Banana and condensed milk, representing ejaculation
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I want my erection to stay harder for longer

By Anonymous Wednesday, March 6, 2019 - 12:13
I want my penis to stay erect longer. And I want it to be harder. Like really strong! What do I do?

Why?

The first thing you need to do is to ask you why. Do you think something is wrong and your penis isn’t hard enough, or you can’t go as long as you want?
It could be that there is a problem: you could either struggle with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.

Penis problems

Erectile dysfunction (ED) means that you either can’t get an erection or your erection doesn’t last long. ED is a sexual dysfunction that people also call ‘impotence’. It can affect men of all ages, even though most men who have problems are older. In recent years, more and more young men have been developing issues in this department.

Premature ejaculation (PE) means that you come earlier than you would like to. It's really common. PE may result from both physical and psychological problems, though it is usually difficult to find a clearly discernable cause.

There are things you can do with both PE and erectile dysfunction. Check out our tips on overcoming ED and PE.

Or is everything normal?

But chances are everything is actually okay. Expectations, and particularly porn, make many men feel insecure about their abilities in bed. Don’t rush through sex: it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

You don’t have to go through four, five, or even more rounds a night to be a good lover.

Men who aren't quite sure how to be good lovers often look for quick fixes and think that this will make a difference to them, and, even more importantly, to their sex partners.
But here’s a secret: to be good in bed, you don’t need to have the hardest, biggest, longest-lasting boner in the world.

The solution

What really matters are that you are in sync with your partner. Do you understand what they want? Spend time talking about what you both like and dislike and listen!

Take your time during foreplay and look out for your partner’s reactions. Women need much longer to get aroused than men do, so take your time. But regardless of who you are sleeping with, taking it slow is always a good idea. And then, once you are both satisfied and had a good time, don’t just turn around and fall asleep. Have what’s called ‘afterplay’: cuddle, talk, and enjoy each other’s company.

I guarantee you: you and your partner being in sync is far more important than a hard, long-standing erection.


Do you have questions about great, pleasurable sex? Our discussion board moderators are ready for all your queries.

Comments

Hey Lavyne, what your partner is experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. There are a few things he can do to overcome this;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation Overcoming this will take practice and time, and for this reason your partner will need your support and understanding. Also, after ejaculation it takes sometime before gaining another erection. This time varies from one person to another, all your partner can do is to work with their own body. 

Dear John, masturbation is one of the safest, easiest forms of sex. It's about getting to know your body and your likes and dislikes. Actually, you can teach your partner what you enjoy when you have sex. John, there's nothing shameful or unhealthy about it!

Ejaculating so fast or taking longer is affected by many things, this includes anxiety, excitement and other psychological factors. Age is also a factor- the less experienced one is, they are likely to ejaculate faster than someone who is more experienced. Perhaps you can observe and see what could be bringing the changes. 

Hey Logo, ejaculating sooner than you want or much later than you desire are caused by psychological factors. This could be fear, stress, anxiety including cases where one may have been abused, or thinking that sex isn't good. There is really nothing wrong with masturbation, it has no medical effects. However, if one is engaged in masturbation to the point they miss out on important tasks like work or school. It is important to identify what is causing you to masturbate, what triggers the masturbation, then begin by avoiding the triggers. Take one day at a time eventually you will be able to have better control. Check out the following articles for more tips;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-men

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/i-am-addicted-to-porn-and-masturbation

Hello Charity, what your partner is experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and as he gains more experience he also gets better in controlling ejaculation. There are a few things he can do to to help better control his ejaculation;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation Lastly, overcoming this will take practice and time, and for this reason your partner will need your support and understanding. 

Hello Austin, do you mean you ejaculate sooner that you want to? This is known as premature ejaculating. It is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and as he gains more experience he also gets better in controlling ejaculation. There are a few things he can do to to help better control his ejaculation;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

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