

    1. You are welcome Yvonne.

      You are welcome Yvonne.

  14. Can you get pregnant if you…
    Can you get pregnant if you have sex when on your periods?

  15. Can the siz e of Pe is cause…
    Can the siz e of Pe is cause pain?

  16. If your partner always has…
    If your partner always has rough sex with you and make you feel pain does he really love you? he says he enjoys it that way

    1. Hello Kui, so sorry about…

      Hello Kui, so sorry about this. Sex should not cause pain it should pleasurable for both partners. If your partners cares about you, he will be careful not to hurt. It is important that you talk with your partner about this and agree that sex shouldn’t be painful for you. If he is unwilling to change, you will have to make a decision to either accept this or break up. Check the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up

  17. I need the sparking water…
    I need the sparking water literally called tap what shd I do cause my husband is on my nerves

    1. Hey Fatima, we are unable to…

      Hey Fatima, we are unable to relate your comment to this article. What do you need the sparkling water for? Let us know what you need, you can find sparkling water at a supermarket if this will help sort your issues out. 

  18. I used to have the same…
    I used to have the same problem. After sex I would be in pain for about 20 minutes before it cools down,until I got pregnant n I no longer feel it

    1. Thank you for sharing…

      Thank you for sharing Scarlet. We are glad that you no longer have this problem. 

  19. I feelpain after it, what…
    I feelpain after it, what causes that.

    1. Hey Laky, you feel pain…

      Hey Laky, you feel pain after sex or after periods?

  20. Hae my girlfriend always…
    Hae my girlfriend always undergo painful menstration which take a bit long than the normal days, what may be the problem

    1. Hi Denis, period pain is…

      Hi Denis, period pain is normal and usually one can do afew things to relieve the pain including taking over the counter pain killers. If these don’t help to relieve the pain, one can consider discussing this with their health care provider. Periods usually last between 2 to 7 days, again if they last longer than this one needs to seek medical advice. 

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