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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Comments
I love this guy, he is single but with two kids staying with them.he used to visit me in my hse only during the night and we even shared love after which he leaves. He doesn't call or text me anything to do with love...... But if we meet physically he seems to be inlove with me. Kindly let me know if he loves and values me?
How if your wife date a man who has a family and to go an exstend of sleeping with him what is the best advice plse,my wife is only 23yrs old we are just engaged
am in luv with this gal en even if i ask her to visit me she does but we have never had sex coz she always tells me she's not ready wat should i do..
true my lady told me a lot of negative things. then I accepted as she told but later she called me and positive things again. BE PATIENCE IN LOVE
It's generally assumed that we go on dates with people we don't know quite well that is why a first date will require that we get to know them better and stay calm and stuff like that. Do people who are turning a long-term friendship into dating, follow the same rules?
hi, am 20years i am financially stable but i have pressure to marry.should i marry with this age.
I got engaged to my fiancee 2 months ago. I informed her that I can't afford to do a wedding because of financial constraints but she can't hear any of it. She has threatened to quit the engagement if I don't give her a befitting wedding. What should I do I want her to come over we begin our live together.
Thomas its sad that you are in that position. Its important to always discuss our financial positions in any relationship so that you understand each other and don't have unrealistic expectations. You need to sit down and discuss your financial positions and come up with an agreement like pushing the weeding to a date where you feel you will have raised enough money. It will be important to start you marriage on the right note because if you don't, it will not have a good chance of survival.
Claxton bedigum
Sat, 12/19/2015 - 09:41
I have this withstanding Love for this lady but when we started every thing seemed great and with time she introduced to me some ex guy of hers who travelled abroad and later turned back over to ug and since that time all seemed no good between me and her and for so her last words came as ITS OVER BETWEEN ME AND HER BUT I FEEL I STILL LOVE HER MUCH,what should I do
Claxton the only thing you can do is move on. A relationship is between two people who want to be with each other, and if only one is interested then its not a relationship. You will find someone who will love you back all you need to do is move on with your life.
Almartine
Sun, 12/20/2015 - 08:55
I have been in 4 r/ships n have never had sex with any of the four gals.I am 21 and most of my friends see me as lucky because I can easily convince ladies though I usually lose interest for sex with time what can I do.I fear if I have sex I will be addicted to it....help
Almartine not having sex especially when you are in arelationship simply mean you are not ready for it and that normal. Addiction does not come easily and its rare for one to get addicted just because they started having sex. Sex is involving physically mentally and emotionally and until you feel you are ready for all that ,you need to keep on abstaining and not because you fear getting addicted.
Hi am a student and i fall in love with a lady who live in America she interested all my stories but never love stories. when i start showing my love she dont say no but remain silence. would i leave her?
I have a guy whom we have dated for 1 yr he tells me that he enjoys having sex with me and when I ask him abut marriage he says he \won't promise me abut it since he is not 100/ sure ant it bt he would lyk to have a kid with and take care of the kid in future even if we will not necessarily marry.plus help
Hi Mwikali, Marriage is a serious commitment and most people like taking time with that kind of decision. You need to find out what it is he's not sure about and why he would want to have a child outside wedlock. These information will help you get to know where you stand with him and what direction the relationship can take. Sometime its also good to think about what you want and then see if it aligns with what you have currently.
mary maina
Wed, 01/13/2016 - 23:07
Have dated a guy for one year he says that he enjoys having sex with me and he wants me to b with him many times thou he does not promise me abut marriage in future bt he tells me dat he wud lyk to have a kid with me in future and take care of dat kid 's financial need ad b the for the kid when need be .pliz advice me on this situation
Hi Mary, thanks for writing to us. It would be very important for both you and him to define the kind of relationship you have. This will help you know where you stand with him. You might also want to talk to him about what kind of future he wants you two to have. All these will help to inform you if that is the relationship you want to be in or if you want something different.
my boyfriend says he will never trust any woman,he's also poor in communication,will this rshp take us smwhere pls help.
My dear, Mark the word any woman.... Meaning that your are not excluded in the statement since you are among those women. So if you're in that relationship, take a big caution. That man is not romantic at all.
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