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6 Tips on how to remain friends with an ex

Being friends with someone you know very well can be fun and feel comfortable. But beware – old feelings and jealousy can get in the way.

There are no fool-proof guidelines to becoming and staying friends with an ex – but this week’s do’s and don’ts does come close!

  • Give it time

    If you have just broken up recently, it’s a good idea to give your ex and yourself some time to get over each other before you even consider being friends. Break-ups happen for a reason, and both of you will need time to heal and get over any anger or disappointment you have. There are no real guidelines as too how long you should wait until you get in touch with your ex again, but six months seems like a reasonable period. But rather wait a bit longer than try to jump at an attempt too early.

    And remember: you can’t force friendship. Sometimes a break up is so painful there’s no realistic chance of ever being friends – that’s something only you can judge.

  • Try it, it may be worth it

    Chances are you spent a good chunk of your life with your ex. You share the same interests, friends and hobbies. You have a lot in common and that’s a great starting point for a friendship. So if you parted amicably or you think you can get over the reasons for your break-up, trying to be friends can be very rewarding.

    But be picky, too. If you know that the differences between you while dating were too big, the same might happen in a friendship. It’s not worth getting hurt twice!

  • Include your new partner 

    That doesn’t mean your new partner should be right next to you every time you talk to or see your ex. But a major reason for jealousy is your partner still being cosy with their ex. So if you are still friends with your ex, it’s a good idea to be honest about it to your new partner.

    Tell them that you are just friends, share your plans of meeting your ex, and maybe introduce them. Doing all this will save you, your ex and your new partner a lot of headaches and maybe even fights.

  • Don’t treat it like a real relationship

You need to realize that you are no longer in a relationship, so don’t treat your friendship the same way as the relationship. That means no flirting, no cuddling, no late-night cute text messages. Because that will make it much more difficult to keep clear boundaries and rules. It’s all too easy to fall back into old patterns with your ex. This is especially dangerous if you’re in a new relationship.

  • Don’t get jealous 

Let’s face it, when you see your ex with a new partner it always hurts a bit. But you are only truly over an ex when you can be happy for them. That includes being happy when they have a new partner. Nobody wants you to be over the moon of course, but if you are feeling very jealous, it may be a sign that you are not really over your ex and maybe there are some feelings left. And if that’s the case, being friends might not be the best idea.

  • Don’t have sex with the ex

Well, you can have sex with the ex. But just remember that it can get very awkward! If neither of you is in a relationship, it might seem like a good idea to have sex with your ex – you know each other, you know what the other likes, and so on.

But having sex might complicate your friendship. Even if you’re sure of your feelings, can you be sure that your ex doesn’t get his or her hopes up again? And if either of you is in a relationship, sex and cheating will jeopardize it. So before you get too cozy between the sheets, consider the consequences!

Have you got a tip to add to the list? A bad or good experience of being friends with an ex? Leave a comment here or on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (202)

  1. About 3mth now sincs we
    About 3mth now sincs we breakup with my viac ,{i hv no parner} no fon col & tex we have made sincs.Now i neet she back how can i start tis surely?

    1. Hi Kenn,

      Hi Kenn,
      there is no sure way of how to approach this. If she doesn’t want you back, there is nothing you can do about it. You should approach is slowly. Send her a text message and ask how she is doing. If she replies, you can text for a bit, and if all goes well, you can call her after a while. Have a few chats, and if she wants to, meet up for a cup of chai, or something like this. And if that goes well, tell her that you want her back. If she says no, you need to accept it. Good luck!

  2. Dont think being friends with
    Dont think being friends with an ex is a good idea. I mean,you can forget yourselves.

    1. Hi Virvin,

      Hi Virvin,
      thanks for your comment!

  3. It’s now a month since my x
    It’s now a month since my x left.But now she’s calling me and even sending love msgs.What should I do bcoz she’s the 1 who left and told me 2 4get about her.Help please!

    1. Hi Osewe,

      Hi Osewe,
      why don’t you talk to her and ask her why she wants you back if she told you to forget about her a month ago? Hear what she has to say for herself. And then it’s up to you. If you want to give her another chance, go for it. If not- forget about her!

    2. I suggest you be very…
      I suggest you be very careful n if possible, know if her intension to want you back are good or bad.

      1. Thank you Ej for your…

        Thank you Ej for your feedback to our forum! Cheers!

  4. i think being friends with an
    i think being friends with an ex iz nt a good idea

    …..its lyk going bak 2 ur past ul never move on seriously apart of u wil alwys love them en remind u of memories u shared …….i stil do love ma ex bt i never wonna go bak there again

    1. Hi Becky, thanks for your
      Hi Becky, thanks for your comment.

  5. on Sunday i break up with boy
    on Sunday i break up with boy friend,he will came home drunken and he started fighting
    what should i do because am still love him,i want an advice.plz help me

    1. Hi Vivian, what you should do
      Hi Vivian, what you should do is up to you. Has he ever hurt you? And how much does it bother you? Have you talked to him about this, and what does he have to say for himself? Especially if it happens a lot and he brushes it off, this could be a problem. Talk to him and ask him to change something. If he doesn’t, or if he has ever hurt you, you should consider leaving him for good. Yes, this does hurt, but what you really want is a guy who loves you, and respects you, and treats you well, right?

    2. As much as it hurts, give…
      As much as it hurts, give him space n time an adult should know what he really wants. If he truly loves you, he will look for you for a talk. It is said that no one knows the value of what she/he has untill they lose it.

      1. Hey there Ej, thank you so…

        Hey there Ej, thank you so much for sharing your perspective on our forum, we really appreciate it and hope the rest of your week is wonderful! Stay safe!

  6. I broke up with ma boyfrnd
    I broke up with ma boyfrnd sme months bck…n nw he’s dating ma frnd…and also insists on us been friends..which i dnt llike….thats not all..he is still holding up some of ma stuff which he seems like he doesnt want to hand over and i really want them back what should i do?…

    1. Hi Leslie,

      Hi Leslie,
      that’s a tricky situation.
      Try to get your stuff back by being nice to him. And then, once you have it, you don’t need to be friends with him, if you don’t want to. It might be difficult because of your friend, but in the end, if you want to be friends with someone or not, is your decision. Good luck!

