Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Signs of a cheating boyfriend

How do I know if my boyfriend is cheating on me? Valentine answers with the top 10 signs – but mere signs can never reveal the truth.

Clueless

If only I knew, then I would have spared myself so much heartache in my early twenties when the love of my life (at the time) was unfaithful to me. And I had no clue for an entire year.

This is one of those million dollar questions. The truth is: you cannot. We have all been cheated on and the reason we couldn’t tell is that someone who knew us well decided to deceive us.

Signs

There are some signs but the truth is you will only know for sure if you catch your man in the act. But by then, it’s too late and your heart will be shred into pieces. But regardless, here are some signs:

  1. He takes or makes phone calls in private – if this behaviour is new or has increased in frequency then something can be up.
     
  2. He deletes the text conversations on his phone.
     
  3. Missing money. Who is he spending it on?
     
  4. He avoids family, friends, and/or social events. A cheating man may be embarrassed and have a harder time facing people who love and respect you. He may avoid these functions altogether, or he may arrive late and leave early claiming some work project that needs his attention.
     
  5. He suddenly spends a lot of time with another person and keeps mentioning that person.
     
  6. He smells different and dresses differently
     
  7. He accuses you of cheating. Your partner’s accusation may be spawned by his own guilt and him thinking: ‘If I am getting away with this, then what is she up to?’
     
  8. He picks fights. Can I tell you what my cheating friends all have in common? They pick fights before dates with their side-dishes. It will be a stupid fight and he will overreact and then give you the silent treatment.
     
  9. Believe it or not, cheaters feel guilty about their actions and a lot of the time they do not want to hurt you. So a fight helps them justify their infidelity. Is he hoping for a fight then a disappearance? Don’t let it happen: be nice, affectionate and stick to him like glue.
     
  10. He criticises you. He is actually comparing you to his new beau and I am sorry but you will be failing.
     
  11. He’s extremely angry or has other inexplicable changes in attitude. Are you suddenly the genesis of all that is wrong with his life? Do you embody all his failings?


Remember: signs can never tell the whole truth. But have you noticed any signs in an ex-partner who turned out to be cheating on you? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.

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Recent Comments (144)

    1. Hi Rael, we hope you are not
      Hi Rael, we hope you are not speaking from experience…

        1. Hi there, 

          Thank you for…

          Hi there, 

          Thank you for your contribution. 

    2. TRUE FEATURES I HAVE ALSO…
      TRUE FEATURES I HAVE ALSO EXPERIENCED SUCH WITH MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND

      1. Hi Vivian, 

        So sorry. How…

        Hi Vivian, 

        So sorry. How do you plan to deal with this? 

  1. Yeah,that of accusing mi of
    Yeah,that of accusing mi of cheating

    1. Thanks for your input, Ann.
      Thanks for your input, Ann.

    1. Hi Tonia,

      Hi Tonia,
      we hope you are not speaking from experience.

    1. Hi Shane,

      Hi Shane,
      have you gone through something like this before?

      1. My hubby has cheated on me a…
        My hubby has cheated on me a million times,he could even go to an extent of when I leave for a night shift Job he would leave my kids alone and go out,he would come back before I arrive From work until one day I found a video of him with his mistress in bed, since I don’t even know how to deal with even My own life cz it feels empty ?

        1. Hi Eve, 

          I am so sorry for…

          Hi Eve, 

          I am so sorry for what you are going through. Cheating is one of the most painful things in a relationship. Your husband seems to have made a decision to cheat on you since it has happened many times. In addition, his act of leaving the children unattended is selfish and demonstrates a lack of care. At this point, it is for you to decide whether you want to stay with a cheater or want to live separately. Your husband can change but only if he makes the decision: This is problematic since you should not sit and wait for when he decides to do right by you. In the end, decide what situation is best for you! Think about what’s best for you. Sending you best wishes!

    1. Hi Becky,

      Hi Becky,
      do you know from experience? We hope not…

      1. Hi Khadilupez, thank you for…

        Hi Khadilupez, thank you for your input.

    1. Hi Fatima,

      Hi Fatima,
      are you speaking from experience? We hope not!

    1. Hi Alice,

      Hi Alice,
      we hope you haven’t gone through something like this before…

  2. Plain truth..dats all reality
    Plain truth..dats all reality

    1. Hi Lameky,

      Hi Lameky,
      I hope you haven’t had to deal with a cheating partner in the past…

  3. Plain truth..dats all reality
    Plain truth..dats all reality

    1. Hi Hashim,

      Hi Hashim,
      could you share some other truths with us? We are curious 🙂

  4. He does not take u to his
    He does not take u to his home .

  5. He does not take u to his
    He does not take u to his home .

    1. Hi Shifa,

      Hi Shifa,
      yep, that’s another sign! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Hi Susan,

      Hi Susan,
      I hope you don’t speak from experience!

