Leaf saying I love you
Shutterstock

I said ‘I love you’. She said nothing.

When you say ‘I love you’ several times and they don’t say it back, is it a big deal? Am I just overreacting? Could it mean that she is not into me?

Too soon?

It’s possible you’ve started saying ‘I love you’ too soon.

As relationships develop, couples gradually disclose more and more information about each other. Starting with facts, their work for example, what they like doing, and so on.

And then they gradually start to reveal their feelings for one another – and their hopes and expectations for the relationship. But they won’t say anything too revealing before they trust you.

Trust first, then feelings

So you need to look for signs that your girlfriend trusts you enough to reveal her feelings to you, before you reveal yours to her.

For most couples, that comes after they’ve started to get physically close. So don’t start saying ‘I love you,’ before you’re comfortable kissing one another!

It’s possible that your girlfriend feels you’re being needy. Saying ‘I love you’ too often, or just being too eager or insecure would do that. Like messaging too much, or always insisting on knowing where she is, or trying to keep her away from her friends.

Choose the right moment

And so perhaps your girlfriend is trying to hold things back for a while. Or maybe you’re just choosing the wrong time or mood to say something so intimate? Things need to be relaxed and casual – and private – before you’ll get a response.

So probably the best thing is to stop talking about love for a while and make sure you’re getting those other things right first. Once that happens it’s likely that your girlfriend will gradually start saying ‘I love you.’ In any case, don’t say those words again until she does.

And if she doesn’t? Ask her if she finds it difficult to say the words, and listen for hints that her background or upbringing may be the cause.

That’s especially true of anyone who had a difficult childhood or youth, or who went to a boarding school, where people are likely to make fun of you if you’re emotional.

Or maybe your girlfriend grew up in a family or community where no one ever said ‘I love you,’ or anything like that. And so she always feels embarrassed hearing or saying anything so intimate.

Or showing any sort of vulnerability, such as revealing her feelings. If that’s so, just get used to it! Though she may gradually change with time – so long as you don’t pressure her.

Or maybe she’ll say she just isn’t that into you!
And if that happens? Politely move on.


Have you said ‘I love you’ and got no response? Share your story below or on Love Matters Kenya and Naija on Facebook.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (52)

  1. Am undergoing the exact…
    Am undergoing the exact thing,but atleast now av e cru on this,thanks

    1. We are glad Frank that this…
      We are glad Frank that this was useful. We wish you well.

  2. Am in a relationship for…
    Am in a relationship for 1yrs,with a guy and we do everything bt he doesn’t say I love you back when I say it to him what could be the cause?

    1. Hey Naomi, Only he can tell…
      Hey Naomi, Only he can tell why he does not say he loves you back. find a good time and talk about this. You need to find out from him if he really does love you.

      1. Hey i think this is normal…
        Hey i think this is normal. Hey may be in love with u bt he jst cant say it in ur eyes. In some cases when a lady get to knw that u lover love n cherish her,she may start disrespecting u thinking that u u cant do without her. I’ll advice u to feel @home…unapendwa am talking from experience

        1. Hi Peter, 

          yes, it is…

          Hi Peter, 

          yes, it is common for some people to find it hard to express their feelings. Some take a lot of time. It’s totally okay to tell someone that you love them. Maybe you had an experience that was not very good but this does not mean that all women are like that. 

    1. What about love Hatiga?
      What about love Hatiga?

  3. I don not how to dicuss with…
    I don not how to dicuss with a girl

    1. Hey Peter, what don’t you…

      Hey Peter, what don’t you know how to discuss with a girl?

  4. I met her and said I like…
    I met her and said I like her after a few days and she did nt respond why

    1. Hey Entric, have reached out…

      Hey Entric, have reached out to her since then to find out how she feels? The best way to get to know how she feels is to ask her, try find a good time and ask her if she does like you or not, so you can decide on how to proceed. All the best.

  5. she likes my lifestyle,that…
    she likes my lifestyle,that’s what have observed from her but she seems to be so shy to tell so,about #LOVE,its been my rampant quote telling her,’I LOVE YOU’.have tried to take her for a outin’ but she fails off……its not that she’s not interested in me bt its she not open,need help man.

    1. Thank you Rasvan for the…

      Thank you Rasvan for the feedback.

  6. Every time I say I love you…
    Every time I say I love you to my girlfriend she say same here

    1. Hi Solomon, does this bother…

      Hi Solomon, does this bother you? If it does, you need to make your partner aware of it. Let her know what your concern is and let her know what your expectation is. 

    1. Joseph, sorry to hear that…

      Joseph, sorry to hear that. Have you ever tried to find out why she gets angry when you express your love for her? Perhaps if you get to know why you can help. 

  7. How can i know if am…
    How can i know if am friendzoned

    1. Hey Maxwell, if you are more…

      Hey Maxwell, if you are more of a friend and less of a boyfriend, if she has told you about the person she likes, she doesn’t mind sharing embarrassing issues with you and she may just tell you straight that you are just friends. If you are not certain about the persons actions, you could consider being honest and asking them if you can have more.  

  8. Never been in relationship
    Never been in relationship

  9. Have been staying with him…
    Have been staying with him we’ve got a kid together but we keep on quarreling over petty issues is it that he now doesn’t need me or what am worried

    1. Hello Mercy, frequent fights…

      Hello Mercy, frequent fights or disagreements in a relationship may point to deep seated dissatisfaction in the relationship. While all couples disagree from time to time, when the frequency is high, it is important for partners to have an honest conversation to determine the real reason for the fights. Try and find a good time to take about this with your partner to resolve the issues. Having this honest conversation will help you determine whether to continue with the relationship or to break up. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/fighting-dos-and-donts

  10. Hey,,i text my love n she…
    Hey,,i text my love n she seems not interested,,mostly when i tell her i love her.What may that mean

    1. Hey Pitah, I am not able to…

      Hey Pitah, I am not able to tell you what this means. It maybe useful to raise this concern with your partner to get to know what it means.