  7. Do money talks alot in r/ship
    Do money talks alot in r/ship??

    1. Hi Charles,

      Hi Charles,
      money can play a huge role in a relationship and can also cause problems.
      Quarreling about money is awkward for many of us, but it still happens all the time. When you are married or in a serious relationship, you should at some point sit down with your partner and discuss each others finances and the way you spend money. If one of you is a saver and the other is a spender, you will run into an argument sooner than later. Talk about your savings, your debts and your goals, both for the short term and for the long term. If your partner wants you two to save for a house while you want to travel with your hard-earned cash, you will clash.
      As with all other relationship issues, good communication is the key. Be open and clear and give your partner room to do the same thing.

  8. bein fwnds wth ur ex z nt a
    bein fwnds wth ur ex z nt a gwd idea at al,filnz wil kam bak

    1. Hi Mary,

      Hi Mary,
      thanks for your input!
      Have you experienced this?

  9. I dont thnk its a gud idea to
    I dont thnk its a gud idea to continue with ua ex

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      Thanks for your comment. Why do you think so- we are curious to hear!

  10. hi,steve hia,i hv bn in luv
    hi,steve hia,i hv bn in luv for a yr now bt da hell z dat i hv bn suffrin much dat yr coz ma partnr z abit distance,i don know whethr im da one who dont trust coz wen she z gone i fil lyk dat she gonna play me,we alwyz argue wen she z gone,tears evertym due somtyms i tell her dat i hv broke up wit her but feelin rejoins us again mostly wen she comes we hav sex despite i hd broke up wit b4,coz now i know dos n donts wen i decide to break her up wit i ll use ua help,danx alot love mattrs

    1. Hi Steve,

      Hi Steve,
      Don’t expect love to be enough to carry you through a long-distance relationship. Every relationship is hard work, and long-distance relationship even more so. Both of you need to be fully committed to the relationship and to making it work. Don’t expect a fairy tale.
      Set rules to make the relationship work for both of you, if you decide to go through with it. Whether you do, is only up to you to decide.
      And be honest: it’s normal to feel jealous ever once in a while. And your partner will have his or her concerns, too. Don’t get angry and clam up when this happens. Once again, good and open communication is the way to go.

  11. its not a good idea,u ll
    its not a good idea,u ll return to old days nd leed breakup with ur newf/ship.

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      thanks for your comment! Could you tell us more about this?

  12. its not a good idea,u ll
    its not a good idea,u ll return to old day nd leed breakup with ur newf/ship.

  13. my boyfriend had been
    my boyfriend had been communicating with his ex of which I hate most I have warned the gal but she brags a lot though she was done many bad things by him

    1. Hey there,

      Hey there,
      thanks for sharing your experience!

  14. Hi,i brke up wit hm buh hc
    Hi,i brke up wit hm buh hc mom kant let me go,moso tho he hurted me big i stil lov im soo muc,av gvn masef tme buh stil kat 4get im..he klaims he lovs me 2buh he kat stp bin alover boy…am gerous type n dnt no wat 2do anymo…

    1. Hi Mwende,

      Hi Mwende,
      only you can know what you want and you need to decide what will be best for you.
      It’s a difficult situation, no doubt, but I would suggest taking some more time, by yourself and really thinking about what you want for yourself. It will be tough, but you really need to make up your mind first.
      Good luck!

  15. I was in good terms wit ma
    I was in good terms wit ma gal frend she told me to hold for a while and i need her most. please help me on how to catch her back.

    1. Hi Adams,

      Hi Adams,
      that’s a tricky one.
      If I were you, I would try to let her know that you are there for her, whenever she needs you, but I also want to give her the space she needs.
      So be patient and nice to her. That’s your best bet right now.
      Good luck!

  16. i dated a girl whom i for
    i dated a girl whom i for real loved her…bt later on her frend convinced on false doctrines dat i was on her toez i decided to brk up en she sends me love text…she dont trust me she trust rumour~ monger out there…pliiiiiz help!

    1. Hi Simon,

      Hi Simon,
      that’s an odd situation.
      So she wants you but doesn’t trust you? That’s not a great start.
      And what do you want? You should be clear on that first, before you make any other decisions.
      So take some time and think about what you want!
      Good luck!

  17. I broke up wid da ldy I truly
    I broke up wid da ldy I truly lv n cherish so much..bcoz of jealousy n I think she is seeing smbdy else…….bt b4 we broke up things startd to change slowly..da no of tym she usd to c me reducd plz hlp

    1. Hi Babz,

      Hi Babz,
      trust is important for a relationship.
      If there is no trust, there is now solid foundation.
      Before you think about getting in a relationship, with whomever, you need to make sure you know what you want yourself.

  18. am stil in lve with my ex.
    am stil in lve with my ex..What i dny understand is he alwaiz heart me bt he finds his way to me,n after giving him a chance,we b ok like a month by after we having sex he goes silent, this has happend so many times..I want to get ova hm complitly please help

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Hi Sarah,
      if you are sure that you want to get over him completely, you need to cut all ties with him. Don’t talk to him, try to avoid him and not see him. Don’t take his calls.It might be cruel, but this way he will know you are no longer interested.
      Good luck!

  19. I ges yu shud not be that
    I ges yu shud not be that close to your ex and you must avoid seeing each other and evn cmunicating because at the end it may cause smthng yu wl regret

    1. Thanks for your input Lin.
      Thanks for your input Lin. Have you had experiences with this?

  20. i brokeup with my Ex 4 months
    i brokeup with my Ex 4 months ago, and just days ago she wants me back, saying she is sorry about the parting. I dont know what to do, please help

    1. Hi Santos,

      Hi Santos,
      we are sorry, we can’t tell you what to do. You need to make up your own mind on what you want. Take your time and think about it. You need to decide what you want, and if you want her back.
      Good luck!

