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Sex and money

By Ojus on

Do men feel exploited by women? Do they like taking care of their girlfriends? What do they expect in return? Is it normal to exchange sexual favours for money today?

Navigating the sexual landscape in this country nowadays is like navigating a minefield: a wrong step and things might blow up in your face. Dating now seems so complicated, new codes to learn, slangs to memorize and so on. It’s hard to keep up.

Small girl, big God

There’s this idea that has been floating around the country, the ‘small girl, big God’ concept. For those that have been living under a well-positioned rock for the past year, this loosely refers to girls who simply give sexual favours for material gain.

Sex work

Now, one has to understand that there are different levels to this.

The first level involves the girls that do this professionally, the ones that do it as a livelihood. They charge upfront, do what is needed, collect their money and move on to the next ‘customer’. The ‘ashys‘, as they are called in local parlance. They are the ones that line up on Allen Avenue every night to scout for clients, or the tech-savvy ones that ply their trade on dating websites and social media.

IG slay queens

Then a step below there are the ‘small girl, big Gods’. They basically do the same as above, but they are more coded about it. They are the ‘Instagram slay queens’. They flaunt their iPhone Xs and human hair weaves and share pictures of vacations in Dubai and the Cayman Islands. But people who know them know they can’t afford any of these things, hence the name. They usually have male sponsors who provide a lot of these things in exchange for sexual favours. But they say it’s not in a transactional kind of way, more like a girlfriend-y way.

Everyone else

Now, this is where some tables will be shaken. Another step below the slay queens is – everyone else. Yes, you heard right. Nowadays, everyone mostly does the same thing. They just tend to turn a blind eye to it. Think about it.

As a guy, have you ever taken a girl out, someone you just met, y’all went to the movies, then dinner, then probably a few hours of dancing at the club, and after everything, you subtly ask the girl for sex and when or if she refuses, you feel cheated, like you’ve just spent all that money for nothing. Now, can you see what I am talking about?

Date = sex?

It is now an unspoken rule that when a guy takes a girl out on a date and spends any amount of money, he can demand sex from the girl after. According to David, ‘there is no reason to spend money on a girl except it leads to both of us on a bed’. Interestingly, David is not alone in this, this mindset is becoming pretty widespread among young people.

The question now is, is this right?

One is tempted to come to the defense of the girls, but that decision should not be taken hastily because the girls are also looking for guys that will spend money on them. It is a two-way street.

They will tell you ‘ain’t nobody gonna date a broke-ass dude’. A lady once tweeted that she couldn’t go out with a guy who wasn’t using an iPhone. That statement stuck with me because it is a representation of what is happening now. People go to great lengths to buy iPhones (high-end phones generally) that they cannot afford just to be accepted into the ‘cool squad’.

Two-sided exploitation

It’s a brave new world out here, folks! There doesn’t seem to be any kind of exploitation going on here, on both sides. It seems in most instances, both the guy and the girl know exactly what they are doing and what is expected and they are both okay with it.

There are some instances in which the girl just wants to hang out without any sex involved, and the guy is also okay with that. That’s perfect, but instances like that seem to be dwindling. Which is sad, actually.

It is also important, though, not to judge girls involved in the sponsor lifestyle or the guys that do the sponsoring for that matter. Each person’s story is different and each person’s truth is different. All we can do is try to navigate the murky waters that are the dating world today and hope to come out on the other end dry. Or at least not soaking wet.

What are your thoughts on dating, sex, and money? Leave a comment below or head to our Facebook pages Love Matters Africa and Love Matters Naija.