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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Comments
hi,i am dating a guy for 3yrs,and we love eachorda very wel,bt my mother dislike him,so i decide to breakup wit him and date anoda guy bt my feeling 4 im ix still strong.pls advice me
I allow him touch me be4. He asked me out but he is nt persistan abt it but he calls nt too much do u think he loves me infact how do you no someone is in love of you
I av bin interested to particular queen bt whenever I direct mi feelings to her, she desrgard.Plz advise what 2 do coz I really need her.
Hi Calvo, Its not all the time that people you are interested in are also interested in you. Check out this article to learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/dealing-with-rejection
i hv a b.f dat we've been dating over two years naw but unfortunately we lost contact on us getting to meet each other again we hv to start where we stop but if he invite me to his place he has two wardrope on for d gal he's dating be4 we meet back if i should ask him who owe's d cloths nd shoes he will say his is galfrnd nd i will as him who i am he will say am his galfrnd to but at tyms he try to avoid me anytime d gal is around if i go 4 visit i will hv to leave d next day but if is dat gal two days nd smtimes 1week but he keep telling me dat i cant understand dat all he knw is dat he love's me so much nd i luv him too,plss wat can i do
Hi Annabel. Its sounds as though your partner has another girlfriend. You need to have a talk with him about it in order to know whether he wants to pursue a single relationship like you. If not then you need to make a choice about what you want for yourself.
I met a guy 4yrs ago and we are still in a relationship but he have stop caring for me since we made love. He doesn't like staying with me unless i tricked he with a promise of having sex with he. We talked about getting married but now he is telling me that he's parents said that he give his self time and i don't have that time .he always introduce me to his friends but not his family. He only act like he cares when he feels or knows that someone is asking me out infact he do feel jealous,i feel like he is not ready for marriage but need me for sex. So now i have decided not to have sex with he. In fact now i don't really love him again but I'm pretending to love he because I want revenge. The way he makes me to cry and wait for him i want he to surfer that way too. I'm mine really over he or I'm suppressing the love in form of revenge or what. Please i need your advice seriously. Thanks
Hi Smarty, You need to realize that revenge is a double edged sword and as much as you want to hurt him you might end up hurting yourself. Take time to think about what you really want. It might be easier just to end the relationship and move on.
Judith ella
Fri, 12/30/2016 - 18:00
There dis guy I meet online, He said he likes me nd would lyk to see me in person.he gave me his contact.I call him almost everyday but he don't call as I do, except on my bd DAT he text nd called me,i av asked him if am a disturbance to him he said no his comfortable wit my calls dat he feels bad when i dont call him.he lyks me telling him I luv him, but his reply will be bless me .de other day he asked me de kind of luv I have for him I told him agape luv he didn't say anytin.Am confused wat should I do pls I need ur advice.
Am a married woman,nd my husband is my first love our daughter is just 4yrs+ ,my husband never remember to send me a birthday messages,is possible for me to fall in love with another man
Therz agal am interested in but weneva i tel her dat i lov her, she jst smiles nd go away.I feel lyk shez da only gal i cn lov.Pse giv me da easier way to make her kno hw i feel abt her thx
Hi Marshal, Its not always that people will always accept our requests. Sometimes a girl can say no or just play hard to get just to test our will. Check out this article to learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/dealing-with-rejection . https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/expressing-emotion .
hy am madly in love with diz gal but her sister doesn't wana c her tok to me even on fone some times she escapes to meet me but when she gets home her sis blows her with words noe I don't know if one day she wakes up and give up on me coz of her sis pliz advice
pls i need ur advice, i add an emergency message to delivered to my gud but when i call him he refused to pick up the call about twice, so i decided not to call again incease he was busy so about 5min.time he call me back,so i asked him if it was a crime 4 him 2 pick my call, be4 i deliver the message 2him,about 7pm in evening he calls me back he was angry with me and be asking me while i should address him in such manner,i was confused becos we' ve not been in a fight or guarrel,i told him that it was a yoke, i told him that i am sorry about it since then he refused to cal my line and recieved me the way he used to, ve tired to talk to him he refused to listen pls advice me.