  21. cant just get over my x she
    cant just get over my x she is alwaya on my minds no mtr how hrd i try but i dont call her i always avoi but she did call me few days AGO wanting my help and i did help am soo confused

    1. Hi Jossy,

      Hi Jossy,
      be honest with her.
      Tell her the phone calls stand in the way of your healing process after the break-up. Ask her to give you some time and don’t communicate for a while.
      If you are sure of your decision, this will be the best way to go. Good luck!

  22. Ts now 2 moths since we broke
    Ts now 2 moths since we broke up wth ma gf.have tryd 2 get her back agan bt i dnt seè t working..i still have lot f feelings 4 her.am unable 2 lv onothr one 4 sure.. we r nt enemies we tlk ad chat,bt nt abt lv.wht wl do i stl lv her deeply..

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      you need to make up your mind. What do you want? Do you want her back? Then tell her and see if you can get back together.
      If you don’t want to get back with her, it’s best to stop communicating altogether for a while, to get space.
      Good luck!

  23. My guy iz stil caling is ex.
    My guy iz stil caling is ex. I av done everytin 2 stop him by doing all dat he wantz bt he didnt stil stop it. I nid advice wat do u think I can do.?.

    1. Hi Lade,

      Hi Lade,
      stop talking to him. Stop taking his calls and his texts. If you want to be nice to him, tell him beforehand that this is what you will do. And then, you need to be really consequent. No calls, no texts, don’t see him. If he calls from an unknown number, hang up.
      It will be difficult, but if you are sure of it, do it!

  24. Wel i had a great rship wit
    Wel i had a great rship wit sum1..den she decided 2 separate wit me,..frm den until now..idk de rezn why we had 2 separate..n she wantd us 2 b frnds..bt i disagrid..i was hurt n stil hurt…so i once sent a mesage 2 her..teling her i hate her..n she must stop coling neida sending text mesages..so dd i do de corect decision?..i loved her..bt she chngd me…

    1. Hi Berry,

      Hi Berry,
      unfortunately, we can’t tell you what the correct decision is.
      The most important thing is that you make up your mind on what you want. Do you want her back or not? Take some time to think about this before you make any decisions.
      Good luck!

  25. I brake up wth my girly
    I brake up wth my girly nearly 2yrs bck. Bt nw she is busy snding me sms cz she is nw a single mthr. She is prmicin 2 pay me a visit bt me i no longer intrested bt i dnt wnt 2 hate her . Hw should i tll he? Thnx

    1. Hi Giviey,

      Hi Giviey,
      it’s best to be honest. If you don’t want to see her, tell her so, nicely. It might hurt her at that moment, but it’s better than pretending all is well.
      Good luck!

  26. i think sometimes being
    i think sometimes being friendz with ur ex is not a bad idea as long as you know what you are doing…i broke up with my boyfriend in feb since then we havent talked to each other,i still love the guy but i dont know what to do so that we can meet and talk…any advice pliz

    1. Hi Dorry,

      Hi Dorry,
      I would suggest you just ask him to meet and talk. If he says no, you know he is not interested at the moment. If you do meet, then you can slowly start talking about your feeling.
      Does this help?

    2. Your situation is the same
      Your situation is the same and i nid to talk t him.

      1. Hi rose..talk to me please..i
        Hi rose..talk to me please..i can b of help..0711501459

  27. makin frnds wit ur ex cn even
    makin frnds wit ur ex cn even destroy ur next relationship

    1. Hi Myke,

      Hi Myke,
      that’s a really good point there! Do you have any experiences like that?

  28. am in a gud 4 nortin
    am in a gud 4 nortin situation right nw i have a 2 boyfriend dat am dat bt 1 is after sex while 1 truely love bt i 1 dat truely love i dont love bt d 1 dats is after sex dats d 1 am in love am just confuse right nw becos i true love him bt we re have i misunderstandin n which is sex n am nt ready 2 sleep wit him just becos 2 satisfy sum1 i dont no if he truely love .am just confuse. cant u help me out, i dont no who 2 follow

    1. Hi Ewaoluwa,

      Hi Ewaoluwa,
      that’s indeed a tricky situation.
      But: you need to make up your mind. We can’t help you with that. Try to take some time away from all of them and try to make your decisions. It will be difficult, no doubt, but you should get yourself out of the situation.
      Good luck!

  29. i have a boy friend who alway
    i have a boy friend who alway goes through my fon and it hurts to see that coz we talked about it over and over .wat should i do.

    1. Hi Shiru,

      Hi Shiru,
      you have already done what I would suggest you do. Talk about it. Does he give you any reasons for this behavior? Or did you cause any suspicions in him? Try to get to the bottom of things and see if you can do anything about it.

  30. Its been 10months since i
    Its been 10months since i broke up with my ex, still not over him. Thts the hardest part.. What should i do coz i dont see myself falling inlove again..

    1. Hi Sly,

      Hi Sly,
      it’s difficult, we know. And ten months seems like a long time, but honestly, it sometimes takes much longer. Take all the time that you need, as difficult as it is.
      Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will be fine eventually.

  31. my husband heart me soo much
    my husband heart me soo much i find him sms another girl. ihate him but am there because i have two kides with him ihave tryed to forgive him i find herd forme in fact if i remember.he ask me to forgove him. but i find my self too herd todo soo .help me plice

    1. Hi Iavin,

      Hi Iavin,
      that’s a really though situation.
      You need to make up your mind. Your husband has betrayed your trust, but then, he could have done much worse that SMS another girl. You need to decide on whether you want your marriage to work and start trusting him again, or whether you can’t trust him again. Talk to your husband. Explain your problem and see whether the two of you can come to a solutions together.
      Good luck!

  32. i av a boyfriend whom i luv
    i av a boyfriend whom i luv ad he love me to.but the problem with him when we date he always talk about her X i maself i feel xo bad.I dont want to lose him.please help me where possible,

    1. Hi Abigail,

      Hi Abigail,
      have you tried telling him that it makes you feel bad?