    1. Hi Shiku, have you gone
      Hi Shiku, have you gone through something like this?

    1. We hope you are not speaking
      We hope you are not speaking from experience!

  6. The silent treatment is so
    The silent treatment is so painful.

  7. I av experienced one whea byy
    I av experienced one whea byy my boyfriend my kols aekept busy nyt tyyme n i kam to know tat he his married but he clams tat is not is fault tat te gily forced him to do so n say he stillloves mi despite tat since then am confused coz i lov tat guy very much plz help mi aqm so disturbed coz any man coms near mi is like nothing coz one wins my hrt wll i give anythor chance?

    1. Hi Liz,

      Hi Liz,
      even if you give him another chance, he will still be married. And if that is something you are willing to put up with is up to you. But we suggest you really think about what you are doing, and what the consequences could be.

  8. this is pure misguidance,the
    this is pure misguidance,the only most correct part is when the change of attitude and when they start accusing u of cheating on them,insecurity is a riplica of what you do in tht u also get afraid tht ua partner is doing the same thing to u n gets awy with it just like you do,when a man is cheating on u,he actually becomes extra nice so tht u will nevr notice when it happens,some people delite txts not because they have anything to hide..i think the others are for the 1960s generation of men

    1. Hi Justus,

      Hi Justus,
      you make a great point. And indeed, being super nice can be a sign of a guilty partner.

  9. this is exactly wot i
    this is exactly wot i experienced

  10. I knw of sm1 who cheats on
    I knw of sm1 who cheats on his galfrnd but neva show any of this…if its the issue of money,its all accounted 4,he neva make those secret calls .infact the lady thinks tht she has the most faithful man on earth.wot do we say of tht??

    1. Hi Nancy,

      Hi Nancy,
      maybe he is looking for something he doesn’t get in his relationship?

  11. Hi. Mine husband cheated on
    Hi. Mine husband cheated on me n ever since i do not love him anymore n i have no feeling for him again. Is it going to work out again? Or wat shud i do coz we r still together

    1. Hi BBM,

      Hi BBM,
      you need to talk to your husband.
      You need to find out if you are both still interested into investing into your relationship. If you both aren’t, then you need to see how you want to take it from there. If you both are, then you need to talk about how you can start to learn to trust and love each other again. This will be a pretty painful and long process, most likely, so you both need to be sure to want this. Communication is the most important aspect to this, and you will need to do lots of talking!

  12. Hi, my ex cheating on me and
    Hi, my ex cheating on me and apparently i found out. He’s still seeing the girl but claims that he doesn’t love her. What I need from him is a confession that he truly cheated since he has been denying it all along. I also have mixed feelings about taking him back. What’s your take on that?

  13. Hi, my ex cheated on me and
    Hi, my ex cheated on me and apparently i found out. He’s still seeing the girl but claims that he doesn’t love her. What I need from him is a confession that he truly cheated since he has been denying it all along. I also have mixed feelings about taking him back. What’s your take on that?

    1. Hi Purity,

      Hi Purity,
      this is entirely your decision. You can never be sure he really cheated unless he admits it. How do you know? And if he did cheat, do you think you can trust him again? Take some time to think it through, and figure out what you want out of a relationship, and if he can give this to you. All the best!

  14. Wat? this is true cz ma bf hs
    Wat? this is true cz ma bf hs startd accusin me of bein chasd by some dudes which aint true.Av bn faithful to him bt av realisd hez lovin other ladies.Too sad i am.

    1. Hi Kate,

      Hi Kate,
      he could just be insecure. Talk to him, find out what’s going on!

    1. We hope you are not speaking
      We hope you are not speaking from experience, Patriciah.

  15. Its true and heartbreak can
    Its true and heartbreak can kill.

    1. Hi Leah,

      Hi Leah,
      a broken heart is indeed a very bad thing. But there are many things you can do to get over it!

  16. i bliv if someone cheats on u
    i bliv if someone cheats on u…..u should jst let them go coz if they do it they will do it again

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Marya!

  17. am suspecting my girl coz she
    am suspecting my girl coz she receives her calls n speaks in her mothertongue for more than 30mins, could it b true?

    1. Hi Chrissphine,

      Hi Chrissphine,
      have you talked to her? It could have been a friend or family member.