Hi Destiny, It sounds as though your partner is angry about how you communicated. Its ok and normal to have fights in relationships. The most important thing is to always solve the issues that arise. Give it time and when he is ready to talk you can try to resolve the issue. All the best to both of you.
Hi.am 36 yrs.i met this guy on internet n he was fun.we mhad a date n planning fr marriage but the problem wth him is tht he never calls me.i call him everytime n he says he is just busy.sometimes he never picks my called.am worried about this relationship whenever i tell him so he says hes cool am the one restless n he kept his word we will get married.am scared fr ths relationship.what do i do?
Zlatan Ibraq
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 22:02
I hav agf whm i meet on fb.its nw one year in love. bt my frndz am vry scared coz whenevr we gt mis undrstndngz,in stead ov gtng annyd lyk othr pple,4 ha she jst telz mi dat Ibra i hv left ela i dnt hv dat tym 2 love.en then afta,we sort our selvz. bt 4 mi i love ha vry mch. so ma frndz,does she realy lovez mi wiz such areaction
I have a bf but he told me that he chucked me for good, he told that he got another gf with good behaviors but I love him so much his on ma heart. Whenever I kol him he just tel I stop that he caught me three times ,I have bagged for exsue but has refused ,he posts only the comments which hrts me.wat can I do coz love him??
Hi Shafa, Sorry about the break up. The truth is if you continue pursuing this it will cause nothing but more pain. Sometimes the best option is to let go no matter how much e love and want something. Read more here on how you can do it https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .
I've two guys am so confuse the one that Loves me more I don't know what to do. And it makes me feel so bad each time am with one of them thinking am cheating on the other guy. I don't know what to do.
Hi Vera, The fact that you feel guilty is because you are cheating on them. You need to take time and decide what it is that you want and make a decision. You have the power to change how things are all you need to do is make a choice. All the best to you.
Hi love, I and ma bf were chattin and he said I shud send him ma naked pix but I refused and e make it clear to me dat day. Dat he wil neva talk to me on sex or av sex with me, I tried to make him understand d reasons for ma ans bt all effort prove abbortive and e said e want a relationship without sex but he would had sex outside and if e ever ask me of sex, God shud take him, so I was angry and sad at d same time, so I break up with him dat day and I told him dat it s beta to break up with him rada dan God shud take him cos of nude pix, bt seriously I luv him nt I've been able to avoid me and recently he called me, I tried avoidin his calls bt later pick it up and always asking me y I dnt call? Bt I want to avoid him to get over d feelibgs for him, wat shud I do?, av I made a mistake of breaking up with him? Really confused
Project Nigga
Tue, 01/24/2017 - 16:32
I'v a girl that works close to me, she loves my presence if I went to somwhere she often my shop and ask my where abt I never had it in mind to date her cuz am skulin but the affection is 2 mch so I decide to advance.. So as she notice I'm falling she started showin less care she no longer com look in for me any more often so I started gettin angry now she's pikin offence of any thing I say (insultive) pls help
Hi it normal for girls to send mixed signals like that when they have an interest to a particular thing. You do not need to be angry at her, instead do nice things for her and try to win her heart like a gentleman. Hopefully if she's genuine interested you two will be in a relationship. All the best to you.
hey,love is like electricity,comes on and went off,she cometh to realise that the money you were cathering for her now much has started going to your school fee so that is why she has started showing you such kind of behavier,drop her that one is extravagant on your material.
mutazirona
Tue, 01/24/2017 - 22:07
hey love.my gf every time we get a misunderstanding she only say that we break up bt after few hours she start to call ,text and bip mi frequently and when pick or call she only say that i wanted only to greet you.forsure i love her.wt should i do.
hey,sometime love does not have boundaries,the way you treats her sesms to be good upon her so even you've misunderstanding,she recalls back your goodness and tries let you back to your normal senses....continuo with her plz.
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