  33. I think if u can afford being
    I think if u can afford being frnds wth an ex then, there was no real love within you,the hurt,the pain n the forgiveness of people who were in love ain’t sth easy,being frnds may arise issues tht u really had gotten rid of…i dont thnk its the best idea.

    1. Hi Toru,

      Hi Toru,
      thanks for your comment, we appreciate to hear different opinions from our audience!

  34. A week ago I had a slight
    A week ago I had a slight misunderstanding with my girl n she dumped me though I love her so very much, 3 days latter I called n she told me she’s marred n I shud never call her again,I need ur advice cos I can’t go of her she’s all over me.pliz

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      that seems like a bit a bit dodgy to me, doesn’t it. I would give it a bit of time, and then start investigating. Ask some mutual friends on whether they think it’s true.
      If all is true, it might be best to try to forget about her. Sorry to say that!

  35. Very Nice am in friendship
    Very Nice am in friendship with ex coz I know I was. Serious be she was convinced with cash end I do like the situation over his since she thought am a failure to his progress

    1. Hi Kenn,

      Hi Kenn,
      thanks for sharing your story with us!

  36. I wanted to give my ex and i
    I wanted to give my ex and i a second chance bt he left because he was not ready to fight for us…..for me an ex is my past and so nothing like being friends

    1. Hi Joyce,

      Hi Joyce,
      thanks your sharing your experience with us!

  37. Come to think of it,I think
    Come to think of it,I think its a bad idea of being friends your ex,because for things to end,it means you did not agree on various issues that is why you decided to break up & move on.so why being friends with ex when you have a new partner?there is no need,because just a single sms & you will feel that maybe they have changed they deserve another chance by doing so you discover that they will start cheating on you,they will fool you by making think that they are just friends.just as said “it’s easy to fall into old patterns with your ex.so as for me I wouldn’t encourage my girl to be friends with her ex.because that will only am fighting a lose battle.thanx

    1. Hi Laston,

      Hi Laston,
      you are making a really good point here.
      Thanks for giving us such elaborate input!

  38. Hi,my x still calls me nd
    Hi,my x still calls me nd want us to always see,he always denies havin a gf bt i always tell hi,bt he dosnt see it serious,he still want me bak bt i dnt cos i hav a bf nd my ex has change,he is now hargered sayin i cosd it.wat shuld i do?

    1. Hi Berry,

      Hi Berry,
      if you don’t want to be back in a relationship, be honest. There is no point in tip-toeing around if you don’t want it. So be honest and tell him you are not interested.
      Good luck!

  39. I mate a new girl friend and
    I mate a new girl friend and we love each other I ask her to come on my birthday dat I want to cerebrate it with her only and she agree ,on dat day I called her she pick my call and give it to her little sister and tel her to tell me that she is sleeping unfortunate I heard her voice telling her little sister to cut the call,now I called her friend and she came to be with me on my birthday I have feelings for that her friend should I walkways and date that her friend (any thin she demand on me I do it for her peacefully ) and her friend likes me but she said that she will not date me please advice me wat to do

    1. Hi Jackon,

      Hi Jackon,
      you need to make up your mind and get yourself into a clearer situation. Because you are in a mess!
      So try to decide who you want to be with, and then go for that girl.
      Good luck!

  40. It is nt good 2 be friends
    It is nt good 2 be friends with ur x. u av to move on. datc lyk wanting 2 b hurt 4 the second tym especially wen he/she was the course.

    1. Hi Rita,

      Hi Rita,
      thanks for your comment!

  41. ma ex nw date my frnd afta we
    ma ex nw date my frnd afta we broke up nd i wanted 2 b there frnd but am been played 4 a fool.what shud i do?

    1. Hi Precious,

      Hi Precious,
      ouch, that must hurt!
      Honestly, giving them some space and staying away for a while might be your best bet right now. So take some time apart and see how things develop.

  42. hi its one yr three months
    hi its one yr three months since i broke up with my girl we went for a while the she started conducting me for now she always wants to be beside me when i go upcountry and yet i have another girl and they both know what do i do

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      well, we are not judging, but having two girls at once isn’t very fair to either of them, is it? On a side note, we hope you are using condoms when having sex with them.
      What you should do only you can decide. We can’t help you with this. Take some time and make up your mind, and then stick with your decision.
      Good luck!

  43. I got back with my ex and
    I got back with my ex and everythng is geting worse,he doesnt hv time 4 me,he doesn’t keep his word,now i want to leave him coz i deserve better .hw shld i go about it coz i realy love him

    1. Hey Jeny,

      Hey Jeny,
      have you tried talking to him about it? He needs to know that it’s bothering you. And then you need to try to come up with solutions that work for both of you! Good luck!

    2. Hey Jeny,

      Hey Jeny,
      have you tried talking to him about it? He needs to know that it’s bothering you. And then you need to try to come up with solutions that work for both of you! Good luck!

  44. an ex is an example of
    an ex is an example of someone u shoukd never try to associate uaself with ever again!!

    1. Hi Cess,

      Hi Cess,
      thanks for your comment!
      Can you tell us a little more about why you think so?

  45. Hiwe brk up wid ma ex b/f
    Hiwe brk up wid ma ex b/f 2yrs ago bt he is raring txt me kwa phn ,fb nw he tells me he still luvs me bt me i lvd her xo mch he tookd advantage of me lvng her mst bt coz am in anatha rltnshp n i lv d guy xo mch lyk i did 2 her wat cn i do nw plz advc

    1. Hi Mary,

      Hi Mary,
      you need to make up your mind on what you want. Do you think you can trust him again, and do you want to be with him? And what about your current boyfriend? Would you rather stay with him?
      You are the only one who can make that decision. Take some time, think about it, but make sure that you follow through with any decision that you make.
      Good luck!

  46. It is three years since we
    It is three years since we broke up with my ex,she got married another person ,i got a girl friend n we have a baby though si mpendi kama my Ex .Now my Ex is aware of this n she want our re union nampenda xana bt sijui nisahau na wife niende na nimuoe kindly assist

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      we can’t help you make a decision like this, unfortunately. You need to know what you want. It’s difficult to get over an old partner, especially if you loved her so much, but you both have new partners and families now. So remember that whatever decision you make, it won’t just impact the two of you, but your families as well. Take some time and try to think about what you want.
      Good luck!

