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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Did you learn something new?

Sun, 12/20/2015 - 08:55 am
I have been in 4 r/ships n have never had sex with any of the four gals.I am 21 and most of my friends see me as lucky because I can easily convince ladies though I usually lose interest for sex with time what can I do.I fear if I have sex I will be addicted to
Almartine not having sex especially when you are in arelationship simply mean you are not ready for it and that normal. Addiction does not come easily and its rare for one to get addicted just because they started having sex. Sex is involving physically mentally and emotionally and until you feel you are ready for all that ,you need to keep on abstaining and not because you fear getting addicted.
Said m.k
Thu, 12/24/2015 - 06:55 am
Hi am a student and i fall in love with a lady who live in America she interested all my stories but never love stories. when i start showing my love she dont say no but remain silence. would i leave her?
Wed, 01/13/2016 - 10:55 pm
I have a guy whom we have dated for 1 yr he tells me that he enjoys having sex with me and when I ask him abut marriage he says he \won't promise me abut it since he is not 100/ sure ant it bt he would lyk to have a kid with and take care of the kid in future even if we will not necessarily help
Hi Mwikali, Marriage is a serious commitment and most people like taking time with that kind of decision. You need to find out what it is he's not sure about and why he would want to have a child outside wedlock. These information will help you get to know where you stand with him and what direction the relationship can take. Sometime its also good to think about what you want and then see if it aligns with what you have currently.
mary maina
Wed, 01/13/2016 - 11:07 pm
Have dated a guy for one year he says that he enjoys having sex with me and he wants me to b with him many times thou he does not promise me abut marriage in future bt he tells me dat he wud lyk to have a kid with me in future and take care of dat kid 's financial need ad b the for the kid when need be .pliz advice me on this situation
Hi Mary, thanks for writing to us. It would be very important for both you and him to define the kind of relationship you have. This will help you know where you stand with him. You might also want to talk to him about what kind of future he wants you two to have. All these will help to inform you if that is the relationship you want to be in or if you want something different.
Tue, 02/23/2016 - 01:37 pm
my boyfriend says he will never trust any woman,he's also poor in communication,will this rshp take us smwhere pls help.
My dear, Mark the word any woman.... Meaning that your are not excluded in the statement since you are among those women. So if you're in that relationship, take a big caution. That man is not romantic at all.
Am in a relationship,am pursuing my degree at ku,the guy reached form four.when we started the rlsp I had no problem with dat but after sharing out with my frnds they told me am making a wrong decision,because a man is the one supposed to be at a higher level both educationally and financially....this has instill fears in me I don't know what to do...pliz advise.thanks in advance.
Hi Gift, its good to sort out opinions from other people, but at the end of the day there is no one better to decide about what you want than yourself. Take time and think about it way the pros and cons and then decide depending on what you feel is right for you.All the best.
Sat, 08/27/2016 - 02:00 pm
I hav a grl whom we chat we talk daily on a phone ..we havent seen each other before ..but we talk daily.when i talk to her she responds but we hav not seen each othr ..our relationship is now 5month wil i do to know she loves me if even whn she is far
Sat, 09/17/2016 - 03:29 pm
I have been in a rltshp with a gal for sometime then she left me for another guy later they parted. Recently she came to greet me where I live and to best of my thoughts she still loves me. Should I accept her back as a marriage partner advice me on this
Hi Augustus, That is a very difficult question to answer since you are the only one who can answer it. Do you feel like you can be able to forgive her and trust her again? Do you feel like you will be able to resolve your past issues and move past them? These are some of the questions you should be asking yourself as they will help you answer your question.
Sun, 09/18/2016 - 12:04 pm
Hey i have dated aguy for three weeks and i have already had sex with him do u think he could have taken it in awrong way maybe it was too quick coz i see him having less tym for me these days
Tue, 09/20/2016 - 08:00 pm
I had a reletionship with a lady 4two yrs i used to give her gifts de last time i gave a smartphone later on she started disconnet our relationship slow by slowly.wat should i do such prson lke dat
Hi Ismail, What do you mean by disconnecting your relationship? You should have a talk with her and seek to find out why she has changed. If she is still interested in the relationship like you are you will find a way of sorting your issues. But if she is no longer interested it might be time to move on.
Wed, 09/28/2016 - 10:37 pm
I have a girlfriend whom I love so much en she 2 loves me,but her problem is,whenever I don't pick her calls she quarrels so much she tells me that may be am tired of her, what should I do?
Sat, 10/08/2016 - 09:02 am
I developed feelings for girl n she is so beautiful n promising lady.I approached her I told that I love her so much.She accepted bt I never felt surtified.I kept on asking her if she really love. She told mbu she is having a boy friend and she also love me so much. So wht should I do
Sat, 10/15/2016 - 10:10 am
Hi! I have dating a gal for the last three,our agreement was that we get down to marriage by 2018,of late she tricked me that she's committed that she can make to come over, coincidentally I found out that she were cheating on prove my curiosity I made a sup visit to her bh we didn't meet,am in dilema,what do I do??
Hi Mathews, Sorry that you are going through this. Cheating is a very painful experience to go through. Check out this article to learn more .
Fri, 10/21/2016 - 06:22 pm
Good evening, have been in a marriage for 5yrs but my wife is more interested in money, for example if I get she really concentrates on me, but without she keeps quarreling me but she is faithful, personally I want to divorce her and look for another lady to marry Dan (me)
Omar kazungu
Thu, 10/27/2016 - 06:41 am
I got married 3yrs back n we hav a baby with my wife bt i came to realized she is not trustworthy becoz she was groovin with a school drop out guy n i hav the proof with me wat shall i do?... To 4give n 4get? Or wat shall i do coz i still lov my wife n also my son... Advice me
Hi Omar, This is a difficult position to be in. You need to take time and think about what you would want to do. If you decide to forgive, you need to know that you would have to sort this issue out before you can move on, otherwise the issue will always be there. Check out this article to learn more .
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