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Alphonce Omondi

A distant long-distance relationship

By Valentine Njoroge July 6, 04:39 pm
I am in a long-distance relationship. But my girlfriend doesn’t want me to visit her or for her to visit me. But she claims to love me. What is the way forward in this relationship?

Modern pen-pals

It sounds like you have a great modern day pen-pal. When I was my child, it used to be handwritten letters that you sent through snail-mail. But now the internet and smartphones have changed all that. However, while the mode of communication might have evolved, the parameters of the pen-pal friendship have remained the same: lots of affection and attention through words but no physical contact.

What do you both want?

It would be great to ask your partner what she wants out of this relationship, but before you do that, I suggest you get very real with what you want. Even from your short email, I can tell you would want to see this woman frequently. I think you would like some physical attention and for you to play a bigger role in her life.

There is nothing unusual about this. In fact, it is rather predictable that when we like people, we want to spend time with them. And when we are sexually attracted to these people, this desire is magnified.

It sounds like your needs are not being met, and the relationship is unfulfilling in some very key ways.

Tell your partner this and ask her what she thinks. Find out what keeps her from spending time with you. Is she unable or unwilling to see you? Does she see this relationship going anywhere or has it arrived at the point she wants it?

Make a decision

There is a reason we date for a while before we settle down and it’s because it takes a while to find someone you like, who likes you and then wants the same things that you do. If this does not work out, take time to heal and evaluate your lessons. Not every relationship leads to marriage obviously, but they all prepare us for that major commitment that many of us say we want.

Have you wanted a long-distance relationship to become a closer one? Ask our discussion board moderators for assistance.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Domitilah
Fri, 07/17/2015 - 03:09 pm
Distance may not mean anything in love..its the trust that prevails in it.My opinion is..lovebirds should not deny themselves the opportunity to visit each other because visiting could contribute alot in the growth of ur love..thank you.
Valentina
Fri, 07/17/2015 - 04:48 pm
My fiance and i love each other but he doesn't believe me that am virgin and i dn't know what to do so he can trust me,,help
Valentina, why do you think he doesn't trust you? Have you asked him what makes him think he can't? It's impossible to see or feel if someone is a virgin or not, so all he can do is trust you.
How can you make this long distance relationship good? I am really suffering I want to quit and get another girl who is close to me. Now I meet my girl once for 3 months.

Hello Sagaa, making a long distance relationship work can be challenging but if both partners are committed they can make it work. It is important to think about how your relationship will change before getting into a long distance relationship including the long periods physically apart. Some essentials for a long distance relationship include, frequent communication, planning and spending time together from time to time and planning for the future of the relationship together. Check out the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/long-distance-relationships-dos-and-donts

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