  47. av tried but it didnt work!
    av tried but it didnt work!

    1. Sometimes it just doesn’t
      Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, Edward. Maybe it wasn’t the right time and moment.
      Thank you for sharing!

  48. i broke up with my girl a
    i broke up with my girl a month ago.she told me that she hates me so much n she called mi all sort of names, two week later i started dating a girl n she is threatening to kill that girl if she doesnt leave me.wat do i do to my please?

    1. Hi Eli,

      Hi Eli,
      woh, those are some serious threats!
      I am assuming she had no idea that there was a break-up coming, and that she is super hurt and in pain right now. And you dating someone else so soon must be even worse.
      I would suggest you go talk to her. Explain the break-up, tell her what happened, and that you won’t get back together with her. Be nice, but firm. And ask her to leave your new girlfriend alone.
      I hope this will make things better.
      Good luck and let us know how things go!

  49. My girl friend I love so much
    My girl friend I love so much she went holiday to visits her elder sister my problem is dat she can’t call me even wen I send. Card for her she can’t call no text masage I take good care of her so much the only time she will flash me is wen she need my help and I will still assist her and help her I have called her many times and told her dat I don’t like wat she is doing to me now I have lost the feelings I have for her and she is back from holiday because of her birthday on the April 23 wich I send her birthday picture she did not even which me birthday on my day on April 25 now I don’t want to tell her it over becuz I don’t want her to feel hatred now am dating another girl which I love but my new girlfriend is even they play too much smart I hate such she is not even call me or text me but I do should I forget both of them plzz help me what to do

    1. Hi Diego,

      Hi Diego,
      ouch, hurt by two girls in such a short period of time!
      I would suggest you take some time by yourself and figure out what you want from a relationship with a girl. It seems like you want a serious relationship, while your girls are more fun-orientate. Maybe you go for the wrong girls?
      No matter what you decide, you need to talk to the girls, or any girl you will be dating in the future. Talking about your expectations and what you want from them and your relationship, and the other way around could save you some heartache in the future.
      Good luck!

  50. My ex decided to break up
    My ex decided to break up with for no reason and she have moved on with someone and I still love her plzz help.

    1. Hi King,

      Hi King,
      sorry to hear that! It really hurts, especially if it’s out of the blue.
      But you must accept her decision and let her move on.
      For you, it will take time to get over her and your relationship. Take all the time you need, do new things, spend time with your friends and family. The pain will get better with time, we promise!
      Good luck!

  51. yap t hz hpnd 2me,n nt onli z
    yap t hz hpnd 2me,n nt onli z he ma ex bt also de fatha of ma bby bt realizd de frndshp cld neva wak

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      thank you for your input and sharing with us!

  52. I fall in love with dis girl
    I fall in love with dis girl I love so much on March 16 2014 my problem is that I show her care so much dat every thing she ask me I do it for her I give her money,I buy cosmetic for her but she is not showing me love she can’t call me only me is calling her ,she pretend she love me even if I ask her for sex she said she is vergin dat she can’t have an Afair wit me now all she is after me is to demanding her need ,she talk to me only if I login on whatsapp (now I lied to her dat I lost my phone leter I change my whatsapp number and pretend that I don’t no her and chart wit her I told her I don’t want her to be my girlfriend dat I want to be a good friend with her ,now I ask her did she hav a boyfriend she said no dat she don’t need a guy in her life and I ask her is der any guys coming for her she said yes but she did not like them but I ask her her in dose guys is there any if them showing her love she said yes but she did not like him ,I later ask her to call the guy and tell her that she did not like him ,she now reply to me dat she did not like the guy dat she love him )all this refers to me please am confuse with dis girl advice me what to do weather to qute the relationship or to continue

    1. Hi Chibuzor,

      Hi Chibuzor,
      while we understand that this is a difficult and painful situation for you, but what you did was also not very honest of you.
      Have you talked to her about this? About her only seeming to use you, and not love you?
      A good relationship should be build on trust and communication, and that seems to work not so well with you guys. So start working on that, then you can decide if you want the relationship or not. Good luck!

  53. still share bed n kisses with
    still share bed n kisses with my ex but she cant forgive 4 the past mistakes. what do i do. need an advice

    1. Hi Vin,

      Hi Vin,
      talk to her! If she is sharing bed and kisses with you, it’s a good sign. Ask her what she needs in order to forgive you and to trust you again. Talk and listen. That’s your best bet right now! Good luck!

  54. Hi we break up with my ex a
    Hi we break up with my ex a month ago bt recently she contact me and shw me she still love me but the problems is i av a new partner and she new very well but she as advce to live an return back to her she as even came to greed us with my new patner wht shal i do her?

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      Unfortunately, we can’t help you with that. You can you alone can decide what you want and who you want to be with. Take some time and think which of the girls you want to be with. It’s all up to you. But you should make a decision- so all people involved know what’s going on!

  55. ts possible 2 married by a
    ts possible 2 married by a man who 14 year older than me?

    1. Hi Abigail,

      Hi Abigail,
      sure! Age is essentially just a number. As long as you love each other and care for each other, there is trust and good communication, age shouldn’t stand in the way of you getting married. Hope this helps!

  56. Hi there… Its been 4months
    Hi there… Its been 4months since I last had a conversation with my ex who broke up with me via text on my birthday.. Just recently she then texted me saying that she misses me.. I played it cool and told her that it was nice hearing from her.. But as days passd she keeps on acting like she never meant the ‘I miss you’ .. I’m tempted to ask her if she meant it.. What should I do?

    1. Hi Zach,

      Hi Zach,
      ouch, breaking up on text on your birthday? That must have hurt!
      Anyway, you are the only one who can really decide what to do. Do you want to have her back, and talk more about what happened? Then ask her. If you don’t think you want to continue talking to her, or even have a relationship with her again, leave it. Think about it, give yourself a few days to decide and then go with whatever you decide.