  18. I once cheated on bf because
    I once cheated on bf because his unfair attitudes towards me and now he has find out about it and i apologize to him which he accepted and confess that he also cheated on me that we should forgive each other things are really moving fine but my mind is telling me that he melt be cheating on me thou i have not seen such in his attitudes.what will I do

    1. Chreish,

      Chreish,
      it doesn’t sound like your relationship is based on good communication and trust. Work on that, and take it from there!

  19. i have a bf nd whom i love so
    i have a bf nd whom i love so much bt he’s so insecure

    1. Hi Martha,

      Hi Martha,
      have you asked him why he is insecure? Has he had bad experiences in the past?

  20. Yeah Thats True, Had guys wit
    Yeah Thats True, Had guys wit those behaviours till now am afraid of loving someone. They pretend they are good buh when given the chance they are totally different humans. sucks!

  21. and viceversa.coz my ex lady
    and viceversa.coz my ex lady used to define for me
    the time to call her.infact at atime she cud even pick my call bt with conditions that i be brief and precise or she cud not allow me to meet with her family members.and this made her boot me n gt hooked to some1 who later also abandoned her.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story, Henry!

    1. Glad to hear you agree!
      Glad to hear you agree!

  22. It’s True i got cheated,From
    It’s True i got cheated,From there my heart died of Reapproaching any Girl asking fo marriage.

    1. Ken,

      Ken,
      so sorry! But please don’t think all women will cheat on you

  23. yah.its true..hi,my ex keeps
    yah.its true..hi,my ex keeps on mentioning my name wenever he z with da current gf who z my frd..wat may be wrong..

    1. Prona,

      Prona,
      mention as in talk about you?

  24. I have a girl friend whom
    I have a girl friend whom really love so much but am not sure whether she loves but she insists that she do but am suspecting her please help on this

    1. Hi Lemi, what is it that you
      Hi Lemi, what is it that you suspect her of and why do you feel she does not love you?

  25. I have bf nd I love him so
    I have bf nd I love him so much but he distance his friends nd fam…He don’t care nd also gv me silent treatment.

    1. Yes my husband has cheated on
      Yes my husband has cheated on me for three years and don’t know what to do

      1. Hi Sony, sorry to hear that.
        Hi Sony, sorry to hear that. You need to take time and think about what you want.

      2. You can continue to be with
        You can continue to be with him n risk being infected with HIV

    2. I’Yem, have you tried to talk
      I’Yem, have you tried to talk to him about it?

  26. My husband flirts with a
    My husband flirts with a number of women in his whatsap, and that includes his ex. They even exchange under garments pics.i’ve really tried talking to him but it seems that he is not going to change. I’m hurting so much, becoz i love him

    1. Hi Sengeh, sorry that you are
      Hi Sengeh, sorry that you are going through this. Flirting is dangerous because it might lead to cheating. You should really think about showing your husband what he’s doing is detrimental to your relationship. Try explain how it makes you feel or how it affects the relationship.

  27. Had an ex-partner who got
    Had an ex-partner who got very “busy” after sometime..Did not have the evidence but these points make me look back and realize that I was blind to the truth. Wont be happening gain. Thanks.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story with us Terry.

  28. Yap thats true.av seen those
    Yap thats true.av seen those sings n i guess thea is no other choice but to let go and move on

    1. Thanks for your input Zubeyda
      Thanks for your input Zubeyda. Sorry that you are going through this.

  29. My boyfriend tells me he
    My boyfriend tells me he loves me but at the same time says he doesn’t trust me fully. Its barely 2 months since we started dating and he has saved me with my name. While he has saved his ex as ‘me amor’ what could this be?

    1. Hi Sandy,

      Hi Sandy,

      This could be difficult to hear but he might still be hang on his ex. If you feel the relationship is not working for you, take time and think about what you want.

  30. a got ma bf redhanded in bed
    a got ma bf redhanded in bed wid a lady after a lon period of suspect,we hav 1 child of 3yrs bt we broke up cz a dnt trst him,he keeps folowin me n tels his frnds of hw much he stils lvs me..ge even cries in public for my luv..i lst interest in hm pliz advise on hw to turn him off..im vry sure of ma feelings.

    1. Hi Elkim, you don’t have to
      Hi Elkim, you don’t have to do anything but move on with your life. Its up to him to come to the realization that you are no longer going to be together.

  31. i av a guy wu z xo bc,whch i
    i av a guy wu z xo bc,whch i no of,he neva seize calln or textin despite his schedule bt nw he doesnt even msg me,respond 2 ma msgs or pick ma calls nd if he do,he wu claim nt seein d missd call,am realy troubled,though i trust him bt his work involve ladies,even more beautiful dan i am,i dunno wah 2 do anymor,i nid help cos am loosin it already…….

    1. Just trust ur boyfriend. He
      Just trust ur boyfriend. He will no cheat on u in return

      1. Thanks for your input Victor.
        Thanks for your input Victor.

  32. I have a girl who was my
    I have a girl who was my girlfriend but recently she said she wants to be friends first to build our friendship. But all this happened after her ex came back to the picture. she is becoming really close all the while i’m left on the sidelines…
    should I be worried?

    1. Hi Barack have you shared
      Hi Barack have you shared this with her and how it makes you feel? Talk to her and express yourself. Hopefully by the end of it you will have a way forward.

  33. hello, ive been with mi guy
    hello, ive been with mi guy for almost eight years,i met him in 2009 wen i was stil in o level by that tym i got preg and dropped out ov school and i suffered alot taking care ov da preg and then baby for four years and now hes at compus finishing his burhetlours in electrical engineering, last year we started living in the same house bt hez ever chating with his exz on fb and hez got alot ov different açounts it hurts me alot and pliz help me out to overcome this, wat can i do?

    1. b aware mens
      are very many

      b aware mens
      are very many

      1. Thanks for your input Marwan.
        Thanks for your input Marwan.

    2. Have you expressed to him how
      Have you expressed to him how you feel about it?

  34. What does it mean when u ask
    What does it mean when u ask a lady for sex then tells u i have no vagina,,,,but finally gives u
    its scaring

    1. HI Ismail, that sounds more
      HI Ismail, that sounds more like a joke. What are you scared about?

      1. Am Marride And I Sleep With
        Am Marride And I Sleep With My Wife Bt She Want Sex 2be Done Atleast 3times Only Per Month Wc Is Not Good 4me And I Cant Wait It. What Is The Solution ?Coz Sometimes Ido It By Force.

  35. Ma bf is so insecure,infact
    Ma bf is so insecure,infact if by any chance I don’t take his call he insult me n accuse me of cheating,av bin faithful to him but recently I got a guy hu treats me far much beta than him,,,I want to end the first rship,,,how shud I do it

  36. I have being with my girls
    I have being with my girls for 6yrs and we have a daughter, but last month I suspected she’s cheating on me,and I started turning he’s phone to record calls, n i found she was cheating on me,bt she refuses to say yes,every tym I remember those words hurt me so much?

    1. Sorry that you are going
      Sorry that you are going through this Freddie and thank you for sharing your story with us.

  37. He kept accusing me of…
    He kept accusing me of cheating on him

    1. Hey Wanja, this is one for…

      Hey Wanja, this is one for the signs of a cheating boyfriend. It may also be that he was insecure. Thank you for sharing though.

    1. Thank you for the feedback…

      Thank you for the feedback Elizabeth.

  38. That’s true,I have seen that…
    That’s true,I have seen that with my guy

    1. Hey Kanini, have you talked…

      Hey Kanini, have you talked with your guy about what you have observed?

    1. Thank you for the feedback…

      Thank you for the feedback Rachael.

  39. Accusing me of cheating on…
    Accusing me of cheating on him

    1. Hi Anonymous, for you that…

      Hi Anonymous, for you that is a sign?

  40. I’ve been accused of…
    I’ve been accused of cheating for chatting with my friends.

    1. Hi Liz, is talking to your…

      Hi Liz, is talking to your friends a bad thing?

  41. Yap is like all the ten he…
    Yap is like all the ten he is duing eight of that.

  42. Hi Bernice, thank you for…

    Hi Bernice, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. What do you feel you want to do?

  43. I think boyfriend is…
    I think boyfriend is cheating on me

    1. Hi Alicia, thank you for…

      Hi Alicia, thank you for reaching out to us. So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. Be honest with them about your suspicions and your feelings along with your fears. I know this can be scary to bring it up but try to just tell them why you suspect something is wrong and not just accuse them a cheater. Generally, if we hold on to our thoughts you might take things the wrong way believe something without knowing if it is real or not.

  44. Interested but I can’t do it
    Interested but I can’t do it

    1. Hi Jessy, 

      Are you…

      Hi Jessy, 

      Are you interested in cheating? We are happy to talk to you about whatever you are interested in. 

  45. yes its true, and how can…
    yes its true, and how can one control his preasure after realising the partner {wife} is cheating on her husband, this my mail [email protected]

    1. Hi Wicklife, 

      Do you mean…

      Hi Wicklife, 

      Do you mean blood pressure? Also, is it that your partner is cheating on you? Kindly provide more information so that we can assist. 

    1. Thank you for engaging with…

      Thank you for engaging with us Dory!

    1. Well, good morning too Wendy…

      Well, good morning too Wendy!

      What has made you come to the conclusion that men are trash?

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