Research reveals secrets to a wonderful sex life.
Dewayne Flowers

Research reveals secret to a wonderful sex life

What can you do to improve your sex life? Don’t fixate on longer and more orgasmic sex. There’s a simple strategy that can work wonders, new research shows.

A good sex life and a satisfying relationship go hand in hand. But what exactly makes your sex life good? The media have us believe it’s all about the orgasm. And about having lots of kinky sex for as long as we can.

What makes sex wonderful?

But enjoying sex isn’t only about intercourse. Perhaps good foreplay is what really makes for top-class sex? Or maybe it’s taking the time to cuddle and kiss after intercourse that really matters?

Canadian psychologist Dr Amy Muise had a hunch that cuddles, kisses, and caresses after sex make for more satisfying sex lives and rosier relationships. So she and her team of researchers put the idea to the test.

The team rounded up over 400 couples in two different studies. As usual with this kind of research, the lovers were in for a lot of form-filling. They answered online surveys on how long they spent on foreplay, intercourse and post-sex cuddling. (OK, if you really want to compare, the average was about a quarter of an hour on each, but there were big variations.) And they rated their sex lives by scoring sentences like ‘I think our sex is wonderful’ and ‘our sex life is monotonous’ on a sliding scale.

Curling up and spooning

So was it the starter, the main course or the dessert that made the biggest contribution to a high score on ‘wonderful’? Well, the researchers found their hunch was right. For a satisfying sex life and relationship, quality affection after intercourse is more important than lots of sex, longer sex, or plenty of foreplay.

The kind of affection that works all depends on the couple, Dr Muise told Love Matters. ‘For some people, it might be curling up and spooning. For other people, it might be gazing into each other’s eyes and saying nice things to each other. All of those kinds of things seem to be important.’

Only for girls?

Let’s be honest… isn’t all that lovey-dovey stuff after sex something only girls like? Guys are happy to hop straight out of bed and turn on the TV, aren’t they? Or just roll over and snore? Well, this stereotype is a myth, the study found. Men were also happier with their sex lives and relationships when they spent quality time with their partner after sex. And it’s a two-way street. ‘When one partner thought it was higher quality, the other partner also benefited,’ says Dr Muise.

So if you’re looking for ways to lift your sex life and relationship to a five-star ‘wonderful’ rating, making room for affection is the way to go. Sure, relish lots of tantalising foreplay and steamy intercourse. But then make sure you finish the job properly with plenty of kisses, cuddles and caresses.

‘Be a little less goal-oriented about sex,’ Dr Muise recommends. ‘What might benefit your relationship as much or more is finding that time for shared intimacy.’

Source: Post Sex Affectionate Exchanges Promote Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction, Amy Muise, Elaine Giang, Emily A. Impett, and interview with Dr Amy Muise

Fifteen minutes each on foreplay, intercourse and post-sex cuddling – does that match your sex life? Leave a comment below or on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (26)

  1. kisumu lv sex kwa sababu ya
    kisumu lv sex kwa sababu ya choto mwigi

  2. hello: Y do I feel so sleepy
    hello: Y do I feel so sleepy n weak after sex

    1. Toni,

      because your body needs time to recover. That’s totally normal, and nothing to worry about.

  3. we love kissing and hugging
    we love kissing and hugging after makinglove

    1. That’s great, Miley!
      That’s great, Miley!

  4. i love kissing and cuddling
    i love kissing and cuddling but he does nt!

    1. Oh no! Have you asked him why
      Oh no! Have you asked him why? Maybe you can reach a compromise!

  5. Can get a man to out do my ex
    Can get a man to out do my ex he was extremely good in bed what can I do about it?????????

    1. Liz,

      sex is about communication. Don’t expect a man to know what to do if you don’t tell him what to do. You were lucky with your ex, but every partner is different. So even for you, it might be a good idea to talk to your partner and find out what he likes and dislikes. What rocks one person’s boat leaves the other one bored…

    1. Da flam,

      Da flam,
      it’s the build-up to sex.
      Kissing, cuddling, stroking each other, getting aroused, etc.
      Foreplay feels great, but it’s especially important for women, because they need to get wet in order to have painless sex.

  6. I have neva had sex before bt
    I have neva had sex before bt due to xx watch I do jerk alot,wil this affect my love n sex live?

    1. Muraga, masturbation is a
      Muraga, masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sex life, especially if you currently don’t have a partner.
      It might take a while to get used to sex as opposed to masturbation, but with a bit of practice you should be just fine.

  7. Can fear cause pre mature
    Can fear cause pre mature ejeculation

    1. Yes, it could. What are you
      Yes, it could. What are you afraid of, Harrison?

  8. Am in a relationship but my
    Am in a relationship but my girl doesn’t want kisses and cuddling she just want to get to sex directly which i find it difficult to handle can you help me please.

    1. Nicholas,

      have you talked to her about this? Sex should be about both your enjoyment, so you might want to talk to her and the two of you should try to find something that both of you find enjoyable.

  9. How long can a man last ontop
    How long can a man last ontop of a woman pples

    1. Parker,

      the position doesn’t really determine how long someone lasts, even though deeper position tend to stimulate men more. Generally, men will last between 5 and 15 minutes during intercourse, but longer is also possible, depending on what is going on.

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