  57. hey!i broke up with ma ex
    hey!i broke up with ma ex last yea april and after 10 mnths without talking to each other we got intouch en he wants us to 4gt wat hppnd and start over again (he wntd to push with ma bff) bt he denied en said he just wntd to knw her more bt they were no string attached.at first i wntd to say yes bt i have a boyfriend hu we met the same mnth we got intouch.he made his intensions clear to my new bf and he is willing to endng 4 us 2 gt bak 2getha….its six mnths down the line and he ctl insists we get back 2getha….am confused i dnt knw hu i even love en i dnt wnt to hurt neither of them

    1. Hi Shikoh,

      Hi Shikoh,
      we suggest you take some time away from both of them to find out what you really want. Only you can know that. And in order to not hurt them both, you need to decide what you want and then be form with your decision. Good luck!

  58. My ex and I have been trying
    My ex and I have been trying to be friends for close to two years now and i can agree that it’s hard at first since the jealousy part is always pretty much active.I don’t think that being friends with an ex is such a bad idea as long as you know what boundaries not to cross

    1. Hi Winfred,

      Hi Winfred,
      thanks for sharing your experience and your insights with us!

  59. Hi, my prblm iz dat everytime
    Hi, my prblm iz dat everytime i date a gal, i realize dat they r nt single and i dont lyk sharing love. Plz advice

    1. Pole, Freddy!

      Pole, Freddy!
      Keep looking, and ask them before you start dating if they already have a boyfriend. Because sharing really isn’t good.

  60. Hi, my prblm iz dat i broke
    Hi, my prblm iz dat i broke up wid my gal bt afta a while, she calls and tells me 2 take of myself and 2 continue 2 b a gud guy the way i was. Do u think she is fooling me?. Plz advice

    1. Hi Freddy,

      Hi Freddy,
      we don;t know. Why don’t you talk to her and find out what she has to say? And, if you are willing to start again, take it really slowly. Spend some time together as friends before getting back to really dating. Does that sound okay?

  61. being fredz with my ex hell
    being fredz with my ex hell No!!

    1. Hehe, Linda, some people are
      Hehe, Linda, some people are best forgotten, isn’t it?

  62. I hv a bf dat I luv so much
    I hv a bf dat I luv so much de problm is dat alwayz he dnt kip his promise,lst tym he askd me to visit him on wknd ,I snd him msg n he neva replied n again he neva calld me bck so I wnt to knw if he still luvs me or should I leave him coz is nt de first tym he done dis

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      we won’t be able to tell you if you should leave him or not. This is up to you to decide. But, it seems that your relationship isn’t going all too well, so we suggest you discuss this with him.The next time you see him, or talk to him, gently bring this up and explain to him how it makes you feel when he acts like this.Try to find out what his feelings are, and if you can have a future together. Good luck!

  63. In this planet, there are
    In this planet, there are millions of people, millions of souls just waiting to match with you. Why do we humans always try to pick up the trash our past relationships left? Is it too difficult just to start all over with a brand new day? Remember, the storm just last until there is no rain to drop… the sun ALWAYS brights the next day!!! (y) (y)

    1. Thanks so much, a very
      Thanks so much, a very inspirational comment!

  64. i broke up wt my ex three
    i broke up wt my ex three years ago. i am now a mother of two but i still love my ex. We sometimes text each other bt i have reservations about meeting him coz i feel so much that i still havent gotten over him. Is it really good to me him especially when i stil love him.

    1. Hey there,

      Hey there,
      I think you know already that it won’t be a good idea. But you will have to decide for yourself, we can’t tell you what to do. But, before you make your decision, try to consider the consequences, of what could happen if you meet him, and how it would affect your life. Good luck!

  65. Wat is love, wat does it
    Wat is love, wat does it takes to love & y do people fall in love? Pls I need answers

  66. My hus of 2 yrs hurts me
    My hus of 2 yrs hurts me everyday. He calls me a fool by marrying him, he also compares me with his ex whom i found her photos his pocket a month ago n when i asked him he said he has never been serious with me, he only helps me out. Last week he accessed ma atm card n withdrew 10k without ma notice n when i confronted him he kept quiet for 3 days. Should i quit.

    1. Mumo,

      Mumo,
      so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like your husband is using you, and that he is intentionally trying to hurt you. Maybe he is trying to find a way out of your marriage, but doesn’t want to take the last step. We can;t tell you what to do, you will have to decide for yourself which approach to take. Do you want to stay with him? Then something needs to change, quickly, so you will need to talk to him and find a solution. He can’t keep abusing you, that’s for sure. If you think you deserve better and he won’t be able to change, then you should consider leaving. It’s a really tough decision. Good luck, dear!

  67. Dont thnk ts wrong beings
    Dont thnk ts wrong beings fwnds,t teks a lyftym to foget smbdy n so ts beta to av em as fwnds thn lie to uaslf tht uv fogotn em.

    1. Hi there, thanks for your
      Hi there, thanks for your comment and your insight!

  68. hi can home different brkup
    hi can home different brkup ur relationship with ur gfrnd?.bcoz i had a problem coz i stay with my gfrnd for good 6yrs and i never hurt him.now we had 2yr since we brkup our relationship we make clls even chatng.bt am very confused where am i going to start bcoz frm that tym i cldnt date any girl bcoz all the tym i think abt my ex.plz i need help bcoz on monday he told me he soon he get married what shuold i du?

    1. Hi frank,

      Hi frank,
      so sorry to hear that. It seems your ex has moved on, but you haven’t. I suggest taking time away from your ex. No contact is the only way to get over your ex. It will be painful, but it will help. All the best!

  69. About 2 wks now sincs we
    About 2 wks now sincs we breakup with
    my viac ,she dnt pik nor reply ma text becoz she realise im frm diffrnt trbe
    Now i need her back
    coz we had dne many thng together feelng 4 her so much how can i start tis surely?