  11. Hae also in a delema am in…
    Hae also in a delema am in love wth somebody who is very far from where I live u used to call him frequently but he does not have my time most of the time am the one to rem him wat will I do please

    1. Hello Jenny, making a long…

      Hello Jenny, making a long distance relationship work can be challenging. Communication is one of those things that make it work and without frequent communication partners begin to grow apart which can lead to breaking up. It is important that you talk with your partner to get to know what is going on, get to know whether he is still interested in the relationship. If he is, you can then agree on how to proceed together. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/long-distance-relationships-dos-and-donts 

  12. I’m in a relationship now it…
    I’m in a relationship now it’s 4months. And my guy always like kissing but for I don’t like it…and that seems to be irritating him,what should I do?

    1. Hi Pauline, what makes you…

      Hi Pauline, what makes you nor to like kissing? You could begin here as you look for a solution. Also, do talk with your partner let them know what you like and what you dont like. He should also share with you what he likes or doesn’t, this way you can find a middle ground that both of you will enjoy. Talking about sex helps to improve the experience for both partners, have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

    1. Thank you for your…

      Thank you for your contribution Ann.

  13. Am Collins.. actually have…
    Am Collins.. actually have been educated from this information,all talked about here I have experienced.. continue to educate since this creates understanding..

    1. Dear Collins, we are glad…

      Dear Collins, we are glad that you find our site informative. Keep exploring the site for more informative and blush free articles.

  14. I Have told her I love her…
    I Have told her I love her severally in respond she will say hmm..i will ask her to tell me about her she will say she dont know to say it as in (i love u)

    1. Hey Godson, this I imagine…

      Hey Godson, this I imagine is very confusing to you. It maybe that she is shy, have you tried to perhaps talk with her over text especially if she is unable to express herself when you are talking face to face… It is important that you get to know how she feels toward you and whether she is interested in having a relationship with you. If she is unable to talk with you face to face try talk with her over a call or text. 

  15. I Have been tell her I love…
    I Have been tell her I love her in her respond she will say she cant say it ..it hard for her to say I love u

    1. Hello Godson, is it that she…

      Hello Godson, is it that she cant say it to you face to face? How does she feel toward you? If she is too shy to say it to you face to face, you can have this conversation over a call or text, all of these are forms of communication. It is important for you to get to know how she feels about you to decide how to proceed with the relationship. 

  16. Hi——-Baby,
    With due…

    Hi——-Baby,
    With due respect and understanding, I am Henrylove single man. seeking for cool, lovely, sweet. understanding sugar mammy i will be with, it will be so lovely to meet with him face to face, infarct i am 100% a serious man and i don’t play with any thing relationship, am very ready to meet with you and building serious relationships, for real no playing games.
    My heart his simple and gentleman with big dreams, i am very romantic, i love listening to music, dancing , infarct by the grace of GOD i am going to be future superstar, music in me i love it so much:
    My Status.;;; Age 45, July 23, 1972, Eye Color Grey,Hair Color, Black, Marital Status: Not married, Children No children, Religion Christianity, Level of Education, High school, Occupation, D.J, Drinking NO, Level of English*.
    Trust in me and i promise i will give you 100% love and sex, l will never let you dawn. I will be waiting to hear from you soon. You can also reach me on my E-Mail([email protected]}
    Yours Faithful,
    Henrylove.

    1. Hey Henry, we are not a…

      Hey Henry, we are not a dating service and for this reason we do not provide dating services. We wish you well.

  17. I’m in a relationship with…
    I’m in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about me
    He doesn’t know when am sick or okay
    He is a jealous person
    I don’t have my time to do anything i want to do
    Plz what do i do

    1. Hey Peace, is this what you…

      Hey Peace, is this what you want in a partner and relationship? Have you talked to him about these issues? It is important you talk about these concerns with your partner and then make a decision on how to proceed. It is important that you still have your time even when you are dating and your partner allows for such time since you are still an individual. Do find a good time to talk about these concerns including where the jealousy and trust issues are coming from. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

  18. Some times if I tell I love…
    Some times if I tell I love you she will respond sometime she won’t, and sometimes she will the one to tell me I love you

    1. Thank you for sharing Simon…

      Thank you for sharing Simon. Does is bother that she will not respond to you some of the time? Have you raised this concern with her?

  19. I said i love her then she…
    I said i love her then she replied Thanks what does that mean

    1. Hi Rashid, 

      It could mean…

      Hi Rashid, 

      It could mean that she is not ready to say ‘I love you’ back or maybe the timing was not right. So probably the best thing is to stop talking about love for a while and make sure you’re getting those other things right first. Once that happens it’s likely that your girlfriend will gradually start saying ‘I love you.’ 

  20. Everything you’ve said here…
    Everything you’ve said here is true Mr Frank,it happened to me from the first point up to the last one, am happy she has told me that she loves me for the first ??let me go and fish today??

    1. Hi Anthony, 

      I am glad you…

      Hi Anthony, 

      I am glad you can relate. Happy fishing!

  21. My girlfriend broke up with…
    My girlfriend broke up with her ex just because she wanted to be with me. After break up she is angry at me ? why is that so

    1. Hi David, 

      The best way to…

      Hi David, 

      The best way to handle this is to talk to her. She is the best person to explain why she is angry so that you two can solve the issue. All the best!

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships