Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

A problem called impatience

Hi! I am a female who has a problem having orgasms. Sometimes I just fake it because I feel like I am taking too long. Please advise…

Woman, you don’t ‘have a problem of having orgasms‘. You have a simple problem called impatience. I am not clear what ‘I am taking too long’ means. Twenty minutes or three hours? I wish you were more specific.

I find it interesting that women’s ‘good manners’ even extend to sex and our orgasms. Never in all the years that I have been writing about sex has a man said ‘Valentine, I want to learn to ejaculate faster because I feel I am taking too long.’ Your pleasure and your orgasm are not only important to you but also to your partner and the relationship in general.

It takes your body as long as it takes your body to have an orgasm. There is no right or wrong here. Some women take five minutes and others take 45. The average woman needs about 20 minutes of foreplay before she is ready for penetrative sex. A lot of women never have orgasms from intercourse. Instead manual manipulation of the clitoris or oral sex is what works best.

How about playing a game with your partner where you delay intercourse for as long as possible? You could kiss, touch and tease each other for as long as is bearable, before you have intercourse. You could also just suggest that he gets you to orgasm before penetration.

Some women take a long time to get the first orgasm. Others have an easy time with the first but then the second is more elusive. Simply put, everyone is different.

Instead of spending time calling your body ‘wrong’, perhaps you should just relax and try to enjoy sex and the discovery of what your body likes. Some days the orgasm will come quicker than others, and some days it may not show up. Regardless, faking it will only teach your partner that certain things work for you when you know that they don’t, and he will keep doing them. Thinking of your body as defective will only hinder your enjoyment of sex, so work on accepting what God gave you.

Did you ever consider your orgasm as ‘too slow’? How did you make it ‘just right’. Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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