    1. Lipsh,

      Lipsh,
      in a relationship, you can’t just make major decisions like this and then hope to reverse them just like this.
      You can broken up- so now you need to deal with the consequences. You can try to talk to her, but she probably feels like you have broken her trust, and it might be difficult to get her back.

  70. Its not a good idea at the
    Its not a good idea at the end of the day…you guys will find yourselves in bed..fucking like horses…and then you will start ….tokin ill about each other….and you will hate each other get back again fuck fuck fuck….hate hate hate and the cycle continues and then you will realise that you are wasting yourselves

    1. Hi Vin,

      Hi Vin,
      thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  71. I broke up wit my wife 2 n a
    I broke up wit my wife 2 n a half yrs ago after 8 yrs of marriage wit 2 kids. I keep on trying 2 forget her bt all in vain. We don’t communicate anyhow coz i tried sometimes back bt it beared no fruits. I am confused, i tried another rlt/ship but it didnt work. For now i am alone n my wife still rings in my head’ what can i do coz i still need her 4 sure? Pliz help.

    1. Hi Sammy,

      Hi Sammy,
      you can try to reach out to her again, but depending on how and why your relationship ended, she might not be open to starting it again.

  72. i think its nt jst gud to
    i think its nt jst gud to entertain frndship wid ua ex especially th one who neva hurt u bt u jst parted bcoz for me its a year since we parted ways bt frndship for th two of us is hard.i mean its hard to take each other as jst a frnd.tats wat we knw both of us.wat cn i do?

    1. Hi Betty,

      Hi Betty,
      you need to make a decision- do you think you can be friends with him? Then keep going. If it’s too hard, you are better off cutting all ties with him.

  73. I broke up with my ex two
    I broke up with my ex two months ago, got into another rlshp with a long time frn br av realised am using him as a rebound, a still love my ex..wat shud I do??

    1. Ouch, Shixx.

      Ouch, Shixx.
      Well, first of all, stop using the other guy to get over your ex. He is the one most bound to get hurt in this whole thing.
      And then, decide what you want. Do you think your ex will take you back? Go for it! If not, don’t over-pursue it.

  74. I broke up with my previous
    I broke up with my previous guy coz i got intrested in another one but now i want my ex back…i hav tried al i can but he says he loves me but afraid i myt go to another guy.. i feel hurt the more ..plz help

    1. Hey there,

      Hey there,
      well, you left him for another guy, so no wonder he is suspicious!
      The only thing you can do is slowly win his trust back. As a friend for now. Don’t pressure him with a relationship. Try being friends for now, and take it very, very slowly from there.

  75. It has been two months since
    It has been two months since I broke up with my ex,he’s the one who thought I cheated on him,since he’s too hard to be convinced I let it be n I accepted a mistake I didn’t do.neither way am happy he left cz I wasn’t happy with him,I loved him bt I saw like am the one forcing myself on him wat I want to say is I can’t go back wea am from,it ended and you have to move on going bt bein friends is out of the questions have u considered that the feelings you once had with someone wuld come bak so my opinion is let an ex be an ex

    1. Thanks for sharing, Jules.
      Thanks for sharing, Jules.

  76. Hi! i broke up with my
    Hi! i broke up with my boyfriend last moth bt stil i luv him i want hm back and evry time i cald hm he reciev my cals bt wat worries me is that he has nt calld me and he dont care abaut me anytime i ask 4r help he says busy wil cal and ends nt cal.

    1. Juma,

      Juma,
      have you asked him if he wants you back?

  77. I don’t mean to sound rude
    I don’t mean to sound rude but I can quote so many insane things I read on this article…this is outrightly the most absurd thing I have ever read.

    1. Hello there,

      Hello there,
      we always value feedback, and would like to hear what exactly you find absurd and insane. If you don’t want to do it publicly, please send us an email to [email protected]

  78. Ihurt my boyfrnd last week n
    Ihurt my boyfrnd last week n i apologised to him….da problem is is nt textin or callin unless i start him 1st,wat is he upto cz i too dnt wnt to start him

    1. Give him some time, Inna. If
      Give him some time, Inna. If you hurt him, then it might take some time for him to get over the disappointment.

  79. friendship is the best thing
    friendship is the best thing one should treasure. I know u may sound angry due to whatever ur partner did,BT for me I feel it will be worse continue thinking the worst of ur partner.furthermore its easier to b over someone when u discuss the situation u had before coz something we should understand is,not every time we offer love to our partners we get the seem.so when such a thing occures act like the big guy and handle the situation in order to avoid the hatred since no man is an island and this world will not be fun if we continue creating enemies.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your points, Jonte.

  80. we broke up a yr ago bt wen
    we broke up a yr ago bt wen we r bak in skul she communicated by texting me. she wants me to help her in class work she even calls n comes in my room in the name of discussion. she could even sleep cfortably in my bed. she is in a rship n me too…well she doesnt know i am…i always try to avoid her bt she even goes further to ask me to help her financially in the name of aving a project back home. however, she doesnt want to see me with another gal even if its my fred. I DONT LUV HER AT ALL!!

    1. Santa,

      Santa,
      sounds like she has not quite understood that you have broken up…

  81. Hello…i broke up with my ex
    Hello…i broke up with my ex 3years ago but i am unable to forget him.I really loved dat guy bt after we broke up i dont trust him anymore….i moved on bt we still communicate with my ex..i always feel sad if he takes long to reply my txts as if am his gf..i can never go back to him bt i lyk communicating with him…plz advce me on hw to forget this guy

  82. I broke up with my ex a…
    I broke up with my ex a month ago, bt what I can say she still love me and I do love her, and she always textin me… what can I do for sua?

    1. Hi Abdul, Do you want to get…
      Hi Abdul, Do you want to get back together? Does she want to get back together with you? You both need to think about what you want and then decide how to proceed. If you wish to get back together start by addressing the issues that made you break up in the first place. It is however normal to feel this way after a break up especially when you still have feelings for each other. Think about what you want and let her know what you want.

