Distressed young man in front of a blurred grey background

Premature ejaculation: I come too soon

By Nehaa Singh Khamboj December 29, 03:45 pm
A few disappointing sexual encounters and unsatisfied women later, Thomas is very embarrassed about ejaculating prematurely.

'I was twenty when I first had sex with my then-girlfriend, Natalie. It had just been a minute and I came. We both laughed it off, saying that the excitement of doing it for the first time must have been too much. But I came equally soon when we had sex for the second time that night.
However, since both of us were inexperienced, we didn’t realise it was a problem. We were a couple for two years until I decided to break up with her.

'Natalie was predictably upset and we had a heated argument during which she said, "At least I can now find a real man who will satisfy me!” When I asked her what she meant by that she scornfully said, "My girlfriends have a good laugh every time I tell them you’re the true definition of a quickie. You come before we even get started! I stayed with you only because I felt sorry for you. Good luck finding a woman and keeping her!'"

Angry, depressed, and embarrassed

'Despite being aware that a lot of what Natalie said came from a place of anger, I also knew, deep down, she wasn’t far from the truth. The few times we had had sex (we did it like once a month because it was hard to find a place or she was travelling for work frequently), I would come in a matter of seconds after penetration.

'After breaking up with her, I went on a quite a few dates and some of them ended with sex.

Unfortunately, each time I came too soon and once I even came before I could manage to penetrate. None of those women called me ever again!

'I was depressed, angry, and so embarrassed that I just stopped dating. I didn’t want to face rejection and humiliation. I couldn’t stand being made fun of. My social life was me sitting in front of the television every night either drinking or eating myself to sleep. To make matters worse, all of my friends were in relationships or going out on dates.'

A common problem

'Thanks to some internet research I figured out my problem is called premature ejaculation (PE) but I was too much of “man” to go to a doctor. Eventually, better sense prevailed and I went to a doctor to discuss my PE problem. I was so self-conscious and terrified of speaking about something so personal.

'Luckily the doctor sensed I was uncomfortable and put me at ease. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. To my relief, he said PE was a problem he deals with often and different types of treatment work for different people. We started with counselling and techniques I could use while having sex as well as certain medications I could try if nothing else worked.

'It took me months to get to a point where I felt confident about my skills in the bedroom. However, I wisely worked on other ways to pleasure my sexual partners such as foreplay and oral sex. And now I have a wonderful and most understanding girlfriend and we are enjoying the sex as well as our journey together!'

Have you ever suffered from premature ejaculation? Would you like to share your experiences?  For questions, please head to our discussion board; our moderators are here to help you. 

Did you learn something new?

Dear Thomas, please do not buy any drugs without talking to a doctor first, because that could seriously harm you. It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don't have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression. Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn't and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things! Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up. Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!). Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other. If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional. You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.
Tue, 12/30/2014 - 01:29 pm
Hi! my girlfriend is often satisfied with my sex skills. However, I often erect anyhow and when it occurs, it takes long to calm down. This happens when I'm alone. what do I do.
Tue, 12/30/2014 - 04:31 pm
Mhh.... i also av a PE problem..... its a year now........ i just ejaculate b4 penetration.... and that is enough..... am stressed up with this situation.....
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