Burning logs
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Burning while having sex

How can sex with one partner be painless? Why does it become painful with another partner? Is it all in your head?

I was a college student when I had my first serious romantic relationship. He was a sweet and considerate guy and my first-time sex with him, while not memorable, was not full of pain. We broke up when I moved back to my hometown and he had to stay behind.

Sex started to hurt

Before I married my husband, we had lived together for three years. The sex was good, there was plenty of romance, and we spent a lot of time together. Soon, however, all that changed. I can’t say what the trigger was, or if there was one to start with. All I know is that sex was becoming a nightmare I anticipated every night.

My partner was a very sexual man. He wanted it as frequently as possible and at first, that was okay. When the unexplained pain started, I didn’t give it much thought. I believed it might be an infection and would clear. I really never thought to go see a doctor because the rest of the time I was totally fine.

Not enjoyable

Foreplay was not painful. When the time came for penetration however, the burning sensation I experienced was unbearable. The longer the pain continued, the more stressed out I became.

Enjoying sex was out of the question, because, frankly, who would? I was almost always dry. I was tense because I knew what to anticipate. And worst of all, I came to hate the time when my partner wanted me to be in bed with him.

When I told my partner this at the time, he brushed it off as nothing. When the pain continued and lasted more than a year, he convinced me something was wrong with me.

‘Excuses’

He convinced me that I was lacking in sexual drive and I was making up excuses not to have sex. He also told me repeatedly that it was all in my head and I was somehow unstable. I thought that maybe he was right. I was having a reduced desire for sex and thought that was the reason my head was making excuses, translating to physical pain.

I couldn’t stand being with my partner.

Every time we were done having sex, I would rush to the bathroom to run cold water over my burning vagina. It would take hours for the pain to pass.

My partner thought I was trying to clean myself up. He thought that I was trying to wash off any residue left from sex. But all I wanted was to feel relief.

Very common

My partner and I broke up years later for unrelated reasons. It was through Love Matters that I found that pain during sex is not unheard of and not uncommon at all! I wish I had known this earlier. Maybe I would have been more prepared. Maybe I would have known how to talk to my partner. Maybe I would have known what to do and how to talk about it.

I’ve been single for a while now and I have yet to try to have sex. I keep thinking that the pain I felt all those years ago can still happen and I don’t want to put myself in that position ever again.
 

Have you ever experienced pain during sex that lasted a long time? What did you do about it? Tell us on Facebook (Naija and Kenya), or write us below.

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Recent Comments (50)

  1. The problem is with both of
    The problem is with both of them= communication is the problem

    1. Thanks for your input Sammy.
      Thanks for your input Sammy.

  2. I too ave bin experiencing
    I too ave bin experiencing some pain during sex,n I don’t know why,

  3. My dear too much sex makes
    My dear too much sex makes you dry.

  4. my dia sometimes it happenes
    my dia sometimes it happenes coz of the many thoughts one may have, this leads to luck of concentration during sex.

    1. Thanks for your input Shinta.
      Thanks for your input Shinta. We appreciate.

  5. i also do feel the same pain
    i also do feel the same pain and I’m never heard of ,but we are stil together what can i do .

  6. i had also pain plus wounds
    i had also pain plus wounds bt wat i was doing wrongly was:starting up sex without any romance wc made da vergina drie.So i think romance should be fast

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story with us Jessy.

  7. pain during sex may result
    pain during sex may result 4rm various sources lyk hurrying f sex wen de beb is not fully lubricated, possibly she could be having STI,s wic needs her visit de doctor and perhaps de y shd find the styles dat prefferable all partners

    1. Thanks Oyapel,your input is
      Thanks Oyapel,your input is highly appreciated.

  8. it was an interesting story
    it was an interesting story and most of girl alway they experienced pain during sex if for the first with that partner.
    and also it’s had happened with me and my girlfriend for the first time of having sex but now she okay

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your experience with us Peter.

  9. that is infection my wife had
    that is infection my wife had the same
    problem let her speak to a doctor and she will be advised well

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your experience and your advice.

  10. Oh God that’s really strange.
    Oh God that’s really strange….but it might be caused by that frequent sex

    1. Hi Violah, we appreciate your
      Hi Violah, we appreciate your input.

  11. My girlfriend is experiencing
    My girlfriend is experiencing this kind of a problem. How can I help her?

    1. Hi Peter, the best thing
      Hi Peter, the best thing would be to visit a doctor as soon as possible.

  12. It hurt thea iz a tym whn i
    It hurt thea iz a tym whn i and ma wife she experienced alot of pain each tym we had sex i culd bear it xo i stp making,lov to her she alwyz tryed to make mih hav a foreplay en hav sex buh i hated to see her suffer xo i had to stay away fr awhile after 2month we tryed it en was awosome i cosolted a doc en asked him wat de pwoblem was buh he told mih dat i let her be fr a while en try it later on….

    1. Alex, we appreciate you
      Alex, we appreciate you sharing your experience with us.

  13. Experiencing the some but now
    Experiencing the some but now with a bad smell + discharge from the virgina

    1. Hi Kate , you should have
      Hi Kate , you should have that checked out as soon as possible. It could be a sign of a problem.

  14. me she behaves weirdly n now
    me she behaves weirdly n now days she doesn’t evn give me time

    1. Hi Andrew, have you tried to
      Hi Andrew, have you tried to talk to her to find out why?

  15. en hw can smeone overcme t
    en hw can smeone overcme t

  16. But u need to face your fears
    But u need to face your fears ad move on with life. U can’t just hold your life there

    1. Thank you for you
      Thank you for you encouragement and input.

  17. Mmhh…i thnk the best thing
    Mmhh…i thnk the best thing this woman culd hav dne,iz 2 talk to his swthrt ratha than ranning frm the relationshp.

    1. Hi Joah, we appreciate you
      Hi Joah, we appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us.

  18. Sometimes I experience even
    Sometimes I experience even if I am using protection(condom’s)what maybe the reason

  19. I experience the same problem
    I experience the same problem ad I don’t know what the cause could be…..it’s such a torture for me ad am afraid of telling my partner.please help us …

  20. some times its a pelvic
    some times its a pelvic inflammatory disease. so u need to go for check up in case of such pain during sexual intercourse

    1. Thank you Patricia for your
      Thank you Patricia for your input.

  21. prayer is the best instrument
    prayer is the best instrument we can use not jst running away

    1. Thank you for the
      Thank you for the encouragement Suzan.

  22. My beb also complaints over
    My beb also complaints over the same issue…. I think the problem might be over relying of one sex style

  23. I think ts due to dat
    I think ts due to dat frequent sex.ohh ma God

    1. We appreciate your input
      We appreciate your input Apollo.

  24. atimes many think its a
    atimes many think its a infection but dont ask how it alived there.proper body hygiene is paramount.those old sweats may cause bruises inside

    1. Thank you Ras Nuf for your
      Thank you Ras Nuf for your input and participation.

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