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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Comments
Am in a relationship,am pursuing my degree at ku,the guy reached form four.when we started the rlsp I had no problem with dat but after sharing out with my frnds they told me am making a wrong decision,because a man is the one supposed to be at a higher level both educationally and financially....this has instill fears in me I don't know what to do...pliz advise.thanks in advance.
Hi Gift, its good to sort out opinions from other people, but at the end of the day there is no one better to decide about what you want than yourself. Take time and think about it way the pros and cons and then decide depending on what you feel is right for you.All the best.
I hav a grl whom we chat we talk daily on a phone ..we havent seen each other before ..but we talk daily.when i talk to her she responds but we hav not seen each othr ..our relationship is now 5month ..how wil i do to know she loves me if even whn she is far
I have been in a rltshp with a gal for sometime then she left me for another guy later they parted. Recently she came to greet me where I live and to best of my thoughts she still loves me. Should I accept her back as a marriage partner advice me on this
Hi Augustus, That is a very difficult question to answer since you are the only one who can answer it. Do you feel like you can be able to forgive her and trust her again? Do you feel like you will be able to resolve your past issues and move past them? These are some of the questions you should be asking yourself as they will help you answer your question.
Hey i have dated aguy for three weeks and i have already had sex with him do u think he could have taken it in awrong way maybe it was too quick coz i see him having less tym for me these days
I had a reletionship with a lady 4two yrs i used to give her gifts de last time i gave a smartphone later on she started disconnet our relationship slow by slowly.wat should i do such prson lke dat
Hi Ismail, What do you mean by disconnecting your relationship? You should have a talk with her and seek to find out why she has changed. If she is still interested in the relationship like you are you will find a way of sorting your issues. But if she is no longer interested it might be time to move on.
KIRUNGI GERALD
Wed, 09/28/2016 - 22:37
I have a girlfriend whom I love so much en she 2 loves me,but her problem is,whenever I don't pick her calls she quarrels so much she tells me that may be am tired of her, what should I do?
I developed feelings for girl n she is so beautiful n promising lady.I approached her I told that I love her so much.She accepted bt I never felt surtified.I kept on asking her if she really love. She told mbu she is having a boy friend and she also love me so much. So wht should I do
Hi! I have dating a gal for the last three,our agreement was that we get down to marriage by 2018,of late she tricked me that she's committed that she can make to come over, coincidentally I found out that she were cheating on me.to prove my curiosity I made a sup visit to her bh we didn't meet,am in dilema,what do I do??
Hi Mathews, Sorry that you are going through this. Cheating is a very painful experience to go through. Check out this article to learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/news/cheating-top-five-facts .
Good evening, have been in a marriage for 5yrs but my wife is more interested in money, for example if I get she really concentrates on me, but without she keeps quarreling me but she is faithful, personally I want to divorce her and look for another lady to marry Dan (me)
Omar kazungu
Thu, 10/27/2016 - 06:41
I got married 3yrs back n we hav a baby with my wife bt i came to realized she is not trustworthy becoz she was groovin with a school drop out guy n i hav the proof with me wat shall i do?... To 4give n 4get? Or wat shall i do coz i still lov my wife n also my son... Advice me
Hi Omar, This is a difficult position to be in. You need to take time and think about what you would want to do. If you decide to forgive, you need to know that you would have to sort this issue out before you can move on, otherwise the issue will always be there. Check out this article to learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/cheating .
Joyce Taproser
Mon, 11/14/2016 - 18:37
Hi, i am 26yrs of age and fall in love with this guy aged 29, he was great for the first 9months but things changed and he now never pick calls, hard to reply back my texts and at times claims to have no credit, i sometimes send credit but he doesnt change, am confused and i had loved him with all my heart......i cant love any other man.....what can i do?????
Hi Joyce, Sorry for what you are going through. Its hard to hear this but it sounds as though he's no longer interested with the relationship. You need to make a choice whether you will stay on and continue getting this treatment or move on with you life. You can always love again in the future its very possible. The fact that you think you cannot is because you are hurting at the moment. Take time and make a decision.
I've been in a relationship wit a guy for almost three years. We both love eachoda so much buh we turn to fight a lot ova unnecessary things. I'm really not hapi wit it. What do I do pls?
Hi Alex, That can be a very disappointing position to be in. A relationship can only work if your partner cares about you. Check out this article to find out more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/love-and-relationships .
Hi Bank, When one is in a relationship its between two people. Getting other peoples approvals especially your parents is a bonus but it does not always happen. Take time to know about your partner and hopefully if it works about your parent might approve of it.
I HV ma boyfriend we luv ourselves somuch BT we kip on quarreling everiting n I don't like it .....BT hi loves mi....wats DAT really?????
My hubby have 3children from different girl after married to him ,I have two children but still seduced my assistant at home and shop.what should I do coz am already fire 5workets
Hi Tito, That is a difficult question to answer since you are the only one who can decide on what you want to do. Sorry that you are going through this. Check out this article to get some insight https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/cheating .
i've a guy we been in dated 4 4yr any time i make a call with my frnd he will be angry n also stop calling my line,oneday when i when through his phone i saw lv text message which he sent to my cousin when i ask him he told me that his frnd that snt the txt,i asked him why did ur name appear on the txt he didn't say anything till today what should i do pls i need ur advice.
Hi Destiny, Trust is a very important aspect in any relationship. One question you need to ask your self is, do you trust him? and if you don't do you think you can trust him again. Think about this then make a choice about what you want to do.
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