  83. I still have feelings for my…
    I still have feelings for my ex though we have spent more than 6months apart, he seems to feel the same way but he has anew partner and we recently had sex.
    Am confused I dono what to plizz I need ur help.
    Thnx

    1. Hi Dn, It is normal to feel…
      Hi Dn, It is normal to feel this about your ex, sometimes people will even choose to get back together. You however need to remember the reason why you broke up in the first place. Secondly, your cheated on his current with you. Think about what you want, if you both want to be together then resolve the issues that made you break up and if you are happy get back together. If either of you does not wish to get back together then you will have to remain apart. Having an intimate relationship with your ex will stop you from moving on, if you wish to move maybe even get into a new relationship you will need to start by letting go your ex. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  84. Friends wuth an ex never…
    Friends wuth an ex never works I ended up being jealous, we slept together and we just had to stop everything.

    1. Hey Nija, thank you for…

      Hey Nija, thank you for sharing your experience. 

  85. I am looking for a new…
    I am looking for a new partner, can I meet someone who has recently broken up?

    1. Hello Edith, sorry to say,…

      Hello Edith, sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love an try to learn how to be happy with yourself. Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up. Best of luck. 

  86. being friends with ylur ex…
    being friends with ylur ex is kinda awkward…..its not advisable but if you can handle it well.that’s fine

    1. Thank you Mke, we appreciate…

      Thank you Mke, we appreciate your contribution.

  87. Please I want to join
    Please I want to join

    1. Hey Judith, you are welcome…

      Hey Judith, you are welcome to Love Matters Africa. Feel free to interact with us here or on any of our Facebook pages; Love Matters Kenya or Love Matters Naija. 

  88. We have break up for two…
    We have break up for two months now but he’s​ saying he want us to be friends how can that be possible

    1. Do you want to be friend…

      Do you want to be friend with him? Take sometime and think bout whether this is something you want especially since you just broke. If you are not ready, let know that this is something you do not wish to do at this point. Remember, when such a relationship with an ex is not well managed it can slip back into a romantic relationship which can hinder you from moving forward. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  89. I had akid with my ex.she is…
    I had akid with my ex.she is asking for being good frinds and taking care of the kid both of us.five yrs down the line.should i assume and forget about the issue advice.

    1. Kindly explain the issue…

      Kindly explain the issue. What should you assume?

  90. I love my ex so much. He’s…
    I love my ex so much. He’s my ideal guy but I got pregnant for another guy. That’s how we broke up. He got hurt but still loves me. We chat and even fuck. It’s really crazy… Sometimes I get worried that my hubby might know. How can I handle this

    1. Hi Lizzy, 

      You are risking…

      Hi Lizzy, 

      You are risking a lot to be with your ex. It may be fun chatting and having sex but have you thought about what would happen if your husband found out about the affair. At this point, if you do not mind losing your husband, you can continue with the affair, if you do you need to cut ties with your ex. Chances are that if your broke up with your husband, your relationship with your ex wouldn’t last since that is the same man you betrayed by having a child with another man who’s your current ex. Think about what your relationship with your husband means to you vs. what the relationship with your ex means to you. Which one would you sacrifice without regret. All the best in whatever you decide. 

  91. Hey…,now its almost 3…
    Hey…,now its almost 3 years and am in a new relationship,but my ex still calls and sends me text and she insists to come back in our relationship what should i do?

    1. Hi Eric, 

      The decision on…

      Hi Eric, 

      The decision on whether to go back to your ex depends on what you want. If you prefer to be with her instead of your new girlfriend, then it is only right to break things off with your current girlfriend. Before you go back to your ex girlfriend, think about the reasons that led to the breakup. It could be that even if you have been apart, those problems that led to the breakup will still be there thus you may not have a fulfilling relationship. Think carefully before making any decision. 

  92. There is nothing wrong being…
    There is nothing wrong being your exes friend. What matters the most is the level of maturity between the two of you. Are you able to have mature conversation? If yes that’s alright… if no then let go the friendship coz it may bring more trouble and pain.

    1. Hi Peter, 

      I absolutely…

      Hi Peter, 

      I absolutely agree! Thank you for your contribution!

  93. Hi I have a boyfriend whom…
    Hi I have a boyfriend whom we’re dating for about an year now,so he has an ex whom they text,they call each other and on his birthday they met and gave him a gift yes he told me nothing happened I believe him and that he couldn’t turned down the gift bt I feel like they aren’t done yet,especially because we started dating while still they were together and he had to choose on who to continue relationship with,we staying with the guy though not married,what advice would you give? should I insist on meeting the ex

    1. Hi Mercy,

      Oh, dear! This…

      Hi Mercy,

      Oh, dear! This does not sound good at all. First. the issue here may be that you may have started dating before they broke up. It is possible that your boyfriend and his ex still have feelings for each other. The fact that they are still communication and even meet in person may also suggest that they are still in love with each other. There is a also a possibility that they see each other without you knowing it. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him that their relationship makes you uncomfortable and that you do not like that they are still in communication. Unless they have children together, he should not be in constant communication with her. Talk to him about your concerns and see what he says. Be ready for a resistance from him and from there you can decide whether this is the kind of relationship you want or not. 

      No, do not meet the ex. This may not help at all. 

  94. This ex issue is something i…
    This ex issue is something i dont like when its over then call it a day.whoever gets back to his or her ex is emotionally weak and prone to heartbreaks.Getting back to your ex is just a waste of time.just swallow ur pride or disappointment and move coz there are a million stars in the sky.

    1. Hello Ariabaah, 

      Thank you…

      Hello Ariabaah, 

      Thank you for your input. In some cases, it works bit in some it doesn’t. It’s all about the people involved and whether they can move past what made them separate in the first place. Do you have a personal experience you can share? I would be happy to hear it.

  95. having sex really means you…
    having sex really means you are still together…………this is contrary to my thoughts

    1. Hi there, 

      Thank you for…

      Hi there, 

      Thank you for sharing your opinion on this. Yes I agree with you, to some people, as long as you are having sex, it is assumed that you are together. Sometimes this is not be agreed upon because one of both parties assume that they are still together. On the other hand, to some people, sex is just sex and it does not mean that they want to be together at